Brett's Blog: Life is Short. Have an Affair.
November 12, 2008 | by Brett Blumenthal | 13 Comments
by Brett Blumenthal
This morning, as my husband Dave and I were driving to work, we heard a radio commercial for an internet company that promised consumers, none other, than an affair. No…honestly. Ashleymadison.com is a website that is much like ‘Match.com’ or ‘eHarmony.com’, except for married people. The title of this blog: ‘Life is Short. Have an Affair.’, is their trademarked slogan. Just one of many. Here are a couple of more:”100% Affair Guarantee,” “An Affair to Remember,” and my favorite, “catering to men and women who are currently in relationships but are looking for more.”
WHHHAAATTTT???? Seriously? What the heck has this world come to? We are now publicizing affairs as a business; as ‘okay.’ This ‘business’ claims that they have over 2 million members. I have an extremely hard time believing this statistic, but who knows? Maybe there really are over 2 million people who actually want to pay for an affair and formalize the search process through an online dating service!
Look, by no means am I judging people who have an affair (or am I?), but it seems to be the lowest possible thing you can do: actively search out an affair. Affairs happen. I’m not in support of them. I think they are wrong. I think that they are awful to the person who is being cheated on. I think it is a horrendous show of disrespect to a spouse. BUT, if one were ever to have an affair, you would HOPE it was an accident. Something not planned. Something that just grew out of time and unhappiness; and NOT because you were actively seeking out a relationship with another person while you were married.
If you actually want to sign up for a service that sells and guarantees you ‘an affair,’ don’t you think that you KNOW something is wrong in your relationship? Don’t you think you should want to make a change with your marriage? Maybe you might even want to consider a divorce? G_d. How absolutely sickening.
Anyone? Does ANYONE have an opinion on this one?
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this is just too sick. end of story. F***ked up
I agree, websites like those do nothing but inflict pain on individuals and their families and add more conflict and struggle to an already deflating moral society. Praying on people while they are in a weakened state of mind or struggling with a personal conflict/issue, should be against the law, (especially if it leads to breaking up a home/family or an even more serious downward spiral of a person, which ultimately ends in bodily or physical harm of anyone involved. I personally know what it feels like and how much pain one endures when you suspect, feel, believe or know your significant other is having an affair/relationship with one or more persons behind your back. It makes you feel like your in quicksand, no oxygen or light to find your way out, while the sand crushes your heart and fills your lungs until your last fighting breath. In many cases if the spouse focused those efforts used in manipulating a lover into their web of deceit, while going to any lengths to keep the affair hidden from the spouse, towards their marriage and partner instead, it would most likely revive and/or save the marriage in most cases. People give up and run into the arms of others far too easily. If it happens that easily and has also happened in previous marriages, I think it shows a person to be naive/ unable to commit, immaturity of feelings, indecisiveness or just flat out selfish and overindulging behavior and a compulsive liar. Can that be fixed? Doubtful…but at least I can assure you that when I make a commitment my love is true enough and strong enough to fight for my marriage and the person I claim to love (until the bitter end). Despite the fact that they HURT ME DEEPLY and that they too must admit that they are not perfect. But if they cannot change their evil ways very soon then the marriage will end, and I highly doubt they will ever be capable of committing fully to any one else either…”ever”. And just for everyone’s knowledge…this is the first time I have ever had to deal with a possible cheater, so that is not an issue from my past that I am struggling with. But it IS a HUGE issue for me now…but thanks for pointing out those facts, because they help me see another issue more clearly. In the past I would have left a cheating man in a heartbeat…guess I learned what true love is all about (just hope its not a permanent smack in the face)! But I have felt and struggled with my feelings and this issue for several years now and I realize the time is soon coming when I must focus on myself again “LIKE NOW”!All I CAN DO IS PRAY SOMEONE WAKES UP to what the real problem is that caused that behavior, before its too late.
Sorry everyone for the LONG…LONG…WRITE! Lol.
