1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want.  The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something.  Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
2. Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries.  The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to.  In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy.  What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to.  If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic.  If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want.  Oye!  What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.”  Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most.  You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all.  What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously!  Okay, maybe not.  At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan.  Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
5. Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one.  What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation.  Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?

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What causes a relationship to deteriorate to the point of a separation or divorce?

It’s one thing not to get along, but in many relationships, things become downright ugly. What causes such intense anger and bitterness?
Intimate relationships tend to invoke our deepest wounds. We’re all the product of our life conditioning. And since most people come from families with some level of dysfunction, most of us carry emotional pain and dysfunctional patterns into our relationships. Many of these patterns are like viruses, infecting our self-esteem, our lives, and our relationships. Those closest to us know exactly how to invoke our deepest wounds, which is why people react so badly in the midst of divorce. They think it’s the other person who’s causing their pain, when, in fact, they’re both replicating the dysfunctional patterns learned in childhood in their own marriage.

How can people stop the cycle of anger and destructive behavior in the midst of a separation or divorce?
When a relationship deteriorates to the point where the partners become what I call “intimate enemies”, the best approach is to find a professional who can help them cut through the symptoms of their issues—which are often disguised as anger, resentment, jealousy, or infidelity—and  address the root causes of their problems. This is especially important when there are children involved, because they still have to interact as parents. Regardless of whether the couple stays together or divorces, the only way they can co-parent in an amicable and constructive manner is for them to become aware of the dysfunctional patterns they each brought into the relationship. Once they’ve identified what they are, they need to do the personal-development work needed to change them. If the destructive behavior continues, it will inevitably cause deep emotional and psychological damage to their children, and the legacy of dysfunction will pass on to the next generation.

Ironically, my attempt to do everything has counteracted my ability to actually focus on a goal and achieve it.  My walk gave me the down-time necessary to set a couple of goals for the next month or two and, within minutes, I found my funk slowly dissipate, my mood begin to lift and new-found energy percolate.

Although I fully admit that I’m a bit of…okay, a lot of…a type-A personality, the reality is that the simple act of goal-setting is very important to each and everyone of us and our overall well-being and happiness.  Here are some reasons why:

1. Direction: Without even the smallest of goals, it is easy to feel as though we lack direction or are lost.  Having goals focuses our energy, and enables us to work towards something we value.  When we feel as though we are floundering or aren’t quite sure where life is going, setting goals can help us get back on course.
2. Individual Purpose: Goals, whether big or small, are vitally important to giving us individuality and purpose.  Goals can be personal, social, political…anything that you find important to you and your life. Goals are individual to you and your needs, wishes, desires and dreams, and so, YOU drive what they should be.  They make you who you are and allow you to be who and what you want to be.  No one can take that away from you.
3. Boosting Self-Esteem: Without goals we don’t have accomplishments.  Every time you set a goal and reach it, you prove to yourself that you are capable of achieving what you set out to achieve.  This results in a natural boost to our self-esteem and a deeper belief in oneself.
4. Positive Reinforcement: When we accomplish our goals, we reinforce our belief in ourselves to set and accomplish new ones.   This helps to muffle negativity, doubt and fear, making way for a “can do” attitude that helps us continue to strive.
5. To Reach our Full Potential: Goals enable us to move beyond our comfort zone and become the best we can be.  They allow us to take-on new and exciting challenges and help us grow as individuals.

Are you a goal setter?  Do you feel “lost” or in a “funk” when you aren’t working towards a goal? What positives do you see or feel from setting goals?

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1. Hydrate. Approximately 65 percent water, our bodies require substantial replenishment of H2O to function properly.   Proper hydration flushes toxins, ensures proper digestive and body functions, curbs hunger and helps fight aging.   Opt to drink water (you can add lemon, cucumber or a splash of juice for flavor), unsweetened green tea or club soda.  To approximate how much your body needs, divide your weight (in pounds) by two.  The result equals the ounces of fluid you should drink each day. * This hydration formula doesn’t work for people who are obese.  As a result, if you are 50 – 100 percent above your ideal body weight, consult your physician on this subject.
2. Get Your Zzz’s. Adequate sleep is highly beneficial to your health as well as your waistline.  Those who get seven to eight hours of sleep each night tend to weigh less than individuals who are sleep deprived.  Try to go to bed at the same time every night and wake up the same time every morning.  Also, promote sound sleep by avoiding caffeine after noon, eating at least two to three hours before bedtime and limiting alcohol intake.
3. Strength Train and Exercise. Strength, cardio and flexibility training are all important to keep bones and heart strong, metabolisms high and bodies free from injury.  Find a variety of activities you enjoy and get in one or more (for approximately one hour) at least three times a week.  This should include two 20 to 30 minute sessions of strength training weekly.  Instead of weight lifting, you can enjoy Yoga and Pilates (both incorporate strength training) as well as other forms of exercise that require muscular strength.
4. Drink Moderately. Alcohol has seven calories per gram of alcohol, as compared to nine calories per gram of fat and four calories per gram of protein and/or gram of carbohydrates.  Alcohol in moderation, however, can help raise HDL, the good cholesterol.  Recent research suggests that the heart-health benefit of alcohol is increased if moderate consumption is consistent: three-to-seven times a week, as opposed to sporadic consumption. To balance the benefits with the calories, women should limit themselves to no more than one drink a day; men, no more than two. One drink is 4 ounces of wine, 12 ounces of beer (a bottle or can) or 1 ounce of hard liquor.
5. Manage Stress. Stress is part of life.  Managing stress, so it isn’t overwhelming, is critical in maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  When we are over-stressed, we find reasons to soothe ourselves and, often, we do so with food.  Exercising, getting enough sleep and spending down-time alone or with loved ones, are all ways to help diminish the impact of stress on our lives.

Don’t forget to eat healthy too, but remember that other healthy habits are just as important!

Adapted from “GET REAL” and STOP Dieting! Copyright © 2009 by Brett Blumenthal. All rights reserved.

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When you take a mind-body movement class you are instructed to be present and aware of your mind-body connection.  As you purposefully breathe while moving or holding a posture, each part of your body should be awakened and thought about.  Form becomes key as you move…turning your hip out…pulling your abdominal muscles in…lengthening your leg…or rounding your back.  Breathing and mindful movement become the focus and your stressors take a back seat.  You simply cannot continue to dwell on negative things when you have to focus on form and breath. Instead, you become present as you think about and honor your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.  With gentle persistence the initial challenges of being “present” can be overcome and embraced and a release from negative stressors is highly possible.

One friend told me that if it had not been for her daily practice of yoga she might have gone over the edge when her husband lost his job.  Her practice helped her stay grounded and know that they would get through their trial. Clients tell me that at the end of class they often feel like crying because emotions have been allowed to surface.  Crying is a release.  I encourage them to let it out!  Others say class feels like they have received a massage. They might have come into class in a mad hurry only to leave relaxed and better able to conquer their tasks in a balanced way.

The studies are growing on how mind-body fitness affects stress.  One study from March 2008 documented in the Annuals of Behavioral Medicine found that Hatha Yoga, an type of mind-body fitness,  reduced perceived stress and also decreased cortisol levels.  Cortisol, a useful and necessary hormone released by the adrenal glands, aids in glucose metabolism and blood pressure control among other things.  But, in our high stress culture cortisol release can become constant thus shutting down the body’s ability to relax.  High levels of cortisol can cause hypertension, suppressed thyroid and immune functions, and increased abdominal fat among others.  We have to do something to counter this constant state of stress so that we can relax and allow the body to function properly.  When compared with African Dance (cardiovascular movement) Hatha Yoga was much more successful in reducing cortisol levels.

There are obvious fitness benefits to adding mind-body exercise to your regime.  Increased strength and flexibility, balance between muscle groups, and learning proper mind body techniques to apply to other parts of your fitness training are all acquired.  But, I think for most, the best part of choosing to engage in mind-body fitness is the new perspective on life that is likely gained after each and every session.

If you have tried a yoga class only to leave in haste because it was too boring or not your style, I highly encourage you to give it another try!  There are so many forms of functional mind-body fitness that there is bound to be one that will fit your needs and one that you might even grow to adore!  Further, you can engage in mind-body fitness in any number of ways:  From attending classes in a local private studio to trying your local group fitness yoga class to buying a DVD!  Mind-body fitness is available to fit all budgets.

Give it a try.  You owe it to yourself!

As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are bullies, toxic or just plain manipulative. Some of these people KNOW what they are doing, but often, most “just don’t get it:”  They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior.  And what’s worse is that they frequently get away with it because others don’t stand up to them.  This enables boundary breakers and convinces them that their behavior is acceptable.  Here’s a news flash: It ISN’T.

The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries.  You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationship.  Further, you won’t have to succumb to their inappropriate behavior over and over again:

1. Know Who You Are Dealing with: The first step in this process is to identify those individuals who don’t respect your boundaries.  Doing so will keep you on the look-out for times that boundaries need to be reinforced or put into place.
2. Tune-in: Start paying attention to how these people typically break boundaries.  Some questions to ask: Are they pushy?  Do they ask questions you feel uncomfortable answering?  Do they discuss things with you that are inappropriate?  Do they disregard your wishes or needs?  Do they always prioritize their needs before yours?
3. Trust Your Gut: If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling.  Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong?  Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why?  Do you feel nauseous during the discussion?  At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears.  If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.
4. Think First, Speak Second: Once you realize boundaries are being broken, think about how you want to react.  Reacting without thinking through your position and what you want as an outcome can lead to an unresolved situation, potential “room for discussion” or more broken boundaries down the line.
5. State Your Position: Tell the person who is breaking a boundary that they are indeed breaking a boundary.  Sugar-coating it…hemming and hawing…playing nice…politely saying no…often doesn’t work with people who perpetually break boundaries.  Unfortunately, many of these boundary breakers don’t have a clue as to the fact that they are crossing a line.  The more obvious you can be, the better.
6. Don’t Back Down: If the person continues to push you on a topic, tell them the topic “isn’t up for discussion.”  The more you stand your ground, the less likely the person will continue to try to push you on things in the future.  No means no.  Inappropriate is inappropriate.  And, boundaries are boundaries.

The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get. Do you have boundary breakers in your life?  How do you handle the situation?



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Why do we call distasteful past experiences “baggage?”  Because most of us carry it around…everywhere we go.  And, even though we attempt to pack it up neatly, inevitably it gets carried around so much, that the wear and tear it takes makes it especially distasteful.  Yet, it is still a part of us that somehow, we can’t get rid of.

Although most of our “baggage” is far from humorous, it is easy to find the humor in the analogy.  Granted, the order in which we experience the following during travel may not be accurate, but the concepts sure do ring true!

1. Check Your Bags: Do you want to carry your “baggage” with you wherever you go?  Or, would you rather check it, so that you can be free from it until you need it?

• Real Life Takeaway: If you know or accept that you have “baggage,” decide what you’d like to do about it.  Some of our “baggage” will stay with us for the rest of our lives, but, more likely than not, we can work through a lot of it so that we only have to deal with it when we need to.

2. Baggage Claim: Leaving your “baggage” at baggage claim makes travel difficult.   After all, you can’t travel without your bags!

• Real Life Takeaway: Sure, we may not like our less-than-perfect past.  But denying that it exists or pretending it isn’t part of our make-up, only causes it to resurface in very distasteful ways.  Instead, acknowledge that the “baggage” in your life exists and accept that it has a role in making you who you are.  Embrace how it has molded you and come to terms with the fact that, whether you like it or not, it is part of you.

3. Baggage Carousel: If you don’t pick your baggage up from the carousel, it will continue to go round and round…and you will never leave the airport.

• Real Life Takeaway: If you ignore your “baggage,” it will always be there and you will be going in circles throughout life.  Further, you will never progress into new terrain!  Take your “baggage” off the carousel so that you can move onto better things.

4. Baggage Handlers: When your “baggage” is too big and cumbersome, it is especially helpful to have a professional “baggage” handler help you.

• Real Life Takeaway: Consider counseling for especially difficult to handle situations or personal history.  Psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists and social workers are all professionals who can help you work through the hardships and unhealthy aspects of your past.

5. Baggage Screening: Although your “baggage” may be sealed up tight, people will still be able to see that there is stuff inside.

• Real Life Takeaway: Although people may not always know what your “baggage” is, they still can tell it is there.  Being self-aware and acknowledging your issues will make it much easier to help others understand you and where you are coming from.

6. Lost Baggage: When you lose “baggage,” inevitably you will get it back.

• Real Life Takeaway: Unfortunately, as you go through life, you may find people who have a knack for helping old habits resurface.  This can lead to toxic relationships or worse, history repeating itself.  If possible, don’t let old “baggage,” even disguised as new, come back over and over again.

6. Keep Your Baggage Unique: If you choose “baggage” that looks like everyone else’s, you will find it difficult to find your own.

• Real Life Takeaway: It is really easy to find other people who suffer from the same “baggage.”  After all, you can relate to one another.  However, it can also keep you stuck in the same ruts and behaviors, never breaking free from your past.  Look for people who can help you cultivate healthier habits while letting go of those that aren’t.

Are you handling your “baggage?”

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day, but without this specific element, reaching our goals can be more challenging.   Here’s why:

1. The Rough Patches: When we find that we hit a rough patch in our path to success, we need something to pull us out of the “funk.”  Not every day is going to be a success…some days may be dull or may feel like we aren’t getting anywhere.  It is at these times that believing in ourselves gives us the energy to keep going.
2. Rejection: Believing in ourselves helps us get through the rejections, the “naysayers,” the “you can’ts,” the “it won’t works” and the “nos” and, instead, gives us the confidence to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try all over again.
3. Self-Confidence: Knocking yourself or even just forgetting to believe in your ability to do the things you want can take a toll on your self-confidence.  This negativity, unfortunately, can become a downward spiral…ultimately undermining all of your efforts and sabotaging your ability to be successful.

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1. It’s Contagious: Your belief in yourself is probably one of the best and most valuable sales tools and influences in getting others to believe in you.  In all honesty, have you ever been eager to help those individuals who were doubtful of their own capabilities?  Probably not.  You may have felt badly for them, but you probably didn’t feel very confident in them.  If you exude confidence and a belief in who you are and what you set out to do, other people will feel the same way.  And, unlike the self-confidence point above, this positivity can bring new opportunities and open doors that may not have happened without your believing in yourself.
2. Why Not?: If you can’t believe in yourself, who CAN you believe in?  First and foremost, you have YOU to respond to.  You have YOU to count on.  And, you have YOU to believe in.  You are the captain of your ship, the master of your destiny…so believe in yourself to do what you want to do and be successful!

Do you believe in yourself?  How has it helped you to reach your goals and be successful?

This post is sponsored by Propel® for the You.Propelled Program. Propel’s mission is to enhance your life, give you the ability to move through obstacles and live a more streamlined, energetic life.

Effective methodology and processes. Ad-hock and unstructured coaching are less effective than a structured program. Ask about their coaching method and processes, their strategies for helping clients clarify and achieve their goals, how much time it requires, and what their fees and payment policies are.

Expertise in psychology and human behavior. Personal-development work, life and career transitions, and professional demands can take you to the edge of your comfort zone, triggering fears of failure, insecurity, or habitual, self-sabotaging behaviors. Life, career, and executive coaches with a background in psychology have the leading edge, as they can help you address your fears and self-defeating patterns at the root level, and change limiting patterns that can sabotage your success.

A supportive and comfortable environment. A good coach is compassionate, establishes trust, maintains confidentiality, and creates an environment in which you feel supported. Whether you’re doing phone or in-person coaching, notice how comfortable you are, and whether the person feels like someone you can trust.

Exceptional problem-solving, goal setting, and organizational skills. The bigger the coach’s “tool kit”, the better able they’ll be to facilitate effective coaching sessions. Ask how they go about problem-solving and goal-setting, and notice how organized they appear to be. The more organized they are, the more ground you can cover in each session.

Fosters client accountability. Continuity, self-discipline, and follow through are critical factors for success—things that many people find difficult to develop or maintain. Find out what methods they use to help clients stay motivated, and how they get clients who’ve become discouraged or unfocused back on track.

In addition to the qualities and expertise listed above, below are added skills and expertise for specific types of coaching.

Career Coaching

Proven experience in the career transition field. This is a must-have for people making a career change or searching for a new job. Ask career coaches about their methodology for identifying a job or career that’s the best fit, and about their expertise in job sourcing, resumes and cover letters, self-marketing strategies, networking, interviewing, and salary negotiation.

Entrepreneurial and business planning skills. This is critical if you’re considering starting your own business. Find a career coach with a successful track record not only in helping clients identify a new business idea, but also in turning that idea into a business.

A resourceful, innovative, and strategic thinker. To stand out from the competition, you have to think and do things differently than everyone else. Ask prospective career coaches for specific examples of strategies they’ve developed to help clients differentiate themselves, and how those strategies have helped clients achieve their desired results.

Executive Coaching

Client Confidentiality. If your company is hiring an executive coach to work with you, ask how confidentiality issues will be handled. The more authentic you are the better results you’ll achieve in your coaching work. However, you need to feel confident that the coach can effectively balance honoring your confidentiality with meeting your company’s expectations for coaching results.

Business and Leadership Expertise. In addition to strategic business and leadership expertise, the best executive coaches have real-world corporate experience, giving them a deeper understanding of the complex challenges and demands of the executive role.

Life Coaching

Expertise in psychology and human behavior: While it’s an added plus to find a career or executive coach with a background in psychology, it’s a must-have for life coaching. Without an in-depth understanding of what drives human behavior—and how to change self-defeating patterns that are often rooted in the subconscious—it’s very difficult to help clients achieve transformational and lasting change.

That being said, many people aren’t self-aware or aren’t self-aware ALL of the time.  Maybe it is someone at the gym who thinks that all of the equipment is his or her very own and doesn’t like to share.  Or, maybe it is a family member who believes that they are always right and that the rest of the world is wrong.  Or, maybe you work with a colleague who just doesn’t have any sense of how they bully others.  Some of these people can produce continual toxicity in our lives, while others may cause only a momentary frustration.  Whoever or whatever the case may be, these people are among us.

But why is self-awareness so important?  It makes us better people.  Here’s why:

1. Empathy. Having the ability to see when we are wrong or when we have made a mistake allows us to see other peoples’ perspectives and to be empathetic to their situation or their feelings.
2. Admission. Have you noticed when people aren’t self-aware, it is very difficult for them to apologize or admit that they are wrong?  Often, these people can’t even SEE that they are wrong in the first place.  They tend to think that they are always right and if something doesn’t work out as planned, it is always someone else’s fault.
3. Man in the Mirror. If we can acknowledge our flaws, we can make positive change to improve upon them.  Knowing is half the battle…and if you can admit to the qualities that are less than stellar about yourself…you can change them or improve upon them.
4. Tolerance. When you can see your own faults, it is easier to accept others’.
5. Humility. Understanding that we ourselves are not perfect allows us to get off our high-horses.  Further, know we can always be better and as a result, can be thankful for the good that does come our way.
6. Likability. Let’s face it:  No one likes a know-it-all or an individual who thinks they are always right.  Having the ability to see other peoples viewpoints, to be open and flexible, and acknowledge that you are not the only person who has the answer makes you a more attractive person.

So how self-aware are you?  Here are a few questions to ask:

1. Do you listen to others during a conversation?  Or, do you tend to do a lot of the talking?
2. Do you ask others how they feel about situations?  Or, do you make assumptions based on your own feelings?
3. Do you think about how your actions affect others?  Or, are you confident that others are fine with how you handle situations?
4. Are you aware of other people’s social cues?  Or, do you mostly focus on your own?
5. Can you admit when you are wrong, and have apologized when you are?  Or, do you tend to think that things are wrong or go bad because of others?

If you answered yes to most of the first questions in each pair, you are most-likely self-aware.  If you answered yes to most of the second questions in each pair, you probably could afford to tune into other people’s reactions and do some inner reflecting.

Self awareness gives you the ability to be open, thoughtful and aware of how you impact others.  It is one of the best and most valuable qualities you can have!  Do you think you are self-aware?  Have you met others who aren’t?  How did they make you feel?

1. Explore: Although almost every curriculum has “core requirements” and pre-requisites, it is important to explore the topics that peak your interest…even if they have nothing to do with your major.  If you want to take a dance class, do so.  If you want to learn how to make rockets, look for an introductory class.  You can even create your own classes by doing independent studies.  Exploring your interests is what leads to discovering your passions.  And having passion for what you do makes your future that much sweeter and exciting.
2. Stay Well Rounded. All work and no play makes Jane a dull girl.  Finding courses you love is important, but getting involved in extracurricular activities that you enjoy (other than drinking) is also just as important.  Volunteer for campus initiatives…join the choir…play intramural sports…find things that you love that will take your mind off of your grades and classes and allow you to enjoy life.
3. Maintain Balance. In college, “being in balance” is probably one of the most difficult states to maintain.  It is typical to work really hard, as well as play really hard, often neglecting your need for sleep and health.  Make sure you take time out for yourself to decompress, relax and have some down time.  Stay active through exercise, intramural sports or gym classes.  Avoid the late night munchies and unhealthy foods in the cafeteria and get your 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night.
4. Don’t Procrastinate. Practicing time-management skills in school will be one of the most valuable things you can teach yourself for the rest of your life.  Avoid waiting until the last minute to get your work done.  Cram sessions aren’t good for your mind or your grades.  Plan your semester out by keeping a calendar with all of your key assignments and due dates on it.  Schedule enough time for each so that you can put enough attention and dedication to preparing for them appropriately.
5. Build Solid Friendships. The friendships you build in college will last you a lifetime.  Look to make friendships that are mutually supportive, where both of you are their for one another.  Build in time together that is both fun, and productive.  Rely on each other when you are going through rough spots and celebrate your accomplishments together.

Enjoy your time in school this year and good luck!

When we work hard for something and finally achieve it, it is wonderful to celebrate and reward our accomplishments.  Whether the achievement is big or small, rewarding ourselves allows us to acknowledge our effort, while giving ourselves permission to bask in our own glory.

How we celebrate our accomplishments can be just as much fun as the accomplishment itself.  Here are some creative ways to let loose, have fun and give yourself a pat on the back!

