by Brett Blumenthal
Not long ago, I wrote an entry on how powerful it is to smile. Today, I’m going to discuss how important it is to allow yourself to not smile. Smiling is great…I’m all for it. It has a lot of great benefits and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. But let’s face it: there are times when you just don’t want to smile. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. It is human. It is natural. And there is no reason for you to feel bullied into smiling if at that very moment, you just don’t feel like it.
This morning I was perfectly content in my own world, deep in thought about all the things I had to get done today, and BAM, I hear someone say, “Brett…SMILE.” My co-worker obviously assumed that my not smiling implied that I was unhappy. As a result, he jolted me out of deep thought and tried to command me to smile. What is that? Where is it written that if you don’t smile there must be something wrong with you? Aren’t we past the ‘Beaver Cleaver’ days of society? The ‘I must smile and look perfect all the time’ era? People…no one should be expected to smile 24 hours a day!
I remember a similar time when I was in college. My father was very sick, and one evening I was on the pay-phone with my mom getting an update on his condition. At some point during the conversation, my classmate who I barely knew, passed by and told me to ‘SMILE.’ It actually made me feel worse. I felt it was completely insensitive. I was obviously having a serious and private conversation (as private as one could possibly have at a public pay-phone), listening intently to the details about my dad, and this stranger, who had no idea who I was talking to or what I was talking about, imposed his permagrin expectations on me. Maybe I should have been ‘touched’ by this person’s supposed concern about my state of mind, but he didn’t even know me…he didn’t even understand the situation…he didn’t know what was going on inside of me. He just had it in his mind that I should be smiling.
There are times that being reminded to smile can be a good thing. It can help us gain perspective. But it shouldn’t be demanded of us. If someone needs some deep thought time…is having a bad day…or just doesn’t feel ’smiley’, they should have the right to not smile. Moreover, making an individual feel self-conscious about how they look when they are unhappy…are having a bad day…or are receiving not-so-great news, isn’t helpful. An individual has every right to not smile…whatever the reason.
Has anyone told you to smile? How did it make you feel?
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5 responses so far ↓
1 Reed // Jul 18, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Unfortunately, that obtuse classmate didn’t read your other posting (which I realize didn’t exist yet) because if he had he would have read point #2: Smiling is Contagious. If he really was interested in getting other people to smile, then he would have simply flashed one of his own…
2 geesh // Aug 26, 2008 at 8:13 am
Soooo important to Beee rather than conjole others into ones chosen way of Bee-ing..I was raised in the type of home where I always had to smile and hated it. Made me realize how phoney my parents were and society as well. Sad. We all need times to just let down and reflect, be real without pressure to look a certain way.
3 killertomato // Oct 22, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I love this post. This is something that really drives me nuts, and other women I’ve talked to really get upset too. It’s because , at least in my experience, it’s always a guy who says this to a female. Because if a guy said this to another dude, he’d likely get flattened. A male, gay friend listened to us girls talking about it and remarked that it’s like they expect us to be entertaining them or something like that. Anyway I just ran across this and had to chime in. I’m glad I am not the only one that has been annoyed by that.
4 Robin // Nov 17, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I honestly thought I was the only one who went thu this. Let’s Just Say no to Bully smiler people!
5 John // Dec 11, 2008 at 5:54 pm
I’m a guy, and I feel the exact same way. There are women at my work who sit in an office during the day. When I return from my deliveries I go through the office where they are sitting. By this time I am usually tired from driving, or thinking about what I need to do to finish up so I can go home. I always get comments that “I need to smile”, well do I? I mean, what if I don’t feel like smiling. Am I required to smile? Does the expression on my face really look like I am that pissed off? I mean, I say hi, and will shoot a quick grin. Isn’t that enough on a bad day. Sure I smile and laugh it up when I’m in a good mood. But aren’t I allowed to not smile if I don’t feel like it. Just makes me feel really awkward sometimes. Doesn’t help that I am generally a shy person to begin with and have anxiety issues. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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