An affair is the most dishonest thing a person can do, and purposely seeking them out just makes it worse. Why can’t people be a little more honest with each other? If you’re ready to be with someone else, then move on from your current relationship. You shouldn’t have your cake and eat it too at the expense of your family and friends. Regardless of the reasons people give for having affairs, it only comes down to selfishness. You’re not able or ready to be responsible enough to correctly handle your current relationship, so will just seek out an affair instead? And there is something even more immoral and dishonest about the people that set-up and make money off of a dating service targeted at already married couples. It is lower than pond scum. Take some accountability and responsibility and get a divorce, or don’t get married in the first place if you’re not ready to honor the vows you’re taking. And certainly don’t encourage people to stay married and then have affairs as an outlet. The health concerns alone for the unknowing partner that is married to the cheater is bad enough, let alone the lack of respect/honor. There are no reasonable excuses for the people that operate those websites, nor the members on them. The need to learn some respect for other people and themselves.
I am not surprise this service has gone public. this service was private and its old news to me. we are humans and we are not perfect. Strees, wife, husband, kids, life absent of love and full of rutine, this has been going on for many many years. it was more expensive back in the day.
I am a firm believer of the fact that you can judge the behavior but not the motives. And here I thought if you are signing up online and actively seeking an affair then by all means your actions and motives are dead wrong!!!!!
But ANNA has brought me back to reality…
ACTION- HAVING AN AFFAIR
MOTIVATION- ???????
Yes the world is more open to reality, but the reality is that such behaviors are made into the fabric of this country and HUMANITY, we’ve just never been so honest about it!!!!!!!!!!!
One thing to consider,is those who are married to a disabled mate who has a degenerative disease. After many years of marriage, and providing caregiving to the mate for a decade (10 yrs), a time comes when the mate must see to their own needs. Divorce is out of the question. No one should leave their mate after many years of a good marriage when the spouse gets sick. But when the disease is a prolonged degenerative one and both mates are aging, but one is healthy with their own needs and desires, it’s too much to ask that everything be sacraficed by being the caregiver.
There has to be a way where one can have a little life of their own without embarrassing a spouse.
Cyrus…I know…I unfortunately don’t have control over that…I’m working on it for the future though…ironic, though, isn’t it?
You should be aware that, predictably, google is placing ads for AshleyMadison on your blog!
We live in a world today where just about anything at all is okay, or simply a reflection of freedom of speech no matter how offending, or unprincipled it may be to another. This is just another small reflection of today’s view. Really is anything shocking anymore?
I find it extremely hard to believe that 1% of all American adults are signed up on a website that advocates having an affair. This is the first I’ve heard of this service. What a bizarre and silly service!
I’m not going to step in affair debate. However, I am sad to say that the US I grew up in resembles in no way the US I see now. An example would be the fascination people have in following live police chases (with or without viewing of actual shootings). That people find this fascinating is one thing I just don’t get, but I am truly shocked that tv channels actually compete and feed on these types of programs to get more viewers.
I now live on the old continent and, frankly, these programs who feed on live violence, just like vultures, are seen as totally out of place. Promoting violence, fear of others, and most importantly making unhealthy voyeurism to be acceptable.
While I can only encourage freedom of expression, I find it quite dangerous that mass media can show just about anything with no guidelines as to what is acceptable in a normal society.
The ads promoting affairs are just another example of this. How far will it go ?
Honestly I’m totally surprised to know that such service exists and it is being so exposed and got into radio commercials ???
I can’t believe it, I totally agree with you that Affair is wrong, and what could be worse than “Actively Seeking An Affair?”
I suggest to those who’s already subscribed to such service to go and find help to fix their marriages and waste no more money on such disgusting service…
I would hope that most of the people signing up for this service are in more “open relationships” and getting a kick out of pretending that they’re actually having an affair. But I guess that’s probably not the case. At least they’re matching themselves up with others of their ilk, right?