1. Indulge: Eating is as much a necessity as a social occasion.  Enjoying a meal with friends and family at your favorite restaurant allows you to splurge a little.  Order your favorite piece of chocolate cake and heck, throw in a candle while you’re at it!
2. Bottle of Bubbly: Personally, I love champagne, cava (Spanish sparkling wine) and prosecco (Italian sparkling wine) at any time.  In my mind, there is no real need to have something to celebrate to enjoy the bubbly!  However, if you are the type who only pops the cork for special occasions, your accomplishment is as good a time as ever to enjoy!
3. Get Pampered: Indulging yourself in a massage or another favorite treatment is a great way to reward yourself.  Go at a time when you don’t have to rush so that you can maximize your experience.
4. GET OUT of Town: Get away for a day or two.  Even one night in a luxury hotel can feel like a real treat, while relaxing your mind and body so that you are ready to take on your next challenge.
5. GO OUT ON the Town: Go out with your friends and paint the town whatever your heart desires.  Whether it be dancing, theater, karaoke, live music…enjoy a night of fun and festivity.
6. Splurge: Have you been eying something but have been resisting the temptation to make the purchase?  Buying yourself a trinket that seems frivolous, yet luxurious is a great way to feel rewarded.
7. Sleep: If you have been working your tail off to reach your goal, you may have compromised on some ZZZ’s.  Go to bed early and catch up on some much needed sleep.
8. Theme Party: Throw a party that has a theme specific to your accomplishment!   If you just finished writing a book, have a theme of favorite literary icons.  If you just finished your degree, have a theme of what you majored in…let your creative juices flow!

So how do you reward yourself?

This post is sponsored by Propel® for the You.Propelled Program. Propel’s mission is to enhance your life, give you the ability to move through obstacles and live a more streamlined, energetic life.

Recently, I tried Suzanne Bowen’s and Leah Sarago’s Release Workout DVD.  It teaches moves that are part of their Ruah Mind Body Movement, utilizing a method they term “Postural Movement and Flow” to strengthen the mind, body, and spirit.  It is centered in principles of lengthening the muscles through deep muscle work with stretching.  Here is what I thought:

1. Video Synopsis: The video is about 55 minutes long, with 15 minutes dedicated to lower body, 25 minutes dedciated to upper body and core and 10 minutes of the video dedicated to stretching and relaxation.   All of the work is done in a low to non-impact format, utilizing both standing movements and matwork.
2. Type of Workout: Although the video claims that the exercises offer the three components of cardio, strength, and flexibility training, if you are especially in shape, I would offer that the video is more geared towards strength and flexibility.  The more fit you are, the more it takes to increase your heart rate.  If you are a beginner, however, I would say that it definitely offers some amount of cardio.
3. How to Incorporate: Although I would never use this video to replace traditional cardio or strength training, it is definitely something to consider incorporating into your overall workout regimen.  If you are especially prone to skipping stretching or relaxation, and feel it is a waste of time, this video incorporates enough movement to keep even the most non-yoga types engaged.
4. Level of Difficulty: The moves are simple in regards to coordination and choreography, but still challenges the muscles.
5. Level of Creativity: If you have taken a yoga class or a pilates class, many of the moves will be familiar.  They are not especially unique and can be a bit repetitive (this is not a dance video!), however, Leah and Suzanne combine various moves into a sequence which gives the moves a bit of a new twist.
6. Overall Review: I recommend “Release” for beginners who want to ease into an exercise program or for those individuals who are fit, but want to get more stretching, lengthening and toning into their workout regimens.

To learn more about the Ruah Movement, visit www.ruahmovement.com.  You can also buy “Release” here..

1. Watch out for dorm food. When foods are all-you-can-eat there’s much more of a temptation to overeat or eat things that you might not otherwise have as part of your diet. Start out with smaller portions and go back for more if you’re still hungry.
2. Take advantage of campus gyms. One of the big perks of college is being able to go to a gym for free, so take advantage of the opportunity to work out. Sign up for a class or make the gym part of your routine so that you’ll actually be motivated to go.
3. Play sports. If you hate working out in a gym, there are plenty of activities that you can get involved in on-campus that will keep you fit while letting you have fun at the same time.
4. Walk or ride your bike to class. You could take the bus or drive, but getting a little extra exercise when you can is always a good thing. Also consider taking the stairs instead of the elevators if your classes are on upper levels.
5. Take time to de-stress. College can be stressful for new students who are trying to balance a million things at once and still do well in their classes. Remember to take time for yourself to relax and do things you enjoy as well.
6. Don’t forget to sleep. While studying is important, it’s just as important to get a solid amount of sleep so you’ll be prepared for your classes as well.
7. Limit late-night snacks. It’s easy to want to pig-out when you’re up late studying, but try to limit the amount of unhealthy foods you eat, especially before you go to bed.
8. Don’t keep unhealthy snacks on hand. One way to give yourself a hand in eating healthier is to just not keep unhealthy things around, even if you really, really want to.
9. Find healthy friends. You may be able to find more ways to eat right and get in shape by finding a group of friends that shares the same drive to bit fit and active as you.
10. Get regular check-ups. For most college students, on-campus health care is incredibly cheap or free. Take advantage of this and get regular exams to ensure you’re healthy.

Going to the spa, however, provides a lot of benefits beyond the touchy-feely stuff.  Getting a massage , or even a facial, can provide benefits of relaxation, stress release and flushing of toxins.  The mind-body benefits are hard to argue.  As a result, if you can’t get to the spa, try making spa a part of your life at home.  It is cheap, fun and rewarding.  Here are a few ways to indulge and decompress:

1. Home Hydrotherapy:  I talk about bathes a lot.  The truth is, they can be extremely therapeutic and relaxing.  They also can help your muscles loosen, letting go of the tension that builds up on a daily basis.  Use bath oils to help curb dehydration of your skin.
2. Couples Massage with a Twist: At the spa, a couple’s massage is one where you and another person get a massage together.  At home, you can morph this into giving one another massages.  Take turns on different nights.  Dedicate two nights a week as massage nights.  Alternate who gives and who gets so that both of you benefit.  If you are single, you can always opt for a “friendship” massage.  Ask a friend to partake in giving and receiving shoulder, neck and back massages.
3. Mani-Pedi: Personally, this is where I cut back my spending.  I’ve started giving myself manicures and pedicures instead of going to a nail salon.  I discovered that I actually like it better.  I’m more thorough, use clean tools, and can manage touch ups more easily.  Further, I don’t have to worry about getting any foot fungus or other infections from careless disinfection.  If your hand isn’t very steady, ask a friend to paint your nails for you.
   
   Buy the CLARISONIC Skin Care System
4. Facials: Facials are very good for our skin.  However, getting them on the recommended six to eight week basis can be a bit costly these days.  To keep your skin looking really good, invest in high quality skin-care products that don’t have toxic or irritating ingredients.  And invest in the CLARISONIC Skin Care System.  It is a great product that gently removes embedded dirt and oil from your skin.  It also helps to reduce the appearance of pore size, fine lines and wrinkles.  You can use this on a regular basis.

Don’t let the economy hurt your beauty care and mind-body care regimens!

What do you do to keep yourself feeling and looking your best on a budget?  Are you still going to the spa?

At this time of year, especially, blueberries are in season.  And when they are in season, they are that much sweeter.  Beyond taste, however, they offer up a ton of nutritional and health benefits:

1. Antioxidants Powerhouse: In a study at Tufts University, 60 fruits and vegetables were analyzed for their antioxidant factor. Blueberries won in its ability to destroy free radicals.  Specifically, blueberries contain anthocyanidins, which help fight multiple health issues, including cataracts, hemorrhoids, ulcers, and cancer.
2. Digestive Defense: Because they are high in fiber, blueberries help keep your digestive tract regular, relieving symptoms of both diarrhea and constipation. In addition to soluble and insoluble fiber, blueberries contain tannins, help reduce inflammation.  Blueberries also promote urinary tract health by reducing E. coli’s ability to adhere and flourish in your urinary tract.
3. Cancer Fighter: In addition to powerful anthocyanins, blueberries contain ellagic acid, which protect against cancer.    The Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry showed that phenolic compounds in blueberries can inhibit colon cancer, and its high content of kaempferol, a flavonoid, can reduce the risk of ovarian cancer.
4. Healthy Heart: First, blueberries’ high fiber content contributes to lowering cholesterol.  And second, their high amount of  anthocyanidins makes them even a better choice than red wine as a heart-healthy beverage. (Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry published a study that touts blueberries as delivering 38% more of these compounds than wine)
5. Smart Food: Blueberries help protect the brain from oxidative stress and may help to reduce symptoms of age-related disease such as Alzheimer’s.

Blueberry season ends in October, so this is a great time to add blueberries into your favorite recipes.  When blueberries are out of season, frozen is still a good way to keep them in your diet.

Companies, such as Navigenics*, promises consumers an analysis of their “DNA for genetic risk markers associated with a wide variety of important health conditions.”  Specifically, they claim they can predict your likelihood of developing  Alzheimers, various cancers (Breast, colon, lung, prostate and stomach), multiple sclerosis, and diabetes, just to name a few.  They also test for some more benign disorders, including: lactose intolerance and psoriasis.

The concept of getting tested for your risk of getting a disease may sound very appealing (After all, if you could find out if you are at risk for a disease and then take action to prevent its onset, why wouldn’t you?)  The cons, however, seem to outweigh the benefits: 

Cons:

1. Accuracy: Many of the tests are not definitively accurate.  Further, the tests assess risk, not if you will get the disease.  So, is knowing your risk enough?  Or, are the tests only good if they can predict whether or not you will actually develop the disease?
2. Lack of Action: Some of the diseases these tests analyze, such as Alzheimers, don’t have a cure or for that matter, can’t be prevented.  So, knowing you are at risk for developing Alzheimers isn’t necessarily going to help you one way or another.  You have no way of being proactive.
3. Psychological Impact: Sure, if your test results come back negative, you may feel a tremendous sense of relief.  However, if you are unfortunate enough to be told that your tests are positive, you may end up obsessing over the future of your health.  Further, if the disease you are at risk for has no cure, then what?  Do you become traumatized knowing you might develop a terminal disease?

Pros:

1. Prevention: Let’s say you are predisposed to develop breast cancer.  You can change your diet to eat more cancer-fighting foods (fruits and veggies) and also can do more regular screenings and mammograms.  Again, this won’t necessarily prevent you from getting the disease completely, but you might be able to diminsh your risk.

Personally, I would rather live my life from a preventative standpoint anyway.  So, I’m not convinced I would want to know whether or not I might get a disease.  However, as medicine advances, these tests may become more accurate and definitive.

So, would you take a genetic test?  Why or why not?  Would knowing your risk be enough?  If you knew you were at risk for developing a disease, what would you do?  What would you do if there was no cure?

Related Topics:

• Do We Live Too Long?
• Is Medicine the Culprit of Unhealthy Lifestyle Choices?
• Health is Your Wealth
• 5 Keys to Converting to a Healthy Lifestyle
• 9 Ways to Live Longer
  

* Navigenics is just one of many companies that provide these services.  Some companies look at your genetic potential of developing or passing on other diseases and disorders such as autism.  Many of these companies allow you to test from the comfort of your own home by sending in a cheek swab or a spit sample.  The tests cost between a few hundred dollars and a few thousand.

Due to their life conditioning, not all people have what it takes to be supportive, and not all unsupportive people can be avoided – for example, sometimes you can’t escape family members and co-workers. But, the idea here is to begin to identify the qualities that support you, spend time with people who embody those qualities, and, as much as possible, avoid people who are detrimental to your well-being. There are many ways to cultivate healthy relationships, the first of which is to become a supportive friend to others. Below are some qualities and behaviors that foster positive relationships – qualities and behaviors you can develop within yourself and which you can seek out in others:

Be a good sounding board.

When a friend wants to talk to you about something he’s going through—a crisis or problem—the best approach is simply to listen. Don’t offer advice without asking permission, because it may be that he just wanted to share his experience or vent his frustration about a situation. He may be looking for someone to validate his feelings. Understanding and compassion should be the order of the day.

Don’t be judgmental.

It’s important to avoid being judgmental – especially if your friend is sharing something that’s in conflict with your own values. Remember that other people are not you; take care not to impose your values onto someone else. Remember, everybody’s doing the best they can at any given moment.

Avoid “shoulding” people.

I suggest refraining from telling people what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do. If you’re in a relationship with someone who has a habit of telling you what you should and shouldn’t do, that’s a red flag. Instead of listening, this person is basing their actions on assumptions about you or about the way you should be living your life.

Be empathetic.

Empathy is the act of putting yourself in another person’s shoes. It’s a trait you’ll want to develop in yourself and a quality you can be looking for in others. If someone tells you something painful, recounting a personal crisis she went through, or a difficult situation she faces, show compassion. The simple statement “I’m really sorry you had to go through that” can be the most supportive approach.

Practice emotional intelligence.

Look for, practice, and promote emotional maturity and intelligence in your relationships. Here’s an example. Say you’ve made plans with a friend to go out on New Year’s Eve, but you have to cancel because you have the flu. A supportive friend may be disappointed, but will be understanding. She might even offer to pick up some chicken soup or a movie for you. But, if your friend gets angry, it’s a tip-off that you’re not dealing with a supportive and emotionally mature person.

Cultivate effective communication skills.

You’ll encounter occasional conflicts with any friend. Those conflicts present you with an opportunity to determine whether you can meet each other on an emotionally mature footing. For example, I had a friend who snapped at me, early in our relationship, when I called her at an inconvenient time. In response, I didn’t blame her or counterattack; instead, I carefully composed an e-mail, saying: “I apologize for disturbing you last night. I tend to be sensitive to harsh communication styles, and although it may not have been your intention, I experienced your response as harsh. When you feel upset with me, it would be great if you could communicate your feelings in a more gentle way. I respond much better to that kind of communication.” She responded by calling me and apologizing. She was able to say: “I can be abrupt, especially when I feel like my space is being invaded. I’m sorry I snapped at you and I’ll try to be more sensitive going forward” As a result, our relationship has continued to grow and she has become one of my dearest friends.

Be emotionally honest.

Emotional honesty, which involves the willingness to be vulnerable, is central to sharing healthy relationships. For example, what if a friend says something hurtful to you? “You look like you’ve put on weight,” or “I saw your ex-husband last night with his new girlfriend and he looked really happy.” It’s important to tell that person how you feel. You might say: “I’m having a reaction to what you just said. It may not have been your intention, but I found what you said hurtful.” Many people believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. I see it, instead, as having the courage to be authentic. By saying, “I’m feeling hurt,” you’re laying yourself wide open. But it’s a gesture that shows other people that you care enough about them and the relationship to share who you really are, and you’re inviting them to be who they really are. And, when you do, the other person’s response speaks volumes. It will let you know whether or not this is a supportive person with whom you want to engage.

Know when to let go.

Every relationship hits bumps along the way, which is when effective communication becomes especially important. It helps you find out whether you can effectively work through a conflict and negotiate your differences with someone else. If you can’t – if the other person is not emotionally mature enough, not far enough along in his own development—you may find it’s better to let the relationship go. Then, rather than create an unpleasant drama, you can disengage in a respectful way. You can say: “I don’t think we’re a good fit as friends.” Or “I think our values or lifestyles are just too different to support a friendship.” The better you know yourself, the easier it is to assess whether people are a good fit as part of your outer support system.

Excerpted from the International bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life © 2009 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved

Celebrities

Regardless of the fact that often, too tight clothing just doesn’t look good, wearing them might also be putting your health at risk.   Here are some documented health problems from wearing clothes that are too tight:

1. Tingling Thigh Syndrome: Although rarely permanent, individuals who wear their jeans too tight can experience nerve problems called meralgia paresthetica.

• How to Know: If your thigh tingles with no explanation.
• What to Do: Don’t wear your extra tight jeans too often.  You may want to buy a pair in the next size for more regular wear.

2. Yeast Infection: When women’s pubic areas are kept tightly under wraps, the area becomes very warm and moist.  This makes it a breeding ground for bacteria and, as a result, can cause yeast infections. 

• How to Know: The vaginal area becomes very itchy, irritating and painful.
• What to Do: Especially in the summer, avoid wearing tight pants.  Wear sundresses, loose fitting and breezy pants.  In the winter, wear a size up and make sure you wear underwear that breathes.

3. Back Pain: When pants are too tight, and are low riding, this can cause nerve compression in the back (similar to the thigh problem above). 

• How to Know: Numbness and tingling in the legs and possible stress on the back.
• What to Do: Choose higher riding pants that fit more loosely.

4. Fainting: Although the corset isn’t as popular as it used to be; tight, constricting clothing can restrict our ability to fully expand our lungs…making our breathing shallow, decreasing our oxygen intake.  Clothes that may fall into this category include: wedding undergarments, bustiers, and spandex.

• How to Know: If you find it hard to breathe, or worst case scenario, faint, you are wearing too tight clothing.
• What to Do: If you are getting married, make sure your dress is fitted properly by a professional.   Also, choose undergarments that aren’t too restrictive.

5. Acid Reflux/Heartburn: Tight pressure against your stomach can increase abdominal pressure, causing acid to go back into your esophagus, resulting in heart burn and acid reflux.

• How to Know: You experience a burning sensation in the stomach, chest and throat.  You also may taste a bitter, acidic taste in your mouth.
• What to Do: Eat smaller meals and make sure your belt and pants aren’t too tight.

6.  Abdominal Pain/Constipation: Tight pants can slow down the digestive process.

• How to Know: Pain in the abdomen for two to three hours after eating a meal.
• What to Do: Eat smaller meals and make sure your belt and pants aren’t too tight.

7. Headaches/Blurred Vision: Wearing button down shirts that are too tight in the collar or ties that are tied too tightly can decrease proper circulation to the brain and head.

• How to Know: You frequently experience headaches, blurred vision or a tingling sensation in your head.
• What to Do: But shirts a neck size larger and wear your tie looser.

So, next time you are tempted to buy a garment that is a bit on the tighter side, think twice.  You might be putting your health at risk!

Have you experienced any of these issues from your clothes?  Have you adjusted your wardrobe and seen an improvement?

Related Topics:

• If the Clothes Don’t Fit, Don’t Wear Them
• How Do You Measure Your Health?
• Detox Guide
• Stop Comparing Yourself to Celebrities
  

Sources:

• http://www.canadafreepress.com/medical/gastroenterology091095.htm
• http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2009/05/23/2009-05-23_are_skinny_jeans_bad_for_your_health_tootight_pants_can_lead_to_tingling_thigh_s.html

I personally believe that my ability to easily gain muscle can be chalked up to my mesomorph body type…I am predisposed to it.  I have to be.  I also believe that some people have to work a lot harder to stay in shape than others.  I know people who rarely exercise, eat tons of bad food, and yet, look like they pump iron 7 days a week and live on protein shakes.  While others will go to the gym five to six days a week, lift weights, eat right and still have a softer, rounder figure.  These phenomenons can only be explained by the fact that yes, there are indeed body types.

In 1954, William Herbert Sheldon wrote the book, Atlas of Men. He classified body types according to three ’somatotypes’:  the endomorph, the mesomorph and the ectomorph.  He also hypothesized that knowing these body types could predict an individual’s mental characteristics.  Here is a breakdown of his categories:

• Endomorph (aka Labradors): Generally rounder, softer shaped.  They tend to have heavy legs, narrow shoulders and a large chest.  Weight is often carried in the hips and abdomen, and body fat tends to be above ideal ranges.  Further, this type of body has difficulty losing body fat and sculpting muscles for definition.
• Mesomorph: Mesomorphs are muscular and stocky.  Their chests are larger than their waists, with broad shoulders.  Body fat is within or lower than ideal ranges.  They don’t have problems losing body fat or sculpting muscles for definition.
• Ectomorph: These individuals tend to have long arms and legs with a shorter trunk, and rounded shoulders.  They often have lower body fat, or don’t have problems losing body fat, yet, they have problems gaining muscle without a lot of heavy weight training.

Most of us are not completely one of these types, but rather, have a combination of two of these in our make-up.  For instance, you could be an endo-meso or a meso-ecto.  But, you can never be an ecto-endo.  As it turns out, Sheldon isn’t the only one to have thought about this theory.  Ayurveda has a system called tridosha, which is very similar with the three doshas of Kapha (endomorph), Pitta (mesomorph) and Vata (ectomorph).  Also, Plato has had similar theories.

Although we have the power to alter our body composition (lean body mass), what we have to do to do so might vary depending on our predisposed body type.  Further, there are some things we absolutely can not change: our bone structure.

What body type are you?  Have you ever had your dosha determined?  Does this theory help you understand your abilities/challenges when it comes to weight loss/gain?

Related topics:

• Body Fat / Lean Body Mass Calculator
• BMI Calculator
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When I graduated from college, I traveled a lot for business and didn’t feel it was fair to have animals.  Further, spending time away from our family’s felines caused me to develop an allergy to both cats and dogs, which would propel me into a Claritin dependency any time I visited my parents’ home.  Needless to say, for the better part of 14 years, having animals was put on the back burner.  So, when my mom asked if I would ‘cat sit’ Pumpkin for a few weeks, it was hard to say no.

Let me start by saying that Pumpkin is not a cat.  Okay, yes, physically he is a cat.  But, mentally, he is the ‘doggiest’ cat you will ever meet, and I have proof:  My husband Dave, who has only wanted a dog for as long as I’ve known him, has outwardly expressed wanting a Pumpkin II.

Over the 26 wonderful days we’ve spent with Pumpkin, Dave and I have learned some of the best lessons.  Pumpkin honestly knows the most important secrets to life:

• Love should be unconditional. Pumpkin is a good cat, but when he would do something ‘less than stellar’, it was difficult to stay upset.  Is a matter of fact, a light scolding would turn into a mutual ‘love fest’.  He would give me big saucer eyes and I would ‘have to’ pick him up and smother him with kisses.  With people, we often have expectations and when they aren’t met, our love can be overridden by anger, resentment, or disappointment.  Letting things go, and understanding that our loved ones make mistakes is part of loving them.
• Take time and do nothing. Before Pumpkin’s visit, Dave and I were always on the go.  If we were home, we had to be doing something, even if it was watching TV.  A lazy afternoon meant running errands.  And, sitting at home on a Friday night seemed boring.  With Pumpkin, we could sit on the couch and be with him, with or without the TV.  We could pet him, watch his whiskers twitch and listen to his purr for hours.  In the morning, we would let him snuggle between us and be content just being together the three of us.  We enjoyed our time doing absolutely nothing.
• Any time is a good time to be loving. Pumpkin was always up for affection.  He always received love with open paws, and was always quick to return the love.  You could even wake him up from his cat naps and give him ear rubs.  He never held grudges and he always gave love openly and fully.  In our hectic lives, we sometimes forget to stop and be loving towards one another.  Further, we sometimes withhold affection if we carry a grudge.  Affection is important in bringing people closer, and feeling loved and secure.  Further, giving love (and receiving love) releases some happy endorphins that keep you feeling all fuzzy (pardon the pun) inside.
• Put things in perspective. If I felt stressed or anxious about something, all I would have to do was look at Pumpkin and I could feel my face relax, the stress melt away and the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile.  Animals have a way of bringing true calm and peace to your being, and it is that calm, that we so often forget to maintain on our own.  Animals also seem to ‘get’ what life is about:  it is the experience and living in the moment.  Being around Pumpkin has allowed us to take things a little more lightly and realize that getting all worked up over some things just isn’t worth the stress.
• Life is precious and beautiful. Somehow, as humans, we take life for granted.  We are big, we are strong and we are intelligent enough, for the most part, to keep ourselves from danger.  Spending time with Pumpkin, has reminded me how very precious life is.  Watching him breathe, watching the end of his tail flicker, watching his pupils become big with adoration…all seemed like incredible feats of life.  How something so beautiful can be real, is almost beyond me.  Life truly is precious.

The last 26 days with Pumpkin have been anything but boring.  I now realize that Pumpkin did more ‘human sitting’ than we did ‘cat sitting.’

Pumpkin left us today.  It was terribly painful.  His love made our home more loving and more special.  He even had a way of helping bring Dave and I closer together.  I think every person should have an animal in their lives.  They bring so much joy and peace to our existence.

Do you have pets?  How do they make you feel?

Related Topics:

• Are You Living Your Childhood Dream?
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So, what are you going to do about it? My general advice will have pessimists cringing so consider yourselves warned: you have to find the ‘good’ in the change. You call it optimism; I call it realism because honestly, what other choice do you have? You could resist, but change is like quick sand, the more you struggle and resist, the harder it is to escape. So it’s tough love time for all of you out there who are wallowing in your it’s-not-fairs. If you were hoping for affirmation of your feelings, Oprah has left the building – you’re stuck with me. With changes come opportunity, your challenge is to find it and here’s how:

OK fine, wallow a little!

Indeed, change is uncomfortable and sometimes it downright sucks. Allow yourself a cathartic experience or two – just don’t get too comfortable here. Complain with colleagues over drinks, succumb to a little retail therapy, watch an entire marathon of America’s Next Top Model (just because I make fun of Tyra doesn’t mean that she’s not entertaining) Whatever works. Do what you’ve got to do and then emerge from your guilty pleasures ready to do the hard work that will get you to the other side of this change better off than you are today.

Visiting the ghosts of work past

I want you to picture your pre-change situation. It’s easy to idealize the past when you’re less than thrilled with where you are now. So, resist the urge to recall it as peachy keen. Drown out the sound of harps softly strumming in the distance, puppies playing and babies laughing. What wasn’t working? What were you complaining about then? (Pessimists – see this is fun for you too!) Write all this down. This should help you realize that while maybe things seemed better in the past, there was still room for improvement. Also, perhaps these issues can be addressed now because things are different.

Finding the “Good”

Now it’s time to look at your current situation with a critical eye. Chances are there are at least some good aspects of this change, or opportunities that can work in your favor. For example, even if you’ve lost your job, which can be very difficult on many levels, the possibility of finding an even better job that may be more interesting, pays you more, or has an easier commute, is now available.

It can be hard to find the silver lining when you’re unhappy or your instinct is to resist transition but it’s a critical step toward shaping the situation to your advantage. What can you do to capitalize on the positive, leverage the opportunities and bridge the gaps you identified in the past? Again, write it down! Capturing these thoughts and ideas in a way that you can refer back to will increase your chances of actually doing something about your plight. This can be tough but when you find the answers to the question I posed above and then act on them, I think you’ll find yourself better off than you were before. You’ll also feel incredibly empowered by your ability to turn a seemingly bad situation around for yourself.

What I suggest is not the easy road but change is inevitable and what you’re experiencing now is probably not the first or last time you will encounter discomfort of this variety at work. So are you going roll over and let change happen to you or are you going to use it to make your job, your career, your life – better? That’s a little deep for an article whose title steals and then modifies the name of a popular disco song for comic effect but I stand by it, darn it!

Weighing yourself every day

Wait!  Before you get judgmental, there was reason behind my madness.  No, I was not trying to squeeze into my bikini.  I did not have a big event to go to.  I wasn’t even trying to lose weight.  I was, however, conducting a self-study on how weight is affected by different factors.   This ’study’ included my weighing myself when I woke up, in the middle of the day and at night, both naked and clothed.  Additionally, I kept a journal and recorded what I ate and drank, when I went to the bathroom, when and how much sleep I got, and yes, what I weighed.  My findings?  Pretty interesting:

1. The 80% / 20% rule works: I’m a big believer in sticking to a pretty healthy diet Sunday night through Friday afternoon, and allowing myself indulgences Friday night and Saturday.   In my study, my weight was always the lowest on Friday morning, and heaviest on Monday morning.  The indulgences that may have ‘put on a couple of pounds’ over the weekend was compensated by my healthy habits during the week.  (If you are trying to lose weight, you will want to raise the ‘healthy diet’ percentage to 85% – 90%.)
2. You lose weight while you sleep: Every night, I would weigh somewhere between 1.5 – 2.5 pounds more than I would the next morning.  Although some of this can be attributed to the morning bathroom visit, some of it can also be attributed to nighttime calorie burn.
3. Regularity means weight consistency: Yep, if I was not regular, it would definitely add up in pounds.  Depending on the length of time between bowel movements, I could see a 1/2 pound to 1 pound add up with no other explanation for weight gain.
4. Water causes the biggest changes: When I drank a lot of water, I would end up weighing a lot by the end of the day.  Sometimes, a couple of pounds more.  However, in the morning, I would see the biggest weight drop.   The hydration factor truly does help you eliminate waste and keep you regular.
5. Sodium adds pounds: I love sushi.  In using soy sauce, however, I would see ‘weight gain’ caused by the  water retention due to my sodium intake.  If I used the low-sodium soy sauce, however, I wouldn’t see as much of a ‘weight gain.’
6. Alcohol’s delayed impact: If I every indulged in alcohol past a glass or two of wine, it would show up 36 hours later.  This assumed that I ate a normal amount (no late night munchies).  Basically, I would weigh less the next day, but would weigh more the day after.
7. Clothes are an unpredictable variable: Pajamas don’t add weight.  But, put on a pair of jeans, boots and a belt with a big buckle, and you are sure to weigh a couple pounds more.
8. Travel takes a toll: Whether I was flying or traveling by car, I always weighted more for a couple of days.  Most of the time when you travel, your regularity and hydration levels are disrupted, which can be contributing factors.
9. PMS puts on pounds: Ok…not a lot.  But, I would definitely see a 1/2 pound or 1 pound extra due to water retention.
10. Weighing yourself every day is pointless: The BEST thing I learned, was that indeed, weighing yourself every day, let alone more than once a day, is a really bad way of judging your health, let alone your weight.  Further, it can do a real number on your head…talk about addictive!

I was glad when I was done.  I am finally weaning myself off of the daily weigh-ins.  I do believe that weighing yourself can have benefits…like ensuring you stay within a healthy range of weight.  But, using the scale to monitor your health is a sure way to make you crazy.

How often do you weigh yourself?  Have you noticed any of these trends?

NOTE: Throughout this experiment, my weight stayed within five pounds.

Related Topics:

• 3 Reasons NOT to Use a Scale
• How do you Measure Your Health?
• Is Your Scale Lying to You?
• Are You Obsessed about Your Health?
• Tips for a Healthy Diet
  

Take off your heels. They deserve a rest.

• Place the feet together and lift both arms parallel to the ground, palms facing down
• Find one point to gaze at and lift up onto the balls of the feet
• Continue to reach the heels away from the ground, creating lift in the arches. Think platforms, not kitten heels….keep lifting up!
• Keep the gaze on one point, heels lifted, and begin to bend the knees, drop the tailbone
• Keep the belly gently pulling to the spine as the body descends until the bottom lands lightly on the heels
• Take five breaths without placing the heels on the ground and make a slow return back to standing
• Place heels back down and be fierce

Sunny days really do have a tremendous impact on us. We perk up. We feel better. We feel more motivated to be out and about. It feels SO much better to basque in the sun than to hide out from the rain. Granted, too much sun exposure can potentially be harmful in regards to aging and skin cancer, but exposure to the sun also provides enormous health benefits:

1. Vitamin D: Vitamin D is the only vitamin that can be synthesized in the skin through a photosynthetic reaction triggered by exposure to UVB radiation. Vitamin D, specifically, is important for immune response, mood stability, and bone health. Vitamin D deficiencies have been directly linked to seasonal affective disorder (SAD), osteomalacia (a softening of the bones because of defective bone mineralization), and, increased premature cancer mortality.
2. Happy hormones Exposure to sunlight enhances our overall mental outlook and sense of wellbeing. The skin’s exposure to sunshine releases endorphins. Endorphins are our body’s natural anti-depressants, and as a result, a lack of sunshine can cause decreased endorphin production, resulting in depression disorders.
3. Circulation and Heart Health: Sunshine helps to increase circulation by dilating the blood vessels in the skin and enhances heart health by decreasing blood pressure, while increasing cardiac output. This facilitates the transportation of nutrients and oxygen to our cells.
4. Natural Detox: Sunshine exposure helps to increase liver function, which is responsible for filtering and removing wastes from the body. Further, as a result of increased circulation from the sun, we are able to more efficiently eliminate the waste through our blood.
5. Skin Health: Although too much exposure can increase risk of skin cancer, exposure to the sun can increase the healing of skin diseases and conditions such as eczema, skin ulcers, skin fungal infections, and acne.
6. Immune System: Sunshine increases production of both red and white blood cells, strengthening the immune system.
7. Boosted Metabolism: Sunshine can help with weight loss. This is due to the fact that it helps to boost metabolism and maintain blood sugar levels.
8. Natural Disinfectant and Antibiotic: Sunshine kills harmful viruses and bacteria, making it a natural antibiotic and disinfectant. Many disease microbes are killed by sunshine. /p>
9. Cancer Prevention: Yep, you heard me right. Turns out, that sunshine can actually help prevent some cancers (breast, ovarian and colo-rectal). This is a direct result of the synthesis of Vitamin D, which is important in warding off these types of cancers.
10. Improved Sleep Patterns: Melatonin production is enhanced by sun exposure. Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland, that encourages sleep.

So how much exposure gives you these benefits? Depending on your skin type, you probably need 5 to 30 minutes of sun exposure to the face, arms, back or legs (without sunscreen) twice every week. Since exposure to sunlight is a risk for skin cancer, you should use sunscreen after a few minutes in the sun and even in the winter and on hazy, cloudy days.

So, as you can see, if you have been missing and yearning for the sun recently, there is good reason. Where do you live? Do you get a lot of sunshine exposure? Have you witnessed these benefits?

Related Topics:

Sources:

http://www.vitamindcouncil.org/

http://www.uvfoundation.org/

http://www.sunarc.org/

Today, women (and men too), constantly battle with the media’s output of retouched, highly manipulated photographs, and struggle with what ‘real beauty’ really is.  In a world where botox, plastic surgery, and fillers are the norm, fake beauty seems to be what people want.  Personally, I don’t get it and applaud Dove’s attempt to battle the fake beauty movement.

What do you think about the video?  What do you think about fake beauty?

Related Topics:

• 5 Reasons to Stop Comparing Yourself to Celebrities
• Botox and the Freedom of Expression
• ‘Less Invasive,’ Invasive Cosmetic Procedures
• What Parts do You Love the Most about Yourself?
• 10 Ways to Not Look Old

Romantic love has been studied from several perspectives, resulting in a deeper understanding of human relationships. In his book, Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix presents three of these perspectives–the bio-logic, social-exchange, and persona theories:

The bio-logic theory is that there is a biological basis for romance. This evolutionary premise is that we instinctively choose mates who will ensure the survival of the species; for example, men with overt alpha characteristics–domination of other males–and women whose vitality and health indicate a woman at the height of her childbearing years.

The social-exchange theory is based on the idea that we choose mates whom we see as our equals. According to this school of thought, we conduct an evaluation of a prospective partner which is more involved than that of the bio-logic model. Not only do we evaluate a person’s youth and social status, but other qualities such as their creativity, intelligence, humor, and kindness.

The basis of the persona theory is that our mate is determined by the degree to which he or she raises our self-esteem. Many of us have felt pride and perhaps some embarrassment because of the way we believe our partners are perceived by other people.

While these three premises provide partial understanding about the mysteries of attraction, there are questions which these theories don’t address. For example, to what can we attribute feelings toward our partners that are emotionally overpowering? And why do we often react so strongly to the demise of a relationship? Based on these three theories, a logical reaction to a romantic break-up might be to simply re-enter the process of finding a new mate. They don’t account for the intensity of emotion we commonly experience.

There are few situations which provoke childhood wounds more powerfully than a relationship with a partner. These old wounds often appear as jealousy, anger, withdrawal, or fear. In an attempt to avoid the pain we believe our partner is causing, we may terminate the relationship. This is often a missed opportunity. If those closest to us invoke that which needs healing inside of us, withdrawing from them is not necessarily the best choice. Instead, we can turn our attention inward and begin to observe ourselves–and the origin of our wounds–and use our new awareness to make more conscious choices in our relationships. It is important to note, however, that if a damaged relationship is to be salvaged, it requires the willingness of both partners to engage in their own healing process. If one of the partners is unwilling to explore and challenge old destructive patterns of behavior, it may be the healthier choice to dissolve the relationship.

There are circumstances when it is better to leave a relationship or marriage. For example, in cases where there is emotional or physical abuse. However, a great majority of marriages and relationships do not have to end, if people only understood the origins of their pain, and rather than blaming their partner, took responsibility to actively participate in their own healing.

The bio-logic, social-exchange, and persona theories can play a part in our choice of partners. However, I believe that it is primarily the unconscious mind, in its quest to recreate and heal the damage many of us have incurred in childhood, which draws into our lives those people who provoke the re-surfacing of our deepest wounds. Therefore, if we are ever to free ourselves from the negative effects these wounds have on our lives and relationships, it is necessary for us to focus our attention on becoming aware of their nature and origins, and take action to address and heal them.

Copyright 2008 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved

Hmmm…did you notice the ever so tiny missing part of this cycle?  You guessed it, there was no step between ‘achieving it’ and ‘then moving on.’  Recently, it has become clear to me that I have never spent much time celebrating my accomplishments.  Sure, there is always a little ‘Woohoo!’ expressed or a dinner with a toast, but once the next day arrives, I move on as if nothing special ever happened.

Recently, this pattern repeated itself when I received my architecture license.  You aren’t officially considered ‘an architect’ until you get your license, which requires that you first complete a 3 year apprenticeship and then pass all nine torturous registration exams.  It took me 14 years.  This lengthy, drawn out process wasn’t a result of failing and having to retake the tests, it was more a reflection on the fact that I HATED studying for them, let alone taking them; my career path was extremely non-linear; my schedule was always hectic; and I wasn’t really sure I wanted it enough.   Yet, after those 14 long years, I received my license, said a little ‘Woohoo!’ and moved on to set my next goal.

I have to believe I am not alone in this pattern of behavior.  Many of us, especially Type-As, have a difficult time acknowledging, let alone celebrating, our accomplishments.  I look at my mom, who I admire so much for all that she has done in her life, and I know she doesn’t view her own accomplishments nearly as highly as I do.  And, vice-a-versa.  Well, I’m ready to stop the vicious, non-celebratory cycle…and if you are in the same boat…so should you.  Here is how you can start adding ‘celebration’ into your achievements.

1. Journal the Process: As you work towards your goal, journal the process.  This will give you something to look back on and to remember how hard you worked to reach your goal.
2. Acknowledgment: When you achieve your goal, stop and acknowledge it. Soak it in and feel good about it.
3. Look Back at What You Did: Bring out your journal and read through what you had to do to accomplish what you set out to achieve.  Take some time to remember the struggles, the ups, the downs, the setbacks…all of it.
4. Reward Yourself: Find a way to privately and independently reward yourself for your accomplishment.  Buy yourself a present.  Splurge on a day at the spa.  Take time for yourself.
5. Celebrate with Friends and Family: Find a way to include others in celebrating your accomplishments.  This will help you to accept and legitimize your success.  It will also allow you to share your success, which will heighten your own self-awareness of what you have done.
6. Take Time: If you are naturally a goal setter, resist the urge to leap into a new goal immediately.  Give yourself a week or so to enjoy, relax and bask in the glory of your accomplishment!

Do you have the same problem or have you learned to celebrate your accomplishments?  Why do we struggle with acknowledging or feeling good about our achievements?  Why can’t we celebrate our own accomplishments but can easily celebrate others’?

Related Topics:

• 5 Reasons We Love Success Stories
• Organize Your Life to Reach Your Goals
• Do You Push Yourself for Success
• Living the Life You Imagined
• The Price of Not Saying No

As a frequent traveler, I’m a bit picky about where I crash for the night.  I’ve racked up millions of points on various hotel brands, and as a result, have developed the ‘perfect night sleep‘ checklist:

1. Location, Location, Location: The location of your room is one of the most important aspects to getting a good night sleep.  Why?  Because certain locations will most definitely be noisier than others, easily disturbing you from a deep sleep slumber.
   • Which Floor: When possible, choose the highest floor.  If you can’t get the highest, then try to get on a floor that is a ‘concierge’ or ’suite’ level.  Higher floor levels often have more suites, so the ceiling heights may be taller.  This is good for ‘air-cushioning’ the noise that may come through the ceiling from an above room.  I’ve had my fair share of nights when I was woken up at 2am from loud people getting in from a late night of partying.  Also, avoid the first floor, as it will be the loudest and if you are a female, the least safe.  You always want to be sure that you are at least on the second floor for safety.
   • Where on the Floor: The middle of a guest floor is often the best location, away from the elevators, ice and vending machines, exit stairs and service closets (linens, housekeeping and janitor).  In particular, guest and service elevator machinery is loud and can be heard through the walls of your room.  Further, the ‘Ding’ that lets you know the elevator is arriving on your floor is enough to drive you batty.
2. Renovations: Hotels go through periodic renovations.  When they do, however, they do their renovations in stages.  They usually renovate one floor at a time, which means that the hotel may have newly renovated rooms, as well as old, stinky, worn-out rooms.  Always ask for the most newly renovated, as they will be cleaner, less smelly, and have newer linens, all helping you to feel more comfortable during your stay.
3. No-Smoking Rooms and Hotels: If you are sensitive to smoke, look for hotels that are smoke-free.  Although some hotels have non-smoking floors, there are many smokers who do not abide by these policies, leaving ‘non-smoking’ rooms and floors smokey.  Further, housekeeping staff will do their best to cover up the smell, by over-air-freshening the room, which can often make the smell worse.  Smoke-free hotels, however, see less of this and are often sought after by non-smokers who share your preference.
4. Curtains: Most hotel rooms come with two or three sets of curtains.  ‘Black-out’ curtains, sheers and decorative curtains.  The ‘black-out’ curtains are your sleep time friend.  As their name implies, they black-out your room so that light from outside of the hotel can not infiltrate and disturb your sleep.  Use them.  This will ensure that you won’t be woken up by police car lights, billboards, parking lot lights or an earlier than optimal sunrise time.
5. Do Not Disturb: Unless you get a thrill out of the housekeeper staff finding you in your skivvies, always remember to put out your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign before you go to bed.  This is especially important when you are on vacation.  More often than not, the housekeeping schedule starts much earlier than your vacation schedule.
6. Alarm Clock & Wake Up Call: Unfortunately, I’ve had both wake up calls and the alarm clock fail.  Both of which can be very unsettling.  Not only does this cause you to over-sleep, but you may very well miss an important meeting or sightseeing tour, all while having an adrenaline hangover that plagues you for the rest of the day.  To ensure your schedule remains on…schedule, call down for a wake up call AND set the alarm.  One of these may fail, but rarely will both.

Do you have any tricks of the trade to ensure a good night sleep while traveling?  Have you had any bad experiences when you couldn’t sleep or were woken up, only to not be able to go back to sleep?

Related Topic:

• Your Healthy Sleep Guide
• Is the Sleep Diet Just a Fad
• 6 Ways to Overcome Jet Lag
• 7 Ways to Keep Your Diet Healthy on the Road
• Precious Sleep…When You Don’t Get It
  

There are two things that come into play here…cost and quality of life:

1. The Cost Factor:

Not long ago, I wrote an entry asking the question, ‘Is Medicine the Culprit of Unhealthy Lifestyle Choices? There was great commentary, some of which started a separate discussion around health care costs.  The following was posed: Are unhealthy decisions really that much more costly when those who are healthier, are living twice as long?  Doesn’t the healthier individual end up needing the same amount of health care as a result of living longer?  Hmmm…

2. The Quality of Life Factor:

Once again, I will make the argument that medicine gives us many tremendous things.  We have a lot to be thankful for when we think of curing disease, mending and repairing organs and broken bones, and the like.  However, does medicine also prolong our life too far past our own intended expiration date?

For instance, medicine is so powerful, that we are able to keep a person alive purely by feeding them oxygen and keeping their heart pumping, even though the rest of their body is failing.  We can drug people to levels of oblivion to kill pain and symptoms of life-threatening disease so we can keep them physically alive, but mentally dead.  And, law prohibits those who are terminally ill from choosing death over life, even though they are unhappy and living in an undignified and painful state without any hope for change.

Medicine has successfully removed people’s ability to die with dignity.  Instead, medicine forces people to live like vegetables, sometimes not having any idea of what is going on around them.  And, although there are the rare 99+ year olds who have a sharp and alert mind, more often than not, they are extremely limited in their ability to really LIVE life.

Frankly, I’d much rather die suddenly than live to be 100 without very much physical capacity or for that matter, mental capacity.  Living a life that has very little ‘living’ in it seems pointless.  If we could live to 100 and actually partake in what life has to offer, I’d be all for it, but I’m not convinced this is really the case.  Until medicine can extend our quantity of years AND ensure a quality of life that is worth living, I will continue to ask:  Are we living too long?

As our population gets older, quality of life will continue to be an issue. Do you want to live to 100?  Do you think medicine keeps us living past our expiration date?

Related Topics:

• Is Medicine the Culprit of Unhealthy Lifestyle Choices?
• 10 Ways to Not Look Old
• 9 Ways to Live Longer
• How do You Measure Your Health?
• Are You Old?
  

What’s Your M.O.?

When you’re immersed in a dysfunctional environment it’s easy to lose perspective and find yourself engaging in the very same behaviors and dynamics that make your workplace, well, dysfunctional. Therefore, it’s important to take a step back and decide on some guiding principles that will help steer your behavior toward your long-term goals, while avoiding the temptation to go to the short-term dark side. Ask yourself: where do I want my current role to take me? To a better, less whacked organization (that’s a technical term)? A new role in a different department? A completely different career? Your answers to these questions will help you arrive at your personal guiding principles. But, if I could interject my bias, I would recommend tacking on the following:

1. Securing a good reference for the future when you’ve dug your way out of this place. Even if you’re thinking “I would never want/need the endorsement of any of these crazies,” mark my words, the whole burning bridges adage has a way of biting you in the rear at the most inopportune times.
2. Be true to who you are by behaving in a way that you can be proud of. At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself so remind yourself of your values be sure to stick to them.

Step Away from the Water Cooler…

Anytime employees are unhappy and morale is low because of layoffs, pitiful raises, unpopular management decisions – you name it – work often turns into 6th period lunch in high school. This dynamic is so easy to get sucked into because it feels harmless (and even delightful) at first but it easily poisons your work environment making it difficult to balance your professional relationships with the disdain you feel for your situation. It often results in you feeling worse about your plight. So when the sounds of whispers begin to swell and everyone is spending more time sharing dirt on their boss than doing work, you need to take a step back and decide between sitting at the cool kids table – where catharsis has taken an ugly turn – or you can do like your mama told you and take the high road. I recognize that the high road is no fun at all. It’s natural to want to get in on the action especially when you’re among the disgruntled but this is where your guiding principles play your conscience. You are doing yourself no favors by tarnishing the strong reputation you’ve built in your organization by becoming known as someone who talks smack. It could hurt your chances of a good reference, and you’ll likely feel childish looking back on your behavior. The high road won’t satiate your need for instant gratification, but you can sleep soundly knowing that you did what was best for you and your conscience.

Be the Voice of Clarity

When decisions are unpredictable, praise is misplaced and priorities conflict more often than the judges on American Idol – getting clarity on expectations is a must. This is important for your own sanity but also protecting yourself. Make sure you ask questions and get definitive answers about deadlines, who’s responsible for what, and the scope of deliverables. If you can document this information – even better! A simple spreadsheet will do. This will help keep you on track with your work, make it easier to communicate progress, have conversations about adjusting expectations and gather the praise when you complete major milestones on time. Just because you work in the crazy factory doesn’t mean you have to be one of the inmates. Taking conscious steps toward your individual career goals will leave you feeling empowered amidst the chaos. You may want to slap me for my idealism, but I personally feel that these challenging situations build our professional character and can even expedite the process of finding a role/organization/career in which we can really flourish. Having a sense of humor about it all doesn’t hurt either. You may feel imprisoned by your circumstances but I bet you have a truck load of outstanding stories – that’s worth something! So the next time you’re sharing work war stories over cocktails and you one-up your pals with the one about the time your boss asked you to photocopy your face so she’d have a scale model of a human head (sadly, this is true) – you’ll be secretly glad that a little splash of crazy has graced your work history.

Saving money is actually pretty simple to do and does not have to drastically affect your lifestyle. Interestingly enough, it follows the rule of dieting. If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, you may have found that cutting out the foods you love completely, usually doesn’t work in the long term. Although there are a few of us that have the will power to end our habits “cold turkey,” for most of us it just isn’t realistic. Many of us have learned the hard truth that if you try to make a fast and permanent switch from eating burgers and fries to salads and water, it just isn’t going to work.

This concept is perfectly analogous with that of a savings plan. If you try to save too much at one time, your quality of life will suffer and it is unlikely that you will be able to continue your savings plan in the long-term. You could become a yo-yo saver!

The solution is to save frequently in small amounts, without limiting your lifestyle. This method is just like how one changes eating habits to include more fruits, vegetables, steamed fish and grilled meats. You will not crave more food because you are still eating enough to satisfy your body. In the same way, you will not crave to unnecessarily spend money because you are not hording your salary. You are incorporating saving into your lifestyle.

The only way to make this a lifestyle change is, instead of saving in big chunks, set up an automatic savings plan that transfers small amounts out of your checking account and into a competitive interest savings account each week or each month. You have a busy life and hardly have time to go to the gym or cook your own food, how do you expect to put money away on a regular basis? Well, just like you wish you had a chef to make you nutritious food in normal portions and a personal trainer to motivate you and instruct you on the best possible workout, automatic transfers perform the same job with your money – and it’s free! The chances of you sticking with a savings plan are much higher with this method. There are great no-fee, no minimum, FDIC insured savings accounts such as ING Direct and FNBO Direct.

But I Don’t Have Extra Money to Save!

I know times are tough but I bet you do. Again, using the diet analogy, when you are on a diet you keep a record of everything you have eaten. So try recording your expenditures for 7 days by carrying a small notebook around. I guarantee it will be eye opening! At the end of the week, peruse your notes and you just might find some extra money that could have gone into a savings account. Even $20 a week makes a difference when it comes to compound interest.

The general rule of thumb is that you should have six months of living expenses in a savings account before you move on to investing. When you do start investing, the same principle applies but this time it is called dollar cost averaging. You set up an account, choose a few mutual funds and set up a transfer of, say, $100 a month. That way, when the price of the mutual funds are high, your $100 buys fewer shares and when the price is low, the $100 buys more shares. Sharebuilder is a company that allows dollar cost averaging at low cost. I did this on a monthly basis when I first started working and was able to have enough to go to graduate school 5 years later.

My friend Eric has Crohn’s Disease…a gastrointestinal (GI) disorder that often results in a lack of absorption of proteins, calories, and vitamins. These deficiencies or malabsorption of nutrients means that diet is really important, because without the right amount and balance of nutrients, a person like Eric will find it difficult to gain weight and won’t get the nutrients he needs for proper growth and bodily function.

For years, Eric wouldn’t pay much attention to what he ate.  He would eat whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, never thinking about his caloric intake.  For the most part,  he would eat twice a day, mostly consuming fast food (Taco Bell is his favorite) and highly processed foods.  Exercise wasn’t in his vocabulary and he would often feel sluggish and tired. And when it came to his mental outlook, Eric suffered from depression, tended to be moody and felt less than positive.  At 5′ 4″, Eric was a mere 114 pounds…significantly underweight for his height and frame.

This last year, however, Eric started to make some changes.  He started going to the gym on a regular basis, doing light cardio and strength training.  He eats 3 meals a day and has protein shakes to ensure he is balancing his need for protein with his carbs.  He eats less processed foods and has a more varied diet of fish, pasta and steak.   The result?  He has much more energy, feels great and has a positive outlook on life.  He is now 140 pounds, and still has the same lean body mass as he did when he was 114 pounds.  His weight gain has been solid muscle (Before and after pictures above)!

When I speak to Eric, he tells me that he has a whole new perspective on health.  He LOVES feeling this way and would never want to go back.  It has done so much for him beyond enhance his physique…he also feels great mentally.

Eric’s story, and others like his, make me want to shout from the mountain tops.  I love hearing about success stories, because I think they are one of the most powerful tools in motivating people to live healthy.  Here’s why:

1. Feeling is Believing: It is one thing to tell people that living healthy is going to make them feel and look great, it is another for them to actually feel it.
2. It Eliminates Excuses: Anyone who thinks they ‘can’t’ be healthy or do something because they are sick, are weak or don’t have time, will question their own excuses when they read success stories.  It is all about a person’s mindset.  Positivity always out wins negativity.
3. Just Like Everyone Else: Success stories give people hope and inspiration in an approachable way.  People who are afraid to take the first step or think they will fail may be intimidated or feel unsure of embarking on a new lifestyle.  Success stories give people someone who they can identify with and the encouragement they need to take the first step.
4. More Compelling than Doctor Advice: Everyone knows what they are supposed to do.  But it is always easier said than done.  If a Doctor tells you that you need to lose weight or exercise, you may recoil, become defensive or ignore their “prescription”.  However, when you hear of someone overcoming the same challenges you face, it is much easier to sit up and take notice.  “Supposed to” turns into “Really?  You were just like me and now you feel better? I want to feel better!  Sign me up!”
5. Warm Fuzzies for the Underdog: Call me a sap, but I tend to root for the underdog.  I love to see people conquer their obstacles and challenges to ultimately be successful and overcome the impossible.

Have you had a success story?  What was it?  How did it make you feel?

• Gina’s Success Story: Overcoming Disease through Exercise and Diet
• Calculate Your Caloric and Nutrition Requirements
• Top 5 Excuses for Not Exercising
• Organize Your Life to Reach Your Goals
• Do You Push Yourself
• Calculate Your Lean Body Mass
  

When I first started SheerBalance.com, my goal was to help people…to help people find balance in their every day hectic lives.  Nothing more, nothing less.  When I started my blog, however, this changed the dynamic.  I put myself out there, gave the brand a voice and started to provide opinions on things that I thought were either relevant or thought provoking.  Not only did this increase traffic exponentially to the main site (which is obviously a good thing), but it also gave people a person  with whom to identify.  For the most part, I’ve been really fortunate.  I’ve gotten great feedback, heard some interesting perspectives and have had thought provoking dialogue with many individuals.  I have had people agree with me, disagree with me, debate with me, etc.  All good in my mind, for without questioning or debate, we rarely have progress.  But with all of this good-stuff also comes the seedier side of the internet.

As a result of my blog, I have seen individuals who are rude, inappropriate and disrespectful.  Unfortunately, the anonymity of the internet brings out the worst in a lot of people.  The irony of it all is that those who are most rude and obnoxious, never put themselves out there to actually say anything on their own.   They RARELY, if ever, have any blogs themselves.  They only criticize and degrade others.  Thank goodness for comment filters!

In short, having an anonymous outlet with which people can state their minds, enables abusive and disrespectful behavior.  It is truly pathetic.  Over the last year these are some of the delightful things that I have had the pleasure of putting up with:

1. Pet Names: Warm fuzzy names, including: Bigot, B_tch, f_ckin idiot, and more.
2. Sex Changes: Perceptive individuals who think I’m a man, calling me a ‘chode’ (which I actually had to look up in the internet dictionary), a gay pr_ck, a d_ck, and other colorful terms.
3. Legal Counseling: “Legal assistance” from anonymous individuals who spend lots of time finding remotely similar articles and topics and have been kind enough to accuse me of plagiarism.
4. Private Investigation: “FBI wannabes” checking out my credentials and telling me that I could never go beyond an undergraduate degree and will never make more than 40K.
5. Expert Opinions: Individuals pointing out that I have no relevant experience or knowledge to discuss any of the topics that I do.
6. Open-Mindedness: Individuals telling me that I have no right to my opinion.
7. Constructive Critics: Written paragraphs upon paragraphs complimenting me on how useless my articles are and that I’m stupid; and sometimes will even be so kind to correct my grammar and spelling.
8. Pen Pals: I’ve been emailed directly and verbally abused via individual’s rants.
9. Crushes: I’ve been stalked on Facebook.
10. Strategic Partnerships: And, although I would never say that this is email abuse, I once received a HUGE package from the President of the Corn Refiners Association, containing every lab result, every piece of data, and every piece of positive press coverage that they ever had, asking me to have an “open mind” about High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Going into this business, I never really thought I’d have to develop a thick skin, but I guess I was overdo.  In all honesty, I probably benefited greatly.  So on behalf of all bloggers and internet media companies, I’d like to thank all of the anonymous internet bullies.  You really brighten our days!  Keep up the good work!

Have you ever been subjected to mean and inappropriate behavior over the internet?  How have you dealt with it, if at all?

Related Topics:

• Join the Sheer Balance Community
• I Hate Social-Networking
• Dealing with Bullies
• Turning Challenges into Opportunities
• Thank God I Wasn’t THAT Person

Some of us fall into this category, and a lot of us don’t.  But, for those of us who do, the idea of “You can never have too much of a good thing” rings true.  If I really love something, I want more of it.  This pertains to chocolate of the deepest and darkest varieties, it pertains to a great performance at karaoke, it pertains to eating a good cheese, it pertains to fine champagne, and it even applies to time spent with people who make me feel great.  Pure and simple, I can’t get enough.

I think there is a fine line between having an addictive personality and being an addict. That fine line is called ‘awareness’.  Here is how awareness is vital to not crossing the line:

1. Having a sense of awareness that I have the potential to be addicted to something allows me to make the conscious decision to stop the addiction before it becomes a problem.  In other words, awareness gives you willpower.
2. Without awareness, the good always outweighs the bad of over-succumbing to your object of desire. With awareness, you can see the negatives of overdoing it and the possible repercussions.
3. Awareness allows you to enjoy your guilty pleasures in a healthy way so that you don’t have to completely cut them out of your life.

Do you think you have an addictive personality? Have you ever become fully addicted? What did you do to stop the addiction?

Related Topics:

• Is Willpower Biased?
• Can You Influence What You Crave?
• Chocolate – A True Love Affair
• Know When to Give into Your Cravings
• Do You Exercise Too Much?
• Are You a Carbaholic?
  
• Common Traits of an Addictive Personality
  

This mindset is no surprise. From childhood we’re conditioned to view aloneness as something to pity, fear, or feel ashamed of. Parents become anxious when their children don’t have play dates. Teenagers’ self-esteem is based on how many friends they have. And, all too often, adults measure each other’s well-being by whether or not they have a significant other.

Mastering the art of aloneness is not about being alone. It means living a life in which you feel whole and happy, and can take care of yourself emotionally and financially. It involves embracing aloneness as an opportunity to develop the self-awareness and life skills needed to live a full and gratifying life–whether you’re living it alone or with someone else.

Pursuing self-mastery not only enhances the quality of your relationship with yourself, but it changes your relationships with others. Instead of expecting another person to make you whole, you engage in relationships with a sense of being complete on your own. Self-sufficiency builds self-esteem, allowing you to participate in relationships with others out of conscious choice, rather than out of neediness or fear of being alone.

By actively embracing your aloneness, you create new results in every aspect of your life. Below are a few of many steps you can take to strengthen your relationship with yourself and use the state of “aloneness” to develop greater self-esteem, personal fulfillment, and financial security.

• Learn about and develop who you are: Imagine how life would be if we all put as much energy into developing a loving relationship with ourselves as we do in our relationships with others. Personal development work (coaching, workshops, therapy, etc.) allows you to better understand your strengths and passions, the influences that have shaped who you’ve become, and to live life by deliberation versus by default.
• Develop an inner support system: Deploy stress-reducing strategies by getting enough sleep and exercise, meditating, scheduling leisure activities, extending compassion to yourself through supportive “self talk” (”great job!”, “you’re magnificent!”, etc.), and maintaining a diet that supports your well-being.
  Develop an outer support system: Build friendships with people who support who you really are, and utilize external resources to help you achieve your full potential (a holistic physician, nutritionist, fitness trainer, life coach, etc.).
• Take financial control: Make a list of your monthly expenses and income. If you live beyond your means, you need to alter your lifestyle or develop a plan for earning the money to support it. Being financially dependent on another person is a risk; if that person disappears from your life, so does your financial security and quality of life.
• Do work you love, in which you can excel: The smaller the gap between who you are in your personal life and who you are at work, the happier you will be. A job aligned with your strengths and passions makes going to work a joy, versus a daily source of frustration.
• Create and live your ideal life: Write the book you long to write, buy your dream home, open your own business, interview for your dream job. Instead of waiting for someone else to provide the life conditions to which you aspire, take action to bring them to fruition.

Copyright 2008 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved

With the ceremony of graduation comes commencement speeches, when often, a well-known public figure imparts wisdom to the new graduating class. Although every speaker is different and has different perspectives, many address topics that they often feel are especially poignant and relevant to the time of graduation. Speakers may discuss the political, economic or social landscapes of the nation or world, or give a motivational pep-talk for new graduates to go out and make a real difference, or provide life lessons the speaker has learned in his or her lifetime.

To be honest, I can’t say I remember a lot of what was said at either of my undergraduate or graduate graduation ceremonies. But if I were to personally deliver a commencement speech or convocation address, there would be certain things that I would want to tell graduates. And if I were graduating today, I know I would have appreciated hearing these things myself:

1. Believe in Yourself. If you believe in yourself, others will believe in you as well.  Believe in all that you are, all that you can be and all that you stand for.
2. Never Stop Dreaming. Dreamers have the ability to change the world.  They envision the impossible and make it happen.  Follow your dreams and you will achieve the unachievable.
3. Do What you Love. Life is too short to not enjoy what you do.  Don’t do what you think you should do, or what everyone else wants you to do, or for that matter, what you think everyone wants you to do.  Find your own passion, and do what you love.
4. Stay True to Who You Are. Don’t forget where you came from or what you believe in.  Remembering this will help you to make the best decisions in life and will help you to live a life without regret.
5. Don’t Settle for Mediocrity. In Jim Collin’s first sentence of his book “Good to Great”, he states,  “Good is the enemy of great.”  Good is often sufficient.  Greatness, however, never settles.  Greatness expects more…always.  Expect the best from yourself and from others, and always look for the opportunities to make things better.  Don’t accept things as they are, for positive change comes from improving what is.
6. Don’t Burn Bridges. There will be times in your life when you may not care what other people think, but you never know when those people may pop up in your life again.  Always do the right thing and maintain your relationships, for they may prove to be invaluable when you least expect it.
7. Live Honestly and with Integrity. At the end of the day, you only have to answer to yourself.  Keep the promises that you make and stay true to your word.  Live in a way that makes you proud and in a way that enables you to look in the mirror every morning and like what you see.
8. Live with Humility. We all are imperfect and it is important to acknowledge our flaws just as much as our positive traits.  Be thankful for your talents, for your successes and for the good fortune that comes your way.  Don’t ever expect things just because you think you deserve them.   You have to earn them.
9. Love, Respect and Forgive Yourself. Self-love is most important when it comes to finding and experiencing love with others.  Always treat yourself with kindness and forgive yourself for the times that you make mistakes.
10. Love Others Openly. When you love, love openly and unconditionally.  This will allow you to experience a deeper love that can celebrate the best of times, as well as get you through the worst of times.

Some of these may seem cheesy to some, but I believe that all of these are important to living a full, meaningful life on which you can look back and smile.

If you were to impart your own knowledge and wisdom to new graduates, what would you tell them?  What lessons would you want them to learn?

Related topics:

• Are You Living the Life You Imagined
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• Living a Childhood Dream
• Do You Push Yourself?
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For the better part of my career, my ability to work from home would only come once in awhile when I would finagle a reason to do so.  I was lucky enough to have a work laptop, which made it easier for me than for most.  But, I never really got the full-throttle ‘work from home’ experience until recently.  And I’ll tell you, now that I have, working from home is underrated…pure and simple.  I’ve fallen in love with it and I hope that I can find a way to keep this gig going.

Here are my favorite things about working from home:

1. No more 9 to 5: I’m not restricted to the conventional work day.  I get to set my own schedule.  More often than not, I tend to work normal hours, but if I feel like working half a day, then working out and then working a few more hours, I can.  Further, I get to schedule the beginning of my day when I want instead of when the ‘man’ wants me to.
2. Less Chores on the Weekend: When I used to come home after work, straightening up the house or doing the dishes were the last things I felt like doing.  As a result, the weekend became ‘clean up time’ and ‘chore and errand time’.  Now, I’m able to stay more on top of things throughout the week, which makes cleaning less daunting and I can run an occasional errand or do a chore during  weekdays, leaving the weekend for more play time.
3. Higher Productivity: There are times that you can be distracted, but having the ability to work when you are most inspired, and take a break when you most need it, maximizes your productivity when it feels right for you, instead of when you are expected to.
4. Eat Better for Less: I make my own lunch and dinner right at home, which means I’m eating healthier and spending a lot less money.
5. I Don’t Work for the Weekend: Working for a company made the week drag on.  Working for myself and at home feels like the week and weekend blend together.  I don’t dread Mondays, I don’t hate Sundays and I don’t work for the weekends.
6. Increased Concentration Levels: I can easily get distracted.  Working in an office environment made it difficult at times to focus and do my work without interruptions.  Now, my level of concentration is deeper and more focused.
7. Greater Privacy: Any time I had to make a personal phone call at work, I had to go into a special room or leave the building to do so.  Now, I can make business calls AND personal calls from the same space.  Further, I don’t have any office mates who are inconsiderate with loud decibel levels.
8. No Attitude or Political Drama: Although I could say that I miss some of the human interaction I had when I worked in an office, I definitely do NOT miss those individuals who were patronizing, disrespectful or bullying; or possessed any other endearing qualities. Further, I’m happy to be far away from the political bull__it that is bred in many office environments.
9. No Commute: Working from home allows me to start my day without the extra headache of traffic, jammed subways or exposure to the cold elements.
10. Low Maintenance Wardrobe: I admit, I’ve worked a whole day in my workout clothes or my pajamas.  Not that this happens every day, but it sure is nice not to have to look all put together every day of the week.  Further, not working in an office allows you to spend less money on expensive work clothes.

Do you work from home?  What do you love about it?

Related topics:

• Dealing with Bullies
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Every person, obviously, has different interests.  But, regardless of what you personally like to do, here are some good ways to spend time with yourself:

1. Go for a Walk: This isn’t necessarily a workout type of walk.  Walking alone, even at a leisurely pace, helps you clear your mind, clear your thoughts and think through problems, issues or concerns you may be facing.
2. Go to the Beach/Park/Lake: Being in nature, gives you a multi-sensory way to decompress and relax.  You smell the beautiful, fresh air.  You are visually inspired by the natural beauty with which you surround yourself.  And, you become hypnotized by sounds of the ocean waves crashing, seagulls squawking or a distant waterfall.
3. Read a Book: Reading provides you with a way to get away from your hectic life and learn something new, fall in love or laugh.  It is like a vacation away from life.
4. Take a Class: Taking classes on something you want to learn, whether it be cooking, a new language, dancing or rock-climbing, is highly rewarding.  First, it expands your horizons and gives you knowledge about interesting things.  Second, it allows you to discover new things about yourself.
5. Take a Drive: Taking a drive allows you to explore new places, discover new things and meet new people.  You can listen to your favorite tunes, and stop along the journey whenever you are inspired to do so.

Obviously, there are a lot of other things you can do.  The point is, do whatever you enjoy and have fun.  What do you like to do when you get in your alone time?

Related Topics:

• Do You Spend Enough Time Alone?
• Finding the Opportunity in Being Alone
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• Why is it So Difficult to Relax
  

To override fear, you first have to understand it, as well as the fight-or-flight response that’s been with us from our earliest beginnings. Through evolution, we’re hard-wired to respond to fear with intensity. For our evolutionary precursors out in the wild, the fight-or-flight response was a valuable survival mechanism. It’s not as useful when triggered by modern-day fears. In addition to inducing changes in the autonomic nervous system, cortisol, known as the “stress hormone,” is released in higher quantities than normal in response to the stress invoked by fear. Cortisol helps the system react and return to its normal state once the threat has passed. However, chronic stress causes elevated levels of cortisol, which has many adverse effects, including impaired cognitive performance, suppressed thyroid function, blood-sugar imbalances, higher blood pressure, and increased abdominal fat. In addition, chronic stress can compromise your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness. Ultimately, living with chronic states of fear and stress is unhealthy for our bodies and for our spirits.

Most of our fears are not based on our current reality. They are the product of imagined fears conjured up in our minds-the product of our own fantasies. I refer to FEAR as “Fantasized Events As Real,” because that’s precisely the process that takes place. Of course, if you’re walking alone to your car in a dark parking lot at 2 A.M., you may have every reason to experience fear. That fear is going to propel you to your car, key at the ready, as fast you can move. However, the other kind of fear – the fear that has no basis in reality – is one of biggest things that keeps people from pursuing the life they desire. Fear of meeting new people or trying something new. Fear of success and fear of failure. Fear of leaving a job you hate, getting out of a relationship that isn’t working, or moving to a new city. Fear of defying convention. Fear of change.

Fear rears its head when people attempt to move beyond their comfort zones. Each of us has a comfort zone – a set of boundaries within which we live. These are the situations and circumstances that we know that give us a sense of security because they represent what’s familiar. Staying within your comfort zone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy there. It’s just what you’re used to. Your willingness to expand your comfort zone allows you greater experiences and freedom. To move outside your comfort zone, you have to be able to manage fear. Below are four steps you can take to move beyond the shackles of fear, and create the life experiences and circumstances to which you aspire.

1. Instead of resisting it, acknowledging your fear. For example, “I’m afraid I will fail” or “I’m afraid I’ll be rejected” or “I’m afraid I won’t make enough money.”
2. Identify the “gloom and doom” movie you’re running in your mind. Ask yourself, what am I imagining will happen?
3. Do a reality check. Figure out if your fears have any real basis in fact. Be as methodical as you need to be.
4. Replace the gloom and doom movie with one that supports your goals – focus on the movie of the future state you want to achieve.

Copyright 2009 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative.  Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional.  Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives.  And, although we are all human and have our ‘issues,’ some ‘issues’ are quite frankly, toxic.  They are toxic to our happiness.  They are toxic to our mental outlook.  They are toxic to our self-esteem.  And they are toxic to our lives.  They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics.  Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late.  These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.

• Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem.  They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation.  The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them.  They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met.  You often want to say to them “It isn’t always about you.”

• Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust.  You are left disappointed and unfulfilled.  Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life.  If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast.  If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

• Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything.  Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity.  Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive.  If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’.  If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.

• Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers.  In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over.  If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring.  Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it.  As you achieve, they try to pull you down.  As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

• Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be.  Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself.  Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere.  You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh.  You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response.  You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

• Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria.  This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships.  When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there.  When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are.  When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways.  In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies.  Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you.  Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business.  Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

• Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy.  These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy.  They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you.  They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

• Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process.  They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.

All of these personalities have several things in common.  1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue.  2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one.  3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity.  If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities?  What have you done?  Any personalities you would add?

Related Topics:

• Dealing with Bullies
• 6 Steps to Stop Being Manipulated
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• The Price of Not Saying No
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Growing up, I remember hearing stories of friends of my parents who were left as kids…and I mean KIDS in and around the same age as these two children…on the side of a road, miles away from their home town, with no money, so that they could ‘find their way home.’  These stories were described as a ‘growing and learning experience.’  An experience to instill ’self-confidence’.  Many of these individuals turned out to be well-adjusted, happy, self-confident people.

Unfortunately, today, this idea seems especially disturbing because we have witnessed numerous child abductions, kidnappings, killings and rapes.  So, you could say, we are in different times.  At the same time, however, part of me wants to say ‘What gives?’  I’m not a parent and if I were in the same position as Ms. Primoff, I am not sure how differently I would have handled the situation.  But this story begs the question, when did disciplining children become a crime?

It is not surprising to me that so many children are disrespectful to their parents and to their elders.  Parents are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.  G_d for bid a child act out in public.  If they don’t discipline the child, they risk embarrassment and judgment from surrounding observers who think they are weak and lack the ability to control their child.  Further, the child learns that this behavior is okay, which can manifest itself as bigger problems down the line.  If they do take action and swat the child on the backside or give the child a strong ‘talking to’, they risk being judged as abusive and inappropriate.  Decades ago, it was perfectly acceptable for a parent to discipline their children (not violently, I’m talking a little hit on the rear end).  But not today.

There is no judgment here, on either side.  I feel for Ms. Primoff.  I also feel for the 10 year old girl.  But I’d like to know your thoughts.  Was Ms. Primoff so wrong?  How would you handle the situation?

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• Children Obesity – Who’s to Blame?
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Yes…I admit: I take issue with society putting continual and undue pressure on us to look like celebrities.  The world does not need two, three or four Gwyneth Paltrows.  The world doesn’t need five Matthew McConaugheys.  What the world needs, however, are people who are secure with themselves, happy to be who they are and healthy because of how they live their own lives.

But, this idealistic philosophy doesn’t always ‘take’ with the public, does it?  No, instead, many of us feed right into this self-deprecating behavior of yearning to look like the people on the cover of magazines and finding flaws with who we are and how we look.  I say…”Enough already.”  Stop obsessing about looking like these people and here is why:

1. What You See Isn’t What You Get: If you didn’t know this already, most of the photos you see of ANY celebrity are airbrushed.  Airbrushing gives pictures that beautiful ‘flawless’ look.  If you were to see a normal, every day picture of a celebrity, trust me, they wouldn’t look nearly as ‘perfect’.  Is a matter of fact, most tabloid photos (Enquirer, Star, USWeekly, etc.) aren’t air brushed…and notice, many of them are not very flattering to the victim of the photograph.
2. Photogenic Doesn’t mean Beautiful: There are people who take great photographs.  There are people who don’t.  Most interestingly, however, is that there are mediocre, average looking people who take GREAT photographs and there are absolutely stunningly beautiful people who take TERRIBLE pictures.  So guess what, a photograph isn’t always indicative of how a person really looks in real life.
3. Money Can Buy Looks: Look, many celebrities have had ‘work‘ done.  No, not all, but many.  Sometimes it is subtle, and you will barely even notice, and other times, it is so obvious that you don’t even recognize the person.  Whichever the case, celebrities spend a ton of money enhancing their features, body parts and overall look so that they can appear more beautiful than they think they already are (Note: word ‘think’).
4. It is Easy to Be Beautiful When You are Paid to Be So: Most celebrities live a very different lifestyle than the average, every day person.  They make more money than the average person.  They have more time than the average person and guess what, they have access to more resources than the average person.  All of this equates to having a much easier time of looking good.  Many celebrities are PAID to look good.  And as a result, they spend a ton of time and money on exercising and hiring personal nutritionists, chefs and personal trainers to make them and KEEP them looking good.
5. It Isn’t Easy Being Beautiful: Seriously…it isn’t.  Those celebrities that are worshipped for how beautiful they are have to deal with the painful criticism and scrutiny of the public when God forbid, they do much of anything.  This includes developing a wrinkle or erasing a wrinkle, gaining a couple of extra pounds or losing a couple of pounds, wearing something to revealing or wearing something too conservative.  In short, they can’t win…because someone, somewhere down the line will find fault with them no matter what.  This is when we really need to remember that “Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.”

Do yourself a favor.  Stop comparing yourself with these images and start realizing that you are never going to look like these people.  Instead, start looking like you.  Start believing in yourself and gifting yourself with self-esteem.  Start appreciating your assets. Exercise, eat right and take care of yourself. Love yourself for who you are.

Do you obsess over looking like a celebrity?  Have you become crazed over looking perfect?  Have you purchased a product just because a celebrity you know was the spokesperson?

Related Topics:

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1. Get a change of scenery.
   It works for small children, right? Ever notice how you can turn the most outrageous tantrum into a giggle fit just by leading your baby into another room and showing her a new toy? We can boost our own moods by doing the same. You don’t have to plan an expensive adventure to some exotic locale (although that helps, too). Sometimes getting a change of scenery in the tiniest, most mundane ways can alter perspective on much bigger things. Perhaps eating dinner at the table instead of the couch? Take a different route on your way to work or school. Stand up while you are talking on the phone instead of sitting at your desk. Shake up the little things and see how it can transform your view.
2. Listen to someone else’s story (for a change).
   When we are feeling down about something, it can be hard to be a good listener. But many times, pausing to really hear about someone else’s life can do wonders for our own heads. Inspiration hits us when we least expect it. I recently had the chance to sit down with someone who now spends her days telling other people’s stories of triumph. You may remember Daryn Kagan, a CNN anchor for twelve years before her bosses unceremoniously informed her she no longer had a job with the cable network. Instead of staying home with the covers pulled over her head, she turned her energies into www.darynkagan.com, a webcast devoted to “good news.” Her focus on the art of the possible uncovers the victories of everyday people trying to make the world a better place. That’s a message all of us could use – especially when we’re feeling blah.
3. Help a stranger.
   Hold the door for someone. Offer to carry a heavy package or box. Give directions when asked. A little kindness goes a long way. You’ll immediately feel happier when you take a minute to assist another human being – even in the smallest way.
4. Call a friend.
   When my girlfriends and I have time to call each other, we attempt to fit in a conversation between naptime and conference calls. It can be hard to feel connected when you are just about to start ranting and the baby wakes up from her nap. Kids display this amazing sixth sense for figuring out the exact time to interrupt Mommy when she is just about to finally talk to another adult about what’s bugging her today. But…my point is, even if we never get to finish the whole discussion, I always feel better after a brief “Hi/Bye.” And you know what? So will your friend on the other end of the line.
5. Clean out a drawer.
   Anyone who has either worked with me or lived with me knows that I have a really hard time letting go of stuff. Everything has sentimental value. But as a mom of twin toddlers, with a home growing more cramped by the day thanks to all of their stuff, I am trying really hard to streamline. The best advice anyone gave me is to start small. So take a few minutes and trash the old receipts and broken CD covers taking up space. Clearing out a single drawer, shelf or even your email inbox really does make you feel lighter.
6. Eat something decadent.
   I’m not talking about scarfing down a package of Oreos. When we’re feeling low, it’s too easy to self-medicate with food. I say, eat something terribly rich but do so in a purposeful way. Take a moment to actually enjoy it and let go of the guilt. For me, it’s all about dark chocolate. Oh – heck, anything chocolate. But it really does taste better when I actually sit down to eat it.

In the past, however, I have prided myself in adapting quickly…one day or so for a European destination.  Not too shabby.  This recent experience, however, has inspired me to share what HAS worked for a quick turnaround:

1. Exercise: Staying in good shape, before and after your flight will be helpful.  Continue to exercise at your destination and eat right.
2. Stay Hydrated: When flying, you can easily become dehydrated due to the dry air on the plane.  This can cause you to feel very tired.  Be sure to drink plenty of fluids before, during and after your flight.
3. Do as the Romans Do: Once you reach your destination, adopt the schedule of the time zone you are in.  Eat when the locals eat.  Drink when the locals drink and sleep when the locals sleep.
4. Sleep Schedules: Do everything in your power to get a full night sleep at your new destination.  If you need to, use a sleep aid (such as Simply Sleep) to help you fall off to sleep.  Avoid using them, however, in flight.
5. Shower: If you arrive in the morning, take a cool shower once you have landed.  This will help you to feel refreshed and stimulate circulation, getting you ready for the rest of the day ahead.  If you arrive in the evening, however, take a hot shower before bedtime to help relax and calm your body and mind so that you are prepared for bedtime.
6. Caffeine: Avoid caffeine after the equivalent of 1pm in your new destination.  Caffeine can impact your sleep, making it difficult for you to get adjusted to the new time zone (as it did for me this last time!)
7. Alcohol: Avoid alcohol the evening before your trip.  On the flight, however, you might consider a glass of wine to relax you and help you fall off to dreamland.  Don’t overdo it though…alcohol can disrupt sleep patterns and dehydrate you.
8. Eat Often: Especially on the first or second day of your trip, consider eating light snacks every couple of hours.  This will help you to keep your metabolism cranked throughout the day, but will also avoid potential food comas from over eating and restlessness from too full of a tummy while trying to sleep.

Have you had a successful regimen for avoiding jet lag?  What works for you?

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Personally, I have a love-hate relationship with these online networks. On the upside, each has its benefits; and the idea of linking with the world is extremely provocative and maybe even romantic.  On the downside, I find some aspects of this form of connecting somewhat off-putting.

Curious if I was alone in my way of thinking, I questioned a lot of friends and colleagues on the topic.  Much to my surprise (and to my delight), it turns out I’m not alone…many people take umbrage with several aspects of the social-networking phenomenon:

1. Ridiculous Updates: ‘Updating’ people on a regular basis on the most insignificant and meaningless things is beyond strange.  Personally, telling people what, how, and where I do things, just doesn’t appeal.  And when I see updates akin to “I brushed my teeth,” “I walked my dog,” or “I pooped,” I’m not launched into a huge state of enthusiasm.  We all brush our teeth, and we all go to the bathroom, but do we really need to share the intimate details of these basic human behaviors?  No…I don’t think so.
2. Insincerity: On more of the social variety of networks, it amazes me when people you haven’t spoken with in over 15 years request your ‘friendship’…only to turn around, after you accept, and never contact you again.  Why connect if you have no intention of…”connecting”?
3. Indecent Exposure: You have to love when people ‘tag’ you in photographs from twenty years ago when you were in your awkward teenage years.  There is nothing like coke-bottom-glasses and braces to make your image and reputation skyrocket.
4. Are we in High School?: I think that this is a bit related to #2…but people who become friends with the world…just so they can have the highest number of ‘friends’ is a bit sophomoric.  Maybe these people weren’t popular in high school and now want to be…or maybe they WERE popular and can’t let go of the wonder years.
5. New Best Friends: I admit, it is wonderful to reconnect with long lost pals, but when an individual ‘cyberstalks’ you, you have to wonder what else they do in their lives.

All of that said, I do agree that there are some real benefits to this format of connecting:

1. Free Marketing: It is a great way for start-ups and companies to gain an underground following.  You can use it to broadcast updates, news and even articles and blog entries to the masses.
2. Virtual Communities: There is tremendous benefit and value in developing virtual communities who are passionate about niche topics (E.g., music, travel, wellness, etc.).
3. Networking Made Easy: Having the ability to store and access information on past and current colleagues, as well as professionals in your industry is as simple as a click of a button.  You can ‘virtually meet’ individuals who may be a great contact.
4. Staying in Touch: And lastly, from a personal perspective, it can be a great way to reconnect with long lost classmates, colleagues and friends, and to stay connected to friends and family.

Now, you might be surprised to learn that I’ve just launched a community (aka…Social Network) for Sheer Balance.  I am extremely hopeful that people will join…make new friends…write blogs about their ups and downs of healthy living…connect through groups, etc.  Mostly, I hope that people find real value in the community and that it doesn’t fall victim to some of the not so attractive aspects.  But, time will tell…

So, what are your feelings about social networking?  Do you find it to be positive?  Do you agree with some of the negatives?  How often do you ‘network’?

(OH…and if you haven’t already noticed…I’d love for you to join the Sheer Balance Community!)

It doesn’t matter what I do when I am alone, as long as I get my ‘me time’ fix.  I might shop.  I might write.  I might take a run.  I might take a bath.  I might even just veg out in front of the TV.  Whatever the activity, it gives me the time I need to get away from others and to let myself recharge.

Being alone isn’t a statement about your relationships.  Although I believe that relationships with others are a very important aspect to life and to our happiness, spending time alone is also extremely beneficial to our mental health and happiness. Here is why:

1. Self Discovery: Spending time alone gives you the ability to discover things about yourself and to get a real understanding of who you are.  We have grown to appreciate the art of getting to know others, but in reality, it is even more important to get to know ourselves, our preferences, our likes and dislikes without other people’s influences.
2. Higher Sense of Independence and Increased Self-Esteem: Being alone and getting comfortable with being alone gives you a higher sense of independence.  Relying on yourself to make choices and decisions increases your self confidence, which then permeates other aspects of your life, including the times you are in the presence of others.
3. No Need to Compromise: Often, we compromise when we are in the presence of others.  We usually work with one another to reach agreement on everything, from what we will have for dinner to what TV show to watch.  Spending time alone allows you to indulge yourself with the things you want to do and the things you love, without any negotiation.
4. Rejuvenation for Your Soul: Getting away from others allows you to decompress and relax.  It gives you a break from the have tos and allows you to focus on the want tos.  It lets you address your own needs as opposed to everyone elses and gives you the opportunity to rejuvenate and push the ‘restart’ button.
5. A Fresh Perspective: Time alone gives you the opportunity to clear your mind and to weed through a lot of thoughts.  This allows you to get to the heart of what YOU really think as opposed to being told or influenced by others and their opinions.  It gives you time to reflect on what is important in your life and how you feel about every day situations that need to be addressed.
6. Higher Appreciation for Those You Love: Giving yourself the ability to be alone allows you to have a greater appreciation for the time you spend with others.  If you never have time for yourself, you’ll wish you did.  It is important to find some balance in this; but once you do, you’ll enjoy your relationships even more.

If you find that spending time alone is challenging, try to start with a small ‘dosage’ each day…even if it is for only 5 minutes.  Each day, try to amp it up by a minute or so until you get to an hour.  After practicing being alone, you will find it comes more naturally in time.

Do you like to spend time alone?  What benefits have you seen from ‘you time’?

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At RosaRose I ate local fare and watched the Fords, or shall I say bicycles and mopeds, go by.  As a European, this time off is custom.  As an American, however, this is foreign (pardon the pun).  But yet, with no cellphone to answer…no laptop on which to type…no internet to distract…you somehow acclimate quite easily.  So easily in fact, you quickly find yourself dreaming of this lifestyle as your own.

Although I clearly had other plans for my day, my new agenda was quite appealing and I was in no rush to leave my little Perfect Storm Haven.  My storm became a calm: my jet lag seemed to dissipate, my hunger was satisfied and my ‘nothing to do status’ became my very own enjoyable siesta.  After a couple of hours, I left recharged and ready for another several hours on the go.  Maybe there really was something to this siesta after all!

In Italy, life seems less hectic…more simple.  And although I can never adopt the Italian obsession with smoking, I can undeniably come to adopt the rest of their lifestyle. Turns out, there were several life lessons to be learned during my time in a simple Bolognese Bistro:

1. Take a Break: We tend to busy ourselves constantly and forget how important it is to take a break, decompress and relax. Being forced to stop and relax because there is NOTHING ELSE to do, gives you an opportunity to really understand how wonderful it is to do nothing.
2. Eat GOOD Food: This means good in quality and in taste.  If the quality is good, there is a good chance it is going to taste good too.  The higher the quality of food you eat, the more likely you will eat less.  My siesta meal was prosciutto, tomatoes and mozzarella…although a bit higher in fat than I would normally eat, as an appetizer it made me full for the rest of the day!
3. Drink Just Enough: Often, I feel that many people over indulge in alcohol in the United States.  In Europe, drinking is a social aspect of the culture:  A glass of red wine with dinner is very normal.  That said, you rarely will see binge drinking among locals.
4. Slow Down: In the United States, especially in coastal cities, I feel that we run at a million miles a minute.  Slowing down helps you enjoy more in life.  For instance, when eating, don’t scarf…savor every morsel in a slow and purposeful fashion.  You’ll feel satisfied on less food.
5. Love the Ones Your With: During my time at RosaRose, it was apparent that people really enjoyed being together.  They were smiling, laughing and chatting up a storm.  Even the waitstaff were jovial.  Whether it be friends, family or your partner, make time together special and fun.

Have you traveled to Italy or any other place in Europe?  Did you have a similar experience?  What valuable lessons did you learn from time abroad?

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Walking home, I met two women in their late 40s who are identical twins.  Although they technically looked alike, one twin looked significantly older…I’d guesstimate about 10 years older.  I came to find out that the older looking twin smoked.  Huh.  Remarkably similar genes…similar environment (they live minutes away from one another)…but very different lifestyles.

These twins were living proof…this was as close as you could get to seeing the impact of lifestyle on the aging process.  Intrigued, I did some research to find out if there were any studies done to document this phenomenon.  Surely enough, there have been.

In a study called Factors Contributing to the Facial Aging of Identical Twins, a team of doctors from the Department of Plastic Surgery at Case Western Reserve University studied the effects of lifestyle and environment on the facial aging process of 186 sets of twins.  Although the study looked at multiple factors in lifestyle and environment, smoking and sun exposure were extremely significant to the aging process.  Specifically, here are the results:

1. Smoking: For those pairs of twins where one twin smoked and one didn’t, the minimum perceived age difference among the twins were 5 years.  For every ten years of smoking, the twin who smoked looked approximately 2 ½ years older in appearance.  Why is this so? Smoking causes blood vessels to constrict, resulting in decreased blood flow to skin.  Further, it depletes the body of Vitamin C, which is key for keeping skin plump and moist. This in turn causes capillaries to become permanently damaged, increased dryness and skin dehydration due to a diuretic effect, a grayish complexion and lastly, an increase in wrinkles, including crows feet.
2. Sun Exposure: Increased sun exposure was associated with an older appearance, especially as the twins got older. Those twins with outdoor hobbies such as golf and tennis had a perceived older appearance, while those who used skin protection (sunscreen) led to a younger appearance.  Why is this so? High amounts of sun exposure breaks down skin’s structural tissues (collagen and elastin).  As a result, skin looks mottled, freckles become more permanent, and skin becomes dried out, leathery, wrinkled and saggy.

Ok, great.  So now we have living proof of these bad boys and their effects on your skin.  But guess what, there are other lifestyle choices that can affect the aging process.  Here are eight more enemies of your skin:

3. Alcohol: Alcohol dilates small blood vessels, increasing blood flow near the skin’s surface. This can cause the skin to look wrinkled, red and flushed.  What you can do: Try to limit yourself to one alcoholic beverage per day.
4. Caffeine: Caffeine can cause water loss from your body and skin, resulting in a lack of plumpness.  What you can do: Make sure you drink plenty of water and limit intake to 300 mg a day.
5. Extreme Weather: Exposure to cold winds and low temperatures or extreme dry heat can dehydrate your skin, leading to wrinkles and roughness.  What you can do: Use a good moisturizer and a humidifier if you are in an especially dry climate.
6. Eating Disorders: Depriving your body of important nutrients, vitamins and minerals required for proper cell turnover and growth can cause skin to become dry and thin.  Further, hair and nails can become brittle and thin.  What you can do: Make sure you are eating enough calories so that your metabolism stays high and your body is properly nourished.
7. Lack of Sleep: Not enough sleep deprives your body of needed rest and doesn’t allow skin to regenerate.  You’ll look and feel tired, develop dark circles and bags under your eyes and your skin will become saggy.  What you can do: Get at least 7 1/2 hours of sleep a night, if not more.
8. Stress: Stress and worry cause frowning, and over time muscles in the face actually conform to that movement, developing lines and wrinkles.  What you can do: Monitor your stress levels throughout the day and find healthy ways to release the stress you feel through breathing and relaxation techniques.
9. Refined Sugars and Low-Protein in Your Diet: Refined sugar and carbohydrates can disturb collagen production, resulting in wrinkles and sagging skin.  Further, spikes in your insulin levels can cause excess amounts of secreted oils, resulting in acne and breakouts.  What you can do: Focus on whole grains, fruits and vegetables for your carbohydrates and a minimum of 20% of your calories from lean proteins.
10. Saturated Fats or VERY Low-Fat Diets: Saturated fats (butter, cream and high-fat dairy) can cause skin to age and become more wrinkled.  However, not having enough healthy fats can harm the oil barrier of your skin, which protects from fluid loss and infection. Too little fat can result in Eczema, Dermatitis (inflammation of skin) and Acne. What you can do: Make sure you eat a well balanced diet that incorporates healthy fats, lean proteins and complex carbohydrates.

As we get older, our lifestyle choices become even more important…especially when it comes to the aging process and looking and feeling our best.  Have you witnessed anything like the twin phenomenon?  Have you made a lifestyle change that has helped you to ‘reverse’ or slow the signs of aging?

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Study cited: Factors Contributing to the Facial Aging of Identical Twins

Although most people in my company were dismayed at my office’s decision, I saw it coming and was very ready for it.  I even cleaned out my desk the day before it happened.  You could say I was a bit over-prepared.  What I wasn’t prepared for, however, were some of my co-workers’ reactions.  I found myself consoling my colleagues about my status, rather than the other way around.  And, no matter how much positivity I expressed, certain colleagues were in short, dumbfounded.  And even though I was quick to assure them that this was good for me…that it was a blessing in disguise…that ‘when one door closes, another opens’…that it is a new chapter…and that I was excited for this change…a few people just couldn’t accept it.

This was crazy!  Somehow, my joy was their sorrow.  My excitement was their disappointment.  My lay-off was their loss.  When I expressed my confusion to my closest colleague about this phenomenon, he very clearly stated, “Brett, for some people, work is their life.  And even though they have family, work is really everything to them.  That is why they see this as so devastating.  You on the other hand, are balanced.  You have your company, hobbies, a social life and other things that give you purpose.”

His statement really hit me.  First of all, although I might own a company called “Sheer Balance”, in no way do I think I’m actually balanced.  Second, I have spent my whole life wanting to get involved in everything, that in certain ways, I have felt that I have actually been involved in nothing (Can you say over achiever?).  Ironically, my ‘nothingness’ has given me the gift of everything.

It makes sense, right?  Those people who dedicate every waking moment to one thing, would be completely devastated if that one thing was taken away from them.  Yet, those individuals who are less focused on a single purpose, but rather are passionate about multiple things, can be at peace if one of the many passions go away.  I never really thought about it, but having a well-rounded life, is akin to the old adage of ‘don’t put all of your eggs in one basket.’

I have to thank my parents for this.  Growing up, they were quick to get me involved in many things.  If it wasn’t choir, it was orchestra.  If it wasn’t orchestra it was tennis.  If it wasn’t tennis, it was horseback riding.  Their parenting made me the crazy, passionate, over zealous, “I want to do and experience everything” person that I am today.  Although I couldn’t understand it at the time, I realize now more than ever, that being an extremely active child and being given the opportunity to be so, was one of the best gifts and one of the best lessons that they ever taught me.  And I’m truly thankful for that.

Have you been laid off?  How did you feel?  Do you see this as a new opportunity or as a devastating blow?

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So, what is a better mentality when it comes to being healthy? Try an additive approach and a little inspiration. Finding ways to add in healthy things in a positive, optimistic way can often be highly rewarding…not only physically, but mentally as well. Further, the more you find ways to be inspired (as opposed to forced) into a healthy lifestyle, the easier it is and the more you will want to do it. Here are a few things to try:

1. Add Journaling into Your Life: If you don’t already keep a journal, now is a great time to start.  Journaling allows you to get your thoughts and feelings out of your head. It provides a very therapeutic outlet where you can find inspiration from yourself and the things you journal about.
2. Add in ‘You’ Time: Often, we run around all day without a moment to stop. Unfortunately, this leaves very little time for ourselves. Start allotting a portion of every day for you. Take a walk, go for a run, go ice skating…do something you enjoy that is active. You’ll be surprised how inspired you’ll become.
3. Add In Foods with More Nutritional Value: Part of the reason we find ourselves craving bad foods as that we don’t eat enough good foods. Adding in healthier foods that provide more nutritional value makes us less hungry, ultimately helping us crave less.  Read ingredient labels and see how many vitamins and minerals the food contains. Eat whole foods like vegetables, fruit and grains. Eat lean proteins that give you the protein you need.
4. Add a Healthy Hobby: Finding a hobby that inspires you to be healthy is a great way to get you in the right mindset.  For instance, try a healthy cooking class to find simple tricks to eating healthy.  Further, taking classes where we meet other individuals interested in similar hobbies or topics is always a great way to gain support in our endeavors.
5. Add in Some Love: Ever notice how when you first fall in love, you are more inspired to look good and feel good?  Whether it be with a pet or a human, find ways to bring back some ‘newness’ into your relationships by finding new activities to enjoy together, having weekly dates at the park, or cuddling up on a cold night. Let the endorphins of love inspire you.

Being healthy doesn’t have to be negative…it should feel great. Inspire yourself to be motivated towards a healthier body and a healthier mind by adding in healthy aspects to your life! What have you added into your life to be healthy?

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As I watched the news this morning and heard the special on the emergence of ‘tent cities’ that are booming across the country in areas like Sacramento and Reno, I had to say to myself…”GOSH! This is not going away!”  I admit, I’ve been somewhat in denial about this for awhile.  Regardless of my lack of interest in topics of finance and economics, I think there was a part of me that was hoping that the economic problems would just slowly fade away, like a bad dream.  The news this morning woke me up.  This is real and this is bad.

The eternal optimist in me, however, believes that with great challenges come great opportunities.  And, yes, this does not discount the severity of the situation, but part of me really thinks that there are some positives in all of this…and that everything happens for a reason.  So, that said, here is my logic around hopeful improvements in the world, as a result of these “tough economic times.”

1. Improved Lifestyle: Our lifestyles have gotten infinitely more complex as a result of the infinite number of options we have.  From the diversity of ethnic food offerings to the number and diversity of technologies offered, we have had to continually make choices within every aspect of our lives.
   • less $ to spend = greater demand for value = less frivolous purchases = less clutter
   • less $ to spend = purchases that provide ‘all-in-one’ benefit = increased interest in products that simplify = simplified lifestyle
2. Improved Environment: For decades, we have spent money in ways that has impacted the environment.  We have depleted rain forests, carved through the ozone layer, and built McMansions…all impacting our precious planet.:
   • less $ to buy a home = increased interest in smaller homes = less square footage = less energy required for heating and cooling = smaller home carbon footprint
   • less $ to spend on energy = increased interest in efficient homes and design = less energy waste and spending
   • less $ to spend on purchases = increased importance placed on permanence vs. disposability = increased purchases of longer lasting products = decreased number of ‘disposable products’ in landfills
3. Improved Health: When the economy was booming, we were quick to indulge and spend on things that weren’t always great for our health.:
   • less $ for habits = less $ for cigarettes = lower cancer risks = improved health
   • less $ for socializing = less $ for alcohol = lower alcohol consumption = less drinking and driving = lower death rate due to drunk driving
   • less $ for junk food = less junk food consumption = healthier population
   • less $ to go out to dinner = less time in restaurants = increase in cooking at home = healthier meal consumption
     
4. Improved Relationships: With wealth and ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ as a driver in our culture, we have lost sight in the importance of our relationships.:
   • less $ for going out for entertainment = more time at home = more quality time with family = stronger family ties
   • less $ for dining out = more eating at home = more family dinner time = deeper connections with loved ones
   • less $ to spend on toys and gadgets = more focus on getting joy from things that don’t cost a lot = increased investment in relationships
5. Smarter Spending: Whether it be Madoff’s grand scheme or investments in the stock market, we have lost billions of dollars.  There are 60 year olds who have lost 40 – 50% of their retirement savings due to risky investments.  Instead of reallocating their portfolio to more safe investments that provide a 5 – 8% guaranteed return, they looked for an 18% potential return.  For these folks, retirement isn’t around the corner anymore.:
   • less $ to spend = greater need for stability = less greed
   • less available debt = lower ability to buy things we can’t afford = improved financial stability
   • less risk tolerance = less risky investments = smarter Investing

I think that there are probably a lot more that I could name, but these seem to pop out first.  Can you think of any positive aspects to this economic situation?

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Throughout life, there are times when we may come across an individual or a situation where a person is very dominant, controlling and possibly even manipulative. Sometimes it is a boss who doesn’t allow us to voice our opinions. Sometimes it is a family member who is very demanding and finds ways to get us to manipulate us into doing what they want. And sometimes, it may be a friend who is very pushy and demands that others do things their way, on their time schedule, forgetting that those around them are affected in the process.

This can frustrate us, making us feel stifled, and worst of all, powerless. And although it may come to a head only once in awhile, if we are in a relationship or friendship where this happens on a frequent basis, it can take a toll, and we can lose our sense of worth and even worse, sense of self. It can be debilitating. The only way we can avoid these feelings is to take the power back, and empower ourselves.

Let’s take an illustrative example of a friend who is perpetually late. You find it irritating and inconsiderate. Moreover, you resent the fact that her perpetual lateness causes you to be late as well. With this example in mind, here are six steps to empower yourself out of her control:

1. Take Charge of Your Life: The only person who can really control your life is you. Start acknowledging how you feel about these situations. Start making decisions for yourself and prioritizing what is important to you. Example: Admit that your friend’s lateness bothers you. Think about the ideal situation and how you would like it to play out. Picture it in your mind.
2. Set Goals: Setting goals allows us to stay true to what is important to us. Goals can be big or small. Whatever the case, create goals that are important to you and don’t let anyone else hurt your chances of reaching them. Example: If there is an event or function that you want to be on time for, set a goal that you will be on time no matter what.
3. State Your Opinion/Thought/Preference: Once you have a goal in mind, state it out loud. State it to yourself and to the other person so they know where you stand. Be clear in voicing your expectation, and don’t leave anything up to the imagination by assuming the person understands what you want. Example: State to the individual who is always late that it is very important to you that you are on time for the event. Let them know you are willing to go without them if they aren’t ready in time.
4. Stand Your Ground: Wishywashiness isn’t going to help you in these situations. Don’t back down from what you believe, feel or want. Stand your ground and follow through with your plan to ensure your goal is met. Example: If the other person is late, leave without them. If you don’t, they will continue to assume that it is okay to push their schedule on you.
5. Stop Relying on Others for Approval: Part of what allows us to be ruled by others is that we want their approval. The reality is, if you respect yourself and stand up for what you want, then others will start respecting you more for it.  Example: If after you leave and the other person gets upset. Make it clear that you informed them you would leave without them. Don’t apologize. You did what was important to you and you stayed true to yourself.
6. Let go: There will be times when these steps aren’t always possible. You might just find that a relationship is repetitively one-sided in consideration. Instead of getting upset, let go. Realize that the person isn’t going to change and that you have the power to not let it bother you. Find ways to ensure that you take care of yourself. Example: If the person continues to be late for everything, stay true to your priority and start going alone and stop caring. Let go of the feelings and just accept them for who they are and start empowering yourself to be the on-time person you want to be.

Empowering yourself is important. Waiting for others to empower you gets you nowhere. Have you had a relationship where you felt you had no power? What did you do to address the situation?

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Almost everyone I know, at one point or another, has tried a fad diet or the latest celebrity tricks to lose weight and look good. Some of us will continue on this path of trying to find a quick fix solution to being healthy. Unfortunately, however, none of these schemes really work, do they? The reality is healthy living needs to be a lifestyle; a lifestyle that is about making the right choices and being in balance…a lifestyle that is smarter.

What does this really mean? It means several things. But most importantly, it means that you are in control and you are the one who has the power to be happy and live a health-filled life. To do so, there are certain principles that you have to be mindful of to achieve and embrace living a smarter, healthier lifestyle. They include:

1. Consciousness. Being conscious of your actions and in tune with your body and mind. Being aware of how your decisions impact your health and how you feel. Being aware of what your body needs nutritionally and physically, and what your mind needs to be emotionally happy.
2. Moderation. Understanding that there will be times where you choose to indulge or take a day off from exercising. Not being obsessive compulsive of your weight or your health. Enjoying what you eat and enjoying the activities you do.
   
3. Self-Love. Embracing yourself and respecting you for who you are. Loving your body, loving your talents, appreciating your whole package. Believing in yourself and what you stand for.
4. Mind-set. Leaving the quick fixes behind and understanding that healthy living is a mindset, not a week or two of extreme behaviors. Embracing a lifestyle that reflects a longer term approach to health.
5. Rest. Getting enough sleep and resting when you need to. Not burning the candle at both ends. Building in the ‘you time’ that you need and so deserve.

If you have had a past that was riddled with unhealthy choices and you have begun a path towards healthier living, you should be proud. That said it is important to actually believe in the lifestyle changes you make. If you don’t, you are in fact…attempting a quick fix. And why is this bad? Because quick fixes are not sustainable. They are a temporary solution to a problem. Would you put a band-aid on the Hoover Dam if it was leaking? Probably not. You would need to make some well-planned structural changes to ensure that the ‘fix’ would last.

Lifestyle change implies permanence and consistency. Taking on a healthy lifestyle should be fun, comfortable and empowering. You are the one who is in control and you are the one who has the power to live a life that is smarter and healthier.

Have you made ‘lifestyle’ changes? How long have they lasted?

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• Exercise in a Pill
• 9 Ways to Live Healthier and Longer
  

Back in the early 1500s, explorer Ponce de Leon traveled to present day Florida in search for the Fountain of Youth.  The idea was that if you drank its waters, you would stay eternally young.  Although this might sound silly, it really isn’t so far off from modern day civilization: people are still looking for that ‘magic potion’ that will keep them young and beautiful.  Sort of funny when you think about it.  No matter how much time passes, we still are in search for the same thing.

Personally, I believe that the true ‘Fountain of Youth’ is found in a healthy lifestyle.  No pills.  No potions.  No magic creams and definitely, no magic fountains.  Whether or not you want to believe in Ponce de Leon’s quest, there are indeed places on earth where people live longer and healthier.

In Dan Buettner’s Best Seller, The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who’ve Lived the Longest, he give us a peek into these modern day cultures of longevity, which include: Sardinia, Italy; Okinawa, Japan; Loma Linda, California and the Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica.  Each of these cultures share nine specific traits that seem to be a true formula to a long, happy, healthy life:

1. Move Naturally: We often think about exercise and fitness as an add-in to our day, but these cultures are naturally active.  Whether it be walking everywhere or even harvesting crops, they stay active as a result of their lifestyle.
2. Eat Until Full: These cultures don’t live to eat, but rather, eat to live.  Food is for sustenance, not indulgence.  They eat until they are about 80% full, and then stop.
3. Eat from the Earth: These cultures have a very large intake of fruits, vegetables and other foods, like legumes and nuts, which grow from plants.  They don’t eat a lot of meat, especially not red.  And they don’t eat processed foods.  Everything is made at home.
4. Red Wine: These cultures drink red wine in moderation.  This means two servings or less a day.
5. Life of Purpose: Individuals in these cultures have a sense of purpose.  They also can see the big picture of life, and don’t get bogged down in the details.
6. Stress Management: Relaxation is part of every day life.  They take time to laugh, spend time with loved ones and enjoy all that life has to offer.
7. Spirituality: These individuals meditate or spend time self-reflecting.  This does not necessarily mean they are part of an organized religion or faith, but rather, have a sense of spirituality and tradition.
8. Family and Loved Ones are a Priority: These cultures have a strong root and belief in the family unit and in deep friendships and meaningful relationships.  Family time is important and they make time for each other.
9. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded Individuals: These cultures put an emphasis on incorporating these values into their life.  As a result, they seek out other individuals who share those values and who they trust to be like-minded.

These nine traits really are a lifestyle worth living.  How many of these traits have you incorporated into your life?

Related Topics:

• There are No Quick Fixes
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• Exercise in a Pill
• Diet or Lifestyle: Why to Choose the Latter
• Get the Book Now! The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who’ve Lived the Longest

Although my weight fluctuates three to five pounds within one day, it also fluctuates seasonally.  In the winter I tend to carry about five pounds or so more on average than I do in the summer. Although this can be frustrating, I’ve come to realize that it is natural to some extent and that it is a cycle that I need to accept.

Chances are, I’m not alone.  Many people gain weight when daylight hours diminish and cold weather sets in.  Some doctors even believe that we have little control over this phenomenon, and that humans are programmed to gain weight when it gets cold. In an interview with Prevention magazine, Dr. Lawrence Cheskin, founder of the Johns Hopkins Weight Management Center, stated “Your body may be working against you to hang on to it so you stay warm.”  So why is this so and what can you do about it?:

1. Food Choices: During the winter, we tend to eat more ‘comfort’ foods that are higher in fat and contain less than healthy ingredients.  Foods like french fries, ribs and chili tend to feel more comforting than salad, fresh fruit and grilled fish.
   What you can do: Look for recipes that use fruits and vegetables that are in season during winter months: kale, squash, onions, artichokes, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower and citrus. Also incorporate soups that are either broth or vegetable based instead of those with creams to warm you up.  Lastly, aim to stay away from fried foods and try baking options (potatoes for instance).
2. Lack of Sunlight: Decreased exposure to sunlight can have a tremendous affect on our mood, and as a result, we eat foods that tend to be rich in carbs, fats and sugars, which make us feel better.
   What you can do: Expose yourself to sunlight regularly.  Although the cold might be a deterrent, bundling up and getting outside into the sun will do your mood wonders.
3. Reduced Activity Level: When it is cold outside, we do everything possible to stay inside.  Further, activities like staying in bed, buried under the covers or on the couch snuggled up in a blanket is a lot more appealing than running on the treadmill or for that matter, outside.
   What you can do: Try finding new activities that are winter appropriate.  Whether it be cross-country skiing, snowshoeing or ice skating, work with the season, not against it.
4. Results on Your Metabolism: Although there isn’t significant evidence that temperature has a great affect on our metabolism, our activity level does.  Specifically, when our activity level is reduced, our metabolism slows.
   What you can do: Strength training, in particular, is very important to keeping your metabolism high, as the more muscle mass you have the more calories you burn.  Aim to do strength training two to three times a week to keep your metabolism revved.
5. Less Skin Exposure: Piling on layers of warm clothes during the winter allows us to hide extra weight more easily.  Unlike summer months, where we are dawning bathing suits on a regular basis, we don’t have to worry about what we look like with 3 or 4 extra layers.
   What you can do: As silly as this may sound, try on bathing suits, sleeveless shirts and summer dresses every couple of weeks.  Visualizing yourself in summer gear can help keep you on track.

Do you experience seasonal weight gain?  What have you done to help combat it?

Related topics:

• 6 Ways to Stay Motivate to Exercise this Winter
• The Importance of Strength Training
• How to Beat Post-Summer Blues
• Knowing When Enough is Enough
• Calcuate your Lean Muscle Mass

Every time a new ‘diet’ comes out, I’m always amazed at how the media touts the newest of the new as being easier than the last fad diet.  When I hear about some of these ‘diets’ on the Morning Shows I watch while I workout, I often end up having a very passionate and somewhat angry reaction.  Why?  Because they often mislead the consumer into thinking there is some ‘trick’ to being healthy.  I’m going to let you in on a secret: There is no trick.  Nope.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but if there is a ‘trick’ then it probably is a sham.

So this week, the fad diet of choice is the Sleep Diet.  Yay…we can now lead consumers to believe that they can sleep away their weight problems!  It doesn’t get much easier than that!  Or does it?

Look, sleep is extremely important to your health and well-being for a variety of reasons. It strengthens and supports the immune system, it boosts cognitive function, it helps ensure strong memory function, and it keeps hormones in check and enables us to look our best and most youthful.  When we don’t get enough sleep, it can be detrimental, especially if this occurs over a long, extended time. Some of these detriments may include high blood pressure and heart-rhythm irregularities, depression, and yes, metabolic changes that can lead to weight gain and diabetes. All of that said, sleeping isn’t the only answer to weight loss prayers.  And to create a lot of hype around it seems senseless.

The reality is, many factors are important to maintaining a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle.  Sleep is definitely one of them, but so is a healthy diet and good nutrition, and regular activity or even more importantly, a consistent fitness regimen.  Sleep isn’t the end all and be all to being healthy.  Lastly, remember that every individual is unique.  Your body responds to different factors differently.  So the most important thing you can do is stay tuned into your body, what it needs and how it responds.

Are there any ‘hyped up fad’ diets you dislike?  What do you think about the idea of making sleep sound like a diet?

Related Topics:

• The Importance of Sleep
• Precious Sleep – When You Don’t Get Enough
• What Makes a Healthy Diet?
• There is No Quick Fix
• Exercise in a Pill

Growing up, I was taught to be an open and honest communicator.  It was expected.  It was expected that if you had a problem, or if you had a conflict, that you discussed it.  You didn’t whine about it.  You didn’t sweep it under the rug.  And, you didn’t act passively aggressively.  Instead, you talked it out, you explained how you felt and you came up with ways to fix it or deal with it.  Although as a child there were times that I thought our household did too much communicating, I now pride myself in being open, honest and forthright.

Recently, however, my belief in open communication turned against me.  Over the last couple of months, I had noticed that my colleague (let’s call him Tom) started acting distant and dismissive.  As peers, my work and his work needed to be integrated to get the job done.  Yet, I constantly felt as though he wasn’t respecting me or including me in important discussions that were vital to the work we were doing.  It became clear that it needed to be addressed, and I told him in a couple of ways, that I’d appreciate if he would ensure that I was part of these discussions.  Ignoring these requests, Tom started displaying passive aggressive tendencies towards me and it was starting to affect the way we worked together.  Finally, one interaction pushed me over the edge, causing me to want to address the situation immediately.  I discreetly pulled Tom aside and told him that I detected something was wrong.  Trying to be sensitive to Tom’s feelings and to avoid putting him on the defensive, I put the responsibility on me by saying that I hoped that I hadn’t done anything to offend him.  This plan backfired.

Instead of taking my gesture as an opening to an honest two-way dialogue, Tom used this opportunity to bully me.  I patiently listened until it was obvious he was through, making sure that I let him fully express himself.  When he was done, I apologized for how he felt and started to explain how I was feeling.  He quickly made it clear that he didn’t care.  All of the feelings I had been feeling for the better part of two months, were completely dismissed.  Further, he was quick to let me know that he had no intention of taking any responsibility for any part of the situation, implying that the problem was completely my fault.  I came away feeling stomped on, deflated and disrespected.  Not quite the outcome I had hoped for.

Although I believe that open communication is the key to successful relationships, this interaction made me realize that it doesn’t work with everyone.  Although I do think speaking with Tom was better than not saying anything at all, it obviously didn’t accomplish what I had hoped it would.

Tom was given the gift of closure; he got to express everything he felt.  I on the other hand, didn’t get to express much of anything and as a result, was left feeling even worse than I did before the discussion.  In hindsight, I feel that I left it all on the table, without any recourse or ability to defend myself.  I feel that I gave him an opening to put me down and to belittle me.  And, I feel that he completely took advantage of me and the situation.

There were a lot of things left unsaid, and I so wish I could have another opportunity to tell Tom what I really think.  Instead, I have to let it go.  Letting go is SO hard!  Especially when you feel that you’ve been beat-up with no ability to defend yourself.  The only thing you can really do in these situations, I guess, is to learn from them, so that maybe history doesn’t repeat itself.  Here were the lessons I learned:

1. Mutual Respect: If you embark on an open dialogue with someone, make sure that both of you respect one another.  If a person doesn’t respect you, talking to them may fall on deaf ears, and you may find yourself in a worse off position.
2. Be Prepared: If you attempt to resolve a conflict, prepare yourself for the possibility of it not going as you would expect.  Otherwise, you may not get all that you wanted out of the conversation.  Create a list of the things you want to address to ensure that you get to make all the points you want to make.
3. It Takes Two to Communicate: If the person is not a big communicator to begin with, it might be a sign that the conversation may not go as you hope.  It was clear to me that open communication was not in Tom’s repertoire unless it was one-way.
4. Sharing Requires Caring: If the person you are hoping to speak with is not interested in your feelings or concerns, you may be left feeling empty.  If the person doesn’t care, it isn’t worth the emotional investment.  Stick to the facts and don’t let emotions get involved.
5. Timing: When we are upset and want to talk about something, it is important to take some time to really think through how we are going to have the conversation.  I reacted emotionally, wanting to solve something on the spot.  As a result, I didn’t really think through how I would approach him or where we would have the conversation.  Instead, it was on the fly and in a setting that didn’t lend itself to having a thorough conversation.
6. Self Confidence: We all have moments where we lack confidence, but if someone has self esteem issues deep down at the core, they will mask it by being a bully or pointing fingers…and not taking any responsibility for anything themselves.  In this case, I suspect that Tom has issues that have nothing to do with me, and instead of acknowledging that maybe he was partially wrong in the situation, he had to make himself look and feel better by placing all of the blame on me.

Replaying the conversation in my head, I realize that I totally enabled his behavior. I didn’t stand up for myself, because I was blindsided by his attack.  If you think you want to have a conversation with someone, be sure to respect yourself in the process.  You are the only one who is going to stand up for yourself!

Have you had a situation that was similar?  Did you open a conversation with someone only to find that they didn’t value or respect you?

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• Managing, NOT Kissing Up
• Thank God I wasn’t THAT Person
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Valentine’s Day tends to conjure up images of big red heart boxes stuffed with Russell Stovers chocolates.  Dare I say, “Yuck!”?  Not only is the heart shaped box somewhat lacking in creativity, but it is also filled with low quality chocolate that leaves you feeling over-sugared and underwhelmed.

Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is bitter-sweet.  If you are in a relationship, it is an over commercialized, over priced holiday, that compels individuals to purchase hokey gifts and merchandise for the pure sake of saying ‘I love you.’  If you are single, you either find ways to celebrate it with friends and family or avoid it all together, hating the fact that there is a holiday to remind you that you are indeed…single.  But it doesn’t really have to be that way, does it?

Valentine’s Day, in its truest sense, is a celebration of love.  And although we tend to focus on love shared with a special someone, love can be shown towards yourself, your pet, your family, your friends and even strangers.  So what better way to say I love you, to any special person in your life (including you!) then to show you care about their health and longevity?  Here are some thoughts:

1. Dark Chocolate. If you are going to do the candy thing…go for the highest quality, healthiest type you can.  Dark Chocolate, in particular is healthy because of its purity in cocoa content and the dose of antioxidants it delivers.  Milk and white chocolates can’t compete.  Some to try include: Endangered Species Chocolate (10% of proceeds go to support species, habitat and humanity), Equal Exchange and Green and Black’s.
2. Gift of Touch. Nothing says you love someone like a massage.  Massage provides multiple benefits to one’s health, including: relaxation and stress reduction, improved circulation, and detoxification.  If you ARE in a relationship, you can always get a ‘couple’s massage’ so that you can enjoy together.
3. Breakfast in Bed. Having breakfast in bed is by far, one of the sweetest indulgences.  Not only does it let your loved one relax and linger in their PJs, but you can cook up something healthy and tasty at the same time.
4. De-Stressing Coupons. You may have seen ‘Love Coupons’ before, but why not make up your own special coupons that are personalized to ‘De-Stressing’ your loved one?  Whether it be to do the chores, take the kids for the day, give them a massage, or walk the dog, you can pamper your loved one with kindness and take a load off of their shoulders.
5. Draw a Bath. If your loved one is busy and doesn’t have much time for themselves, they probably could use it.  Draw them a special bath with essential oils, relaxing music and candles, and they will be whisked off to heavenly bliss.

Do you have any healthy indulgences you have given to your loved one for Valentine’s Day?

Related Topics:

• The Benefits of Dark Chocolate
• The Benefits of Massage
• The Benefits of Detox
• Healthy Breakfast Recipes
• Ways to De-Stress Your Life
• The Perfect Bath Recipe
• The Benefits of Hydrotherapy
  

This month and every month, here are the ways to protect yourself.

• Learn about cervical cancer Education is key and what we don’t know is killing us! Learn about the risks and warning signs of cervical cancer and make sure all the women in your life are educated, too. Make a list of questions for your physician before going to your gynecologic appointment so you are always in control of your body.
• Have a regular PAP test The PAP test is a simple and effective screening tool for cervical cancer. Women should begin having PAP tests and pelvic exams yearly at age eighteen or within three years of the start of sexual activity, in addition to scheduled check-ups with their physicians.
• Minimize your risk You can prevent most pre-cancerous cells of the cervix by avoiding exposure to HPV, a group of viruses commonly transmitted through sexual contact. Remember, a person can have HPV without symptoms and pass it on without any knowledge, so ask for an HPV test at your next gynecologic exam.
• Be vaccinated The HPV vaccine is recommended for women ages nine through twenty-six and protects against the virus that causes almost all cervical cancers and other less common genital cancers like cancers of the anus, vagina, and vulva. Vaccination plus routine PAP tests will be your best protection against cervical cancer.
• Stop smoking Smoking truly affects all aspects of your health and should always be avoided. When it comes to cervical cancer, the answer is no different. Women who smoke are twice as likely to get cervical cancer. So be a good mamma to your lungs, they’re trying to do a good job for you!

Between the cold weather, the economy, the ever-looming possibility of getting laid off and general every day stress, you could say that times are rough and for sure, we all have a bit o’ stress mounting.  Releasing that stress is very important to mental health and psychological stability, but how you release it, can be just as important.

I have to say, I have several ways of releasing stress…some more healthy than others, but I thought I would share and talk about my favorites:

1. Drinks. Yep, I admit, I love my adult beverages.  I do try to keep it to a healthy limit, but the reality is, that after a stressful day, I really enjoy a glass of wine or a drink to sort of ‘numb the pain.’  Wine makes me sleepy, so if I have several hours of awake time ahead of me, I tend to opt for vodka, Soda and a splash of cranberry.  My reasoning: The soda is hydrating, the cranberry is detoxifying and vodka…well, a little toxifying.
2. Karaoke. Singing my favorite tunes with a bunch of friends is not only fun, but creative.  Although my profession(s) require my creativity a good portion of time, creative outlets within the performing arena has a lot more stress release attached to it.
3. Dancing. I need to clarify.  I’m not talking about dancing at a club.  I’m literally talking about being home, with a great song on our sound system (American Boy – Estelle/Kanye West is my most recent favorite) and dancing in my living room.
4. A Bath . I don’t get to do this often, but when I do, I come out feeling like I just had a massage and that my stress has melted away.
5. A Good Time with Friends and Family. There is nothing like spending time and laughing with friends and family after a long week.  Laughter, especially, helps release tons of stress!
6. Exercise. You knew this was coming.  Exercise is by far one of the best stress releases.  Running after a hard week seems to help me forget about all of my worries.

How do you release stress?

Related Topics:

• Techniques to De-Stress Your Life
• 6 Bad Mood Busters
• 5 Things to Do When You Get Home from Work
• I Need a Vacation
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Everyone has spurts of wanting to be healthy.  But often, our reasons for it can be focused on the short-term and centered around looking good.  The truth is there are a lot of great long-term reasons to want to be healthy…all of which have nothing to do with how we look.  Here are some of my personal favorite reasons for being healthy and why I believe staying that way will pay off:

1. To Feel Young and Energetic. When we are young, it is easier to ‘get over’ little sleep, too much bad food and a few skipped days of exercise.  As we get older, it gets harder for our bodies to bounce back.  Having a lifestyle that is full of activity and a healthy diet keeps you moving, feeling energetic and feeling young, at every age.
2. To Ward Off Disease and Health Problems. When we abuse or don’t take care of our bodies, it can manifest in disease and health problems as we get older.  Taking good care of yourself can help you to ward off diseases such as diabetes and heart problems, giving you an overall better quality of life.
3. To Be Pain and Injury Free. Being active and maintaining an exercise regimen keeps your body strong, lowering your risk of injuries to your joints and chronic pain as you age.  Further, incorporating strength training keeps our bones strong, warding off osteoporosis and arthritis, while stretching keeps your body flexible and limber, preventing sprains and muscle damage.
4. To Travel and See the World. Personally, I love to travel and hope to continue seeing the world, even when I’m 80!  Being mobile and healthy makes it a lot easier to fly, walk, get on and off trains and deal with some of the small inconveniences that go along with travel.  That said, the rewards of seeing the world make it all worth it!
5. To Have Low Medical Bills. Chances are, the healthier you are the less likely you will have to go to the Doctor’s office, even for the minor things. This tends to be exponentially true as we get older.  Our habits today truly impact how we will feel and look 20 years from now.
6. To Dance the Night Away. I love to dance and the idea of dancing the night away when I’m 75 or 80 makes me smile.
7. To Feel Good about Yourself. Taking care of ourselves allows us to have a healthy mental state just as much as a healthy physical state.  Being healthy often means feeling good, both inside and out, which helps our self-confidence and self-esteem.
8. To Do Things You Love. Age should never be an excuse or stop us from doing the things we love.  Taking care of ourselves allows us to continue the activities that we enjoy and that keep us young!
9. To Play with Children and Grandchildren. At almost 35, I still have yet to have children.  But, when I do I want to be able to play with them just as if I was 25.  Further, if and when grandchildren come into the picture, I’d like to enjoy playing with them as well.
10. It is Natural Prevention. If we take care of our bodies, we’ll never need to resort to quick fixes that are unhealthy, costly or dangerous, to make us better.  Staying healthy is the best form of prevention in the process of aging.

There are endless reasons to want to be healthy.  It can take work, yes, but the rewards are endless.  Why do you choose to be healthy?

Related Topics:

• How to Stay Young
• Healthy Eating is a Lifestyle
• There is No Quick Fix
  
• Life Changes and their Effects on Your Health
  
• Do You Exercise to Look Good or Feel Good?
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I finally got to go on my vacation.  And believe you me, it did my body and mind lots of good…in many ways.  Besides the fact that I was dislodged from my computer for a prolonged amount of time, relaxed, caught up on sleep and sipped tropical drinks poolside, I indulged myself with two massages.  When I say ‘indulged’, I really mean ‘medicated’.  I have been so tense for so long, that these massages were much more therapy than pampering.

I love deep tissue massage.  Call me a sucker for pain, but deep tissue massage really works out the kinks that result from stress and tension.  Although the first massage was meant for my whole body, my therapist focused on my upper back and neck for about 2/3rds of the time, intuitively honing in on all of the knots that have built up for the better part of a year.  When I left the session, I felt completely relaxed and as if I was floating on a cloud.

The next day, however, that euphoria transformed into a bit of pain.  The areas where the therapist focused on, were especially sore.  The soreness was so strong, I felt as though I did major weight lifting with my neck and back for three hours.  I booked the second massage for two days later to focus on my back, shoulders and neck.  This time, I felt completely relaxed, and managed to escape soreness afterwards.  So, why did I get the pain in the first place?  Here are a couple of theories:

1. Intensity: Some massage types are like a workout.  These types include deep tissue and shiatsu.  They often involve extensive muscle manipulation which can translate into soreness because the body isn’t accustomed to this manipulation. Thai Massage is another form of massage that involves flexing and stretching the muscles.  If you are especially ‘tight’ or inflexible, this can lead to soreness as well.
   
2. Detox: Many massages will release toxins out of the muscles.  This can result in soreness because the body is working to flush out those toxins.  It is important, for this reason, to drink a lot of water before and after a massage to help rid the body of these toxins more quickly.
   

If you prefer less intense massage and want to avoid soreness afterward, you might want to consider types like Swedish and Lomi Lomi.  To reduce the likelihood of pain after a massage, you can take a hot bath or steam shower, which keeps muscles relaxed and helps you to sweat out some of the toxins released during massage.

Have you ever had soreness after a massage?

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In my coaching practice, workshops, and trainings, I often refer to the life conditioning process, and the core beliefs and habitual behaviors we develop in response to the environment we grew up in. Although rooted in the unconscious and hidden from most people, our core beliefs drive our everyday behaviors. And while these beliefs and behaviors allowed us to adapt to and function within our families growing up, they often negate our adult lives. So identifying and shedding these core limiting beliefs and behaviors is a critical key to success.

To help you understand how your own core limiting beliefs and habitual behaviors may be sabotaging your success, I’m going to present three examples of self-defeating behavior patterns I often see in my coaching practice.

The first behavior pattern is avoidance. If you grew up in a family in which you were often criticized, you might hold a core limiting belief of I’m not good enough. Your habitual behavior might be to keep quiet–staying under the radar screen to avoid being judged. While that behavior may have helped you avoid criticism growing up, it sabotages your success as an adult. You may avoid speaking up in meetings or asking for a raise. Or you might settle for a job beneath your abilities to avoid making mistakes and being judged.

The second pattern is controlling. Do you tend to be dominating and confrontational, getting angry when you don’t get your way? Controlling behavior is usually driven by the core limiting belief that I am powerless and have no control. You may have had a controlling parent, or experienced a difficult event beyond your control such as a disruptive parental divorce. This pattern is very destructive. Controllers can have difficulty holding jobs, get passed over for promotions, alienate people, and waste a lot of energy in conflict with others.

The third pattern is approval-seeking. Do you continually put other people’s needs before your own–never saying no for fear of others’ disapproval? If you grew up in a family in which you were loved or accepted only if you did what was expected–if love was conditional–you may hold the core belief that if I meet others’ needs I’ll be loved and accepted. Approval-seekers often experience work overload, and feel unappreciated by and resentful of others.

The first step in overcoming these hidden barriers to achieving your goals involves recognizing what they are. Without judging yourself, observe how you behave in your life. When you start to recognize your behavior patterns, dig down to identify the core beliefs that drive them. Once you’ve identified your self-defeating patterns, develop and start activating the new beliefs and behaviors that support you in achieving the goals to which you aspire.

© 2009 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved

A couple of years ago, the Boston Marathon promoted its event with a series of inspiring billboards.  All of them were black and white images of a runner, with a quote that expressed their reason for running.  Some billboards were of fully mobile individuals and others were of those who were disabled but were determined to cross the finish line, either through a family member’s or friend’s assistance, or through the use of a prosthetic device.  Each had different quotes, but one in particular really stood out: the runner’s response was simple…“Because I can.”

As kids, the “Little Engine who could” told us a valuable tale of an extraordinary spirit…of perseverance…of determination…of believing in ourselves. As adults, we don’t always have tales to teach us these valuable lessons. And, as a result we start making excuses. We stop learning. We stop trying.

‘Because I can’ eliminates these excuses. It pushes us past the status quo and our comfort zones. It gives us a reason to do the things that we think we can’t. And, it enables us to believe in ourselves.

Practicing ‘Can’ thinking is important to keeping us young, to having a positive outlook, to staying motivated and to reaching our goals. Further, it can help us lead richer and fuller lives that are more rewarding. The fact that you have the ability to do something empowers you to do it, whatever the task might be.

How can you use the power of ‘Because I can’? Here are a few ways to incorporate this positive thinking into various aspects of your own life:

1. Be More Active: Whether it is to get to the store or work, or if it is climbing the stairs instead of taking the elevator, embracing a ‘Because I can’ attitude is an easy way to incorporate more activity into your life. Break the ‘I’m tired’ or ‘It is too hard’ or ‘It is too far’ cycle. Increasing your activity level will provide enormous benefits, both physically and mentally.
2. Try Something New: It is easy for us to make excuses for why we shouldn’t try new things. Maybe you think it is out of your comfort zone. Maybe it seems too difficult. Or maybe, it is just inconvenient. Reminding yourself that ‘You Can’ try something new will help you to move past these roadblocks and discover new things about yourself and possible new interests.
3. Reach for the Stars: No matter how old you are, setting new goals and continually dreaming makes life more interesting and rewarding. Whether it is professionally or personally, find new ways to stretch yourself, to learn and to grow. Pushing yourself to be the best you can be will give you a sense of accomplishment. Further, you’ll never feel bored.
4. Speak Up: Often, we can become complacent in our lives, going through a routine and not addressing things that bother us or make us unhappy. You have a voice. Use that voice ‘because you can’. Communicating to loved ones, co-workers and even your boss as to how you feel, what your needs and expectations are and what you are thinking can help you develop deeper, more meaningful and rewarding relationships. Further, you will be truer to yourself, inevitably making you a happier individual.
5. Go the Extra Mile: No, you don’t have to be a marathon runner to incorporate this slogan into your exercise routine. But, when you are at the end of your thirty minute aerobic workout, try going an extra ten minutes ‘Because you can.’ You’ll empower yourself to push beyond the ‘status quo.’ Additionally, you will strengthen your heart and burn off the cheesecake from the night before.
6. Increase Your Willpower: Saying ‘No’ to our favorite indulgences can be challenging. However, developing a strong willpower, whether it is in response to our favorite chocolate cake or to over-shopping and spending past our means is something that we can all benefit from. Next time you are tempted to do something you think you might regret, try reminding yourself that you ‘can’ say no. YOU have the power.

The human spirit can be very fragile, but incorporating positive thinking, such as ‘Because I can,’  while, eliminating ‘because I can’t’ from your thought processes, can be very powerful.

Do you have any techniques that motivate you to step out of your comfort zone and move beyond the status quo? What inspires you?

Related Topics:

• Don’t be a New Year’s Resolution Dropout
• Is Willpower Biased?
• Are You Old: How to Tell
• Are You Living the Life You Imagined?
  

It doesn’t matter if the day was great or if it was difficult. It doesn’t matter if I wore business casual or if I was required to wear a suit. Whatever the day, whatever the attire, taking off the ‘stiff’ clothes and putting on something that is more relaxed is one of the best feelings of the day. That said, there are many things we can do home to take ‘a load off’. Here are some ideas:

1. Take a Bath: Taking a bath can provide a lot of healthful benefits, in addition to relaxation. To maximize the experience, play some soft music and light some candles to set the mood. Use moisturizing bath oil to ensure that your skin stays soft and doesn’t dry out.
2. Order-In: Cooking after a hard day at work might be the last thing you feel like doing. Treat yourself every so often to delivery or take out.
3. Make it an Early Night: Sleep is an important part of our day. If we don’t get enough, it can wreak havoc on our systems and our energy levels. Once a week, try to get into bed by 9pm for an extra good night’s.
4. Tea Time: Drink a cup of herbal tea that contains lavender and other ‘relaxing’ herbs. A good one to try is Yogi’s Bedtime tea.
5. Play with Fido: Take some time and play with a furry loved one. Whether dog, cat or even hamster, spending some quality time with a pet can lower your blood pressure and soothe your soul.

What do you do to relax after a day at work? Do you do any of the things mentioned?

Related Topics:

• The Benefits of Tea
• The Power of a Bath
• Green Tea and Weight Management
• Everything You Need to Know about Sleep

Surprise! You Suck

The reason so many performance discussions go down the tubes is because the appraisee is unpleasantly surprised by the feedback they receive. Don’t think I haven’t been there – my first instinct was to rip the leg off of the chair next to me, use it like a samurai sword and, eh hem, it was a long time ago and I’ve grown since then. Bottom line: it’s hard not to be surprised by negative feedback in such a formal setting, particularly when it’s written down! It’s relatively easy though, to make sure this doesn’t happen. Great managers provide feedback regularly and great employees ask for it. Don’t get all defensive on me now! Providing and receiving feedback is hard – if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this. If you don’t have a super star boss who’s telling you regularly what you’re doing well and where you could improve, don’t assume that everything’s peachy. It may be tough but you’re better off hearing about your areas of development earlier in the year while you still have time to makes changes than waiting to be sand bagged at the end of the year when you have no recourse.

How much do you care?

The reason you should ask yourself this question is that it can help you gain perspective and allow you to frame the performance conversation appropriately. The answer is probably influenced by a couple of factors: your desire to stay with this job/company and whether or not you trust your boss. If both of these factors are favorable, you most likely, really do care about your appraisal and want to grow and develop in your position. If one or both of these factors in unfavorable, you need to be a little more attentive to how you take in the information you hear so you don’t send yourself into a frenzy by either beating yourself up or fantasizing about torturing your boss with post-it note paper cuts. Depending on how bad things are, you might take the feedback you receive with a grain of salt. The point is, make sure you’re walking into your performance discussion with the right mind-set knowing what you want to get out of it.

Listen…Breathe…Listen

Even if you think your boss is a quack, you may find that there’s at least some truth to their feedback – both positive and constructive. As corny as this sounds: feedback is a gift. It helps us understand ourselves better and how others perceive us. Use this opportunity to listen to what they have to say. And if you have a good relationship with your boss you’ve got an even better reason to take in what they have to say. Of course you may disagree and you should speak up when you do, but take a deep breath and try not to take things personally. This is an opportunity for you and your manager to understand each other better so you might want to try asking questions rather than jumping to your retort. For example, you might ask if they can provide an example or elaborate on their feedback to learn how they arrived at their conclusion before you launch into an objection.

Also, don’t forget to listen to what you did well. It’s natural for us to want to leap to our weaknesses either in defense or with the desire for self-improvement. It’s just as important to reflect on your strengths – these are the things you need to continue to leverage to be successful.

My guess is that anytime you’re thrown into a room and made to listen to feedback about yourself, particularly when a raise is dangling before you – you’re going to be nervous. The good news is that you can control whether or not that feedback is a surprise, how you take this information in and the way you respond to it. That said…best of luck and may all of your performance appraisals be painless.

How you respond to crises has a lot to do with the lens through which you habitually perceive the world. If you tend to see the world through a ‘gloom and doom’ lens, you may be reacting to current events with feelings of fear, anxiety, or a sense of despair or powerlessness. And even if you tend to view things through the lens of optimism, you may be reacting to the constant barrage of negative media messages with milder feelings of concern and insecurity.

Wherever you may be on this continuum of perception and reaction, deliberately shifting your focus to unearth and explore the opportunities inherent in these challenges can help you move from a state of insecurity, powerlessness, or fear into a state of empowerment, inspiration, and action.

Below are some steps you can take to help you make this shift:

1. First, notice how often you expose yourself to the negative messages of the news media. Try to keep your exposure to a minimum, enough to keep yourself informed, but not so much that it’s feeding your fear over and over again. Listening to less sensational news media such as NPR can also be helpful.
2. Next, make a list of the ways the current crises are impacting you or your life. For example, “I’m worried I’m going to lose my job”, “I have less money to go out to eat”, “Sales are down and business is slow”, “I’ve lost 30% of my retirement savings”.
3. Now write down the opportunities inherent in each challenge. Using the examples listed above, your opportunities might include some of these:
   • Challenge: I’m worried I’m going to lose my job.
   • Opportunity: Get my resume updated and start networking to find that more rewarding and fulfilling job I’ve been thinking about pursuing for the last two years.
   • Challenge: I have less money to go out to eat.
   • Opportunity: Download some new recipes from the internet to expand my cooking skills and start having intimate dinners at home with family and friends.
   • Challenge: Sales are down and business is slow.
   • Opportunity: Use this slow time to get my office organized, update my marketing materials, and reconnect with past customers I’ve had no time call.
   • Challenge: I’ve lost 30% of my retirement savings.
   • Opportunity: Explore the possibility of turning my business into a franchise to build greater wealth.
4. Lastly, recognize that there are some challenges that are simply beyond your control. For those that are – for example, the decreased value of a home you may own – instead of expending energy worrying and complaining about it, turn your attention to those challenges with opportunities you can act upon.

2008 Lauren Mackler all rights reserved

On November 20th, the Canadian Supreme Court ruled that obese people have the right to two seats for the price of one on flights within Canada.  Apparently, an appeal made by Air Canada, Air Canada Jazz and WestJet was declined and as a result, the one-person-one-fare-two seat policy will go into effect January 2009.  The policy “stipulates that people who are too large to fit in one chair should be given two seats, so as to avoid unpleasant situations during the flight.”

As a frequent air traveler, I have witnessed extremely obese people overflowing into the seats next to them, and to be perfectly honest, I am amazed that those passengers don’t get charged for two seats.  The passengers sitting in the adjacent seats, have barely a half of a seat to call their own…and they surely can not be comfortable.  Unfortunately, they have absolutely no control over the situation.  It is pure luck of the draw: Seats are assigned, and if the flight is full they can’t move, leaving them stuck in a very uncomfortable seat for several hours.  However, they paid the same amount of money as the encroaching obese passenger next to them.

Ironically, the Canadian Court ‘agreed that this was a very delicate situation that could not be resolved without hurting either the feelings of people with extra pounds, or the benefits of the airlines.’  Forgive me, but the truth is that if every business had to worry about the feelings of consumers, there is a good chance a lot of companies would be out of business.  When we think of the actual ‘costs’ for airlines, extremely obese people (I’m not speaking about overweight individuals, I’m speaking of individuals who have several extra hundreds of pounds on them) directly impact Airlines’ bottom lines: extra weight means extra fuel.  Guess who will inevitably be making up the extra cost on this one?  You guessed it…the average weighted passengers.

This ruling really has me confused.  In a day when we are being charged for everything from the weight of our baggage to water to headphones for a B-Rated movie, how is it possible that a 450 pound individual can pay the same price for a ticket as a 150 pound individual?  The 450 pound person is 3 TIMES the weight of the 150 pound person.  Further, that 150 pound individual most likely will take up 1/3 of the space as the 450 pound person.  Call me crazy, but this just doesn’t fly (pardon the pun).

I realize that this is a very sensitive issue and probably hits a raw nerve for a lot of people, but I can’t help but put this out there.  I feel for those individuals who are extremely obese.  But the fact that they are so overweight shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem but their own.  Most obese people have a choice.  It is extremely rare that a person who is hundreds of pounds overweight has absolutely NO control over their weight, and as a result, it seems extremely unfair that average weighted individuals should have to pay for another individual’s choice.  Further, no one should have to give up their personal space for someone else’s ‘medical disability’.  Granted, airlines could afford to increase the alloted space per seat in the main cabin, but regardless, if an obese person wants to fly and is so large that they take up two seats do you think average individuals should subsidize the extra seat?  Or do you think that it is only fair that the obese person should pay for the space that they use. First Class and Business Class passengers pay for the extra space, why shouldn’t people who require two seats due to their size?

Personally, I feel that giving an additional seat to an obese person for free is enabling obese people to stay the way they are and to not take responsibility for their condition.  The more people are coddled, the more they won’t change.  Where will it end?

We are already paying higher insurance premiums because of obese people, does it make sense that we should now pay for their ‘right’ to a second seat on public transportation?  Do you think that average sized individuals should subsidize free seats for extremely obese passengers or do you think obese passengers should be required to purchase two seats?

Related Topics:

• Obesity in Children: Who’s to Blame?
• 7 Places They Should Ban Smoking
• Should Healthy People Always Set an Example?
• Should the Government Ban McDonald’s?
• Calculate your Lean Body Mass and Body Fat
• Calculate your BMI
  
• Canadian News Article: Canadian Obese People Buy Two Airplane Seats per Ticket

Feng Shui, literally translated, means ‘Wind & Water.’ So, as you can see, Water is a very important element in the field of Feng Shui. The season of Water/Winter comes a little earlier in the Chinese calendar than in the west.

Nonetheless, we are starting to see the changes around us: daylight is shorter, leaves are falling and the universe’s energy is shifting. This is the season that is darkest. When we come to the point of the season of Wood and Spring in early February, we will start to feel a sense of renewal, see more daylight and sense a season of growth.

Water is connected to many things in Feng Shui: colors, shapes, seasons, time of day, directions in space, parts of the body and so much more. Water flows freely, moves along the path of least resistance and finds its way to the ocean where it comes and goes with the ebb and flow of the tides. Further, Water cleanses, refreshes and restores all life.

If you were born in the season of Water, approximately November 7th to February 4th, you may have a deep emotional aspect to your personality and although you may be outgoing you may keep certain things about your inner self concealed to the outside world. Unlike the counter element of people born under the season of Fire, who may be gregarious, outgoing, and need to surround themselves with people all the time, those born under the season of Water tend to be more secretive and enjoy solitude and privacy. The positive qualities of a person born under the season of Water are intelligence, wisdom, reflection, willpower and ambition. The negative qualities are coldness & fear. Be careful of these aspects when you are in a state of imbalance.

The colors associated with the element of Water are navy and/or black. It is best to not use these colors in areas of space where Water is predominant, such as the bathroom. Using colors associated with elements of Wood, such as greens and light blues is better, as it gives the already existing Water element in those areas of space ’something to do.’

Water is connected to the undulating shape – much like a figure eight or infinity sign, or even like a body of water in nature, such as a pond. In Feng Shui, Water is a strong aspect of Chinese medicine & preventative care. During the stressful holiday season, be especially watchful for imbalances in your body, and take care of yourself by remembering that health comes first.

In the midst of the Water season, it is a great time to stop, slow down and reflect on the past year and make corrections for the New Year coming. Individually, and as a nation, this is something we should all consider for the betterment of ourselves and our planet. Take these next few months to take positive steps forward, both personally and in the arrangement of space at home or in the office.

Here are four easy steps to do so:

1. Clean out the clutter: Figuratively and literally, make room for the new. Go through your drawers and closets and if something doesn’t fit or if you didn’t wear something this past season, give it away to charity. For every new piece of clothing or item you bring into your home, get rid of an old one. Out with the old and in with the new!
2. Get Rid of Negative Energy: Look around your home/office and make sure you are not holding onto objects that bring negative energy into your space. These may include: old pictures of past relationships, reminders of a marriage that didn’t work, files from deals that went south, etc. Remove these objects from your space. Everything holds vibrations and energy. As a result, it is important to let go of those things that bring negative energy into your home or space.
3. Find Your Ying to Your Yang: Decide what you want to surround yourself with, including people, in your space and environment. Take your lifestyle into consideration. If you are always on the go and live a hectic lifestyle, make sure you create a peaceful & yin (calm) home. If you are shy and introverted, create a stimulating and thriving environment with big, bold statement pieces, and bright and invigorating colors.
4. Allow for Change: Remember that all things change and nothing remains the same. Not in life. Not in Feng Shui. Everything must change. This means your goals in life, your space, your children, etc. If we want new things to come into our lives, we must let go of the old to create room for the new.

Have a wonderful holiday season and a happy and balanced New Year.

Fitness:
o This week, get back to your fitness plan and aim at doing an extra day or two of exercise (If you normally exercise 3 days a week, try to get 5 days in).
o On those days that you choose to do aerobic exercise, increase your duration for an extra 10 minutes to help burn off some of those extra calories.
o Aim for higher intensity aerobic activities so that you burn more calories per hour.

Nutrition:
o Drink extra water (10 – 12 glasses a day). This will help flush the toxins (sugars, alcohols and food chemicals) out of your system, making your system more efficient.
o Focus on whole foods. Eliminate sugars, fried foods and overly processed breads and other foods. Eat lots of veggies, fruits, whole grains and lean proteins.
o Small meals throughout the day. There’s a good chance that your stomach expanded a little over this Thanksgiving weekend, potentially making it think it needs more food to feel satisfied. Try to eat 5 or 6 smaller meals throughout the day, keeping you satiated, but helping your stomach adjust back to its normal size.

Mind:
o Self time. Take a night or two this week to get back to normal, decompress and enjoy alone time.
o One night take a bath and get to bed early. Whether caused by hours of cooking, driving, shopping or family stress, a bath will help alleviate the stress of the holiday weekend.

by Brett Blumenthal

I don’t watch much reality TV.  That said, I am absolutely addicted to Dancing with the Stars (DWTS).  In my mind, DWTS is not really a Reality TV show as much as it is a talent show. And what makes it really interesting is that it is a talent show with contestants who have talents in areas other than dancing.  We have seen a wide array of stars, everything from Olympic athletes (Season 4 winner Apolo Anton Ohno and Season 6 winner Kristi Yamaguchi) to race car drivers (Season 5 winner Hélio Castroneves) to NFL football players to actors and actresses.  Some stars seem to possess hidden natural talent for dancing that quickly bubbles up to the surface, while others seem to struggle a bit more in finding theirs’.

Throughout the season, we see the more vulnerable, more personal side of the contestants, and by the end of the season it is hard not to sympathize with their wins and losses, their struggles, their injuries, and the friendships they develop with their partners.  The professionals who are the contestants’ partners are unbelievably talented.  Professionals like Julianne Hough are absolutely awe inspiring.  One of the youngest dancers on the show, Julianne makes dancing the Cha Cha look more natural than walking your dog.  And when it comes to the Judges, Len Goodman, Carrie Ann Inaba and Bruno Tonioli are humorous, spicy and full of witty moments, keeping even the judging entertaining.  DWTS is truly a fun and entertaining show, with little to no drama, and lots of smiles.

So given all of this, is it really surprising that I secretly wish that I could be a contestant on DWTS?  Probably not.  As I watched Brooke Burke and Derek Hough win the trophy this past week, it dawned on me that this wish is completely legitimate: The dancing is amazing, the costumes are sexy, the music is beautiful, the athleticism is incredible, you name it.  Every time I watch the show, I become completely enthralled and mesmerized.  Moreover, if I ever had the chance to be a contestant, I can’t help but wonder whether I would actually be transformed into Ginger Rogers with Mark Balias or Tony Dovolani at the helm.  Who wouldn’t?

Now, I understand I’m not technically a ‘Star’.  However, I may have a qualifying ‘moment’.  At the ripe age of 6 years, I performed at the world renowned Carnegie Hall.  And I’m proud to say, that as a ‘Tiger in a Tutu’, I gave a performance worthy of a standing ovation.  I spent most of my time on stage, much like a dog, chasing my ever elusive tail.  When I had finally found it, I grabbed a hold of it, stared it down for a few seconds and quietly scolded it as if to let it know who was boss.  For the rest of the performance, I clenched that tail as determined as ever to not let it go.  Needless to say, a standing ovation ensued.  I don’t know that I had the where with all to understand that the audience’s enthusiasm was due more to my tail than to my true talent, but nonetheless, I still enjoyed the moment of stardom.  What’s important, however, is that this story illustrates great potential in a contestant: determination, personality and comfort with costume malfunctions.  What else would I need?

‘Tiger in a tutu’ moment aside, I do believe I have talent and that deep down I am a star.  I mean, honestly, don’t we all?  (Ahh yes, I’m having flashbacks of Molly Shannon in ‘Superstar’ at this very moment.)  So, to the producers of Dancing with the Stars, if you ever need a ‘rising’ star, by all means, I’m up for the challenge and would be happy to ’step in’ any time.  Tail and all…

Related Topics:

• Living the Live you Imagined
• Music and its Impact
• Living a Childhood Dream
• Organizing Your Life to Reach Your Goals
• The Art of Living in the Moment

by Brett Blumenthal

Most years, I come up with my New Year’s resolutions on…well…New Year’s Eve.  This year, I’ve changed my ways and am getting a jump start!  No more last minute ideas!  I have lots o’ planning to do!

Generally, my New Year’s resolutions run the gamut of addressing various aspects of my life:  health, career,  self-improvement,  relationships, community and the environment.  Some have been easier to follow through on and others, not as much.

Starting the planning process, however, right after Thanksgiving, seems like a great way to ensure that your resolution is a solid one.  One with purpose.  One with realistic goals attached.  And most importantly, one that has a ‘roadmap’ to make it happen!

One of my health resolutions for the New Year is to start getting out of my workout rut of doing pure cardio and pure strength training.  I want to add some flexibility, and a little spice and variety to my exercise routines, mixing in some yoga and/or pilates.  This will require a little planning: 1) I’ll need to find a good, reputable yoga or pilates studio and 2) I’ll need to dedicate one to two days a week to going to classes.  With a little work in November and December, I may even resolve my resolution by the 1st of January!

With this philosophy in mind, I thought it would be great to get the Sheer Balance community together on trying this ‘never too early for a New Year’s Resolution’ idea.  And to help make it easy, I’ll create a universal roadmap, where every couple of weeks, I’ll blog on ’to-dos’ to help those of you who are interested in making some healthy changes for the upcoming year.  I’d love nothing more than for the Sheer Balance community to work together to be healthier!

So, to get this resolution party started…what are YOUR New Year’s resolutions around health?  Have you come up with any yet?  Share with us!

Related Topics:

• Sheer Balance Fitness Guide
• Sheer Balance Nutrition Guide

The other day, a friend of mine told me about a recent visit to an acupuncturist.  He felt that the experience was completely life changing: the excruciating back pain he had been experiencing, somehow vanished for a full three days.  He became a true believer and was in the midst of seriously considering making an investment in regular treatments every week to effectively ‘heal and treat’ his back (acupuncture usually isn’t a one time treatment…it can often take several treatments to really make a permanent or long-term difference).

When I asked him what the treatment was like, he described the experience: the look and dimensions of the needles, the inability to itch or move, the sensations from the treatment, etc.  He also conveyed the acupuncturist’s ‘post-op’ dos and don’ts, which surprisingly included no sex.  More specifically, no sex for 3 days.  Ouch.  This was painful in a new and disturbing way.  Was ‘no sex’ for three days every week really worth treating his back pain?  Hmm, he wasn’t so sure, and neither was his girlfriend.

Whether or not you buy into the idea of strictly refraining from sex for three whole days after acupuncture, there are some guidelines worth following after a spa treatment, be it acupuncture, or something more conventional, such as massage.:

1. Rehydrate: During spa treatments, you often lose some water, release toxins and drain lymph nodes.  In order to ‘flush’ away those toxins and replace lost water, drink a lot of fluids, namely H2O, for 24 hours post-treatment.
2. Avoid Rigorous Activity: After a spa treatment, you are oven very relaxed.  In order to adjust out of your deep relaxation and to avoid tensing up, stay relaxed and avoid overly strenuous, rigorous or exciting activities (this may be where the ‘no-sex’ rule fits in).  That said, you probably can partake after 12 – 24 hours.
3. Avoid Alcohol: As mentioned above, many treatments will release toxins into your system and cause you to lose some water.  Avoid drinking alcohol for 24 hours to avoid further dehydration and intensified toxicity in your system.
4. Eat Lightly: Eat a light meal or snack after your treatment to replenish.  That said, avoid eating too much, as it may cause you to feel nauseous or sick.
5. Resist the Shower: Although it might sound a little unhygienic, showering or washing your face immediately after a treatment isn’t recommended.  In the case of acupuncture, waiting to shower 24 hours will help eliminate possible infection (remember, you just had needles stuck into your skin).  If you had any other treatments that used essential oils, creams and/or botanicals, this will allow your skin to benefit and soak up the minerals and anti-oxidants longer.

No matter what, it is best to check with your therapist to know what is the best post treatment protocol for your specific treatment.

Have you ever heard of any other wacky ‘dos or don’ts’ for after your favorite spa treatment?

Related Topics:

• What to Expect at the Spa
• Types of Spa Treatments
• Everything you Want to Know about Spas
• Tips for a Spa Visit
• 5 Reasons to Never Return to a Spa

This morning, as my husband Dave and I were driving to work, we heard a radio commercial for an internet company that promised consumers, none other, than an affair.  No…honestly.  Ashleymadison.com is a website that is much like ‘Match.com’ or ‘eHarmony.com’, except for married people.  The title of this blog: ‘Life is Short. Have an Affair.’, is their trademarked slogan.  Just one of many. Here are a couple of more:”100% Affair Guarantee,” “An Affair to Remember,” and my favorite, “catering to men and women who are currently in relationships but are looking for more.”

WHHHAAATTTT????  Seriously?  What the heck has this world come to?  We are now publicizing affairs as a business; as ‘okay.’  This ‘business’ claims that they have over 2 million members.  I have an extremely hard time believing this statistic, but who knows?  Maybe there really are over 2 million people who actually want to pay for an affair and formalize the search process through an online dating service!

Look, by no means am I judging people who have an affair (or am I?), but it seems to be the lowest possible thing you can do: actively search out an affair.  Affairs happen.  I’m not in support of them.  I think they are wrong.  I think that they are awful to the person who is being cheated on.  I think it is a horrendous show of disrespect to a spouse.  BUT, if one were ever to have an affair, you would HOPE it was an accident.  Something not planned.  Something that just grew out of time and unhappiness; and NOT because you were actively seeking out a relationship with another person while you were married.

If you actually want to sign up for a service that sells and guarantees you ‘an affair,’ don’t you think that you KNOW something is wrong in your relationship?  Don’t you think you should want to make a change with your marriage?  Maybe you might even want to consider a divorce?  G_d.  How absolutely sickening.

Anyone?  Does ANYONE have an opinion on this one?

Related Topics:

• Mind/Body Health
• Life Changes and their Effect on Your Health
• Thank God I Wasn’t THAT Person
• Living the Life you Imagined

Define what you want (Goals)

Think about what your long-term goals are. These could include anything. For instance, you might want to:

• Increase your physical energy
• Have more time for yourself
• Spend more time with family
• Advance your education
• Pursue an avocation or hobby
• Make a career change

Step 1: Commit to yourself (Commitment)

1. Write yourself a contract.
2. Enhance confidence by speaking positively about your commitment.
3. Break your goal down into incremental levels of success.
4. Visualize your success by imagining you have already achieved the next level and how it feels.

Step 2: Develop a follow-through plan (Discipline)

1. It is better to devote a realistic amount of time and to be consistent than to commit more time and not follow through.
2. Set aside just 10 – 20 minutes each day/week in the beginning.
3. To create time, list all your responsibilities and try to reduce the list. Some ideas might include:
   • Hiring a neighbor to walk the dog.
   • Hire a house-cleaning service once a week.
   • Being flexible about non essential activities:
     • Does the car need to be washed today?
     • Can your partner help out?
     • Don’t be afraid to ask!

Step 3: Make it a reality (Practice)

1. Once you feel comfortable, try to increase the time spent to 20 – 40 minutes each day/week. Always keep it manageable.
2. Break down the goal into realistic segments (levels of success).
3. Set levels of success that can be achieved within 2 week increments.
4. Include rewards at each level of success.

by Brett Blumenthal

No, seriously…I really do.  I have an overwhelming need to take a break from life in an exotic place, where all my cares melt away…pina colada in hand…surf lapping up on the sand…sun beating down on my worn out body.  Mmmm…I can imagine it now.  This isn’t the normal ‘I need a vacation’ feeling, this is exponentially stronger and has been building up over time. 

Normally, my husband and I take a yearly one to two week vacation around our anniversary in September.  This year, however, we put off our trip until the New Year.  What’s more, I haven’t taken any time off in so long that I have almost accrued my maximum in vacation days.  Sure, this means that I can take a BOATLOAD of vacation whenever I want.  But, on the other hand, this also means that I haven’t taken any days off in a LONG time…no break…no boondoggles…NADA.

I’m sure you too have had your moments where life just seems to be a bit overwhelming.  Everything is just a bit too much.  Everything converges into this one moment in time where your days aren’t long enough and your ‘to do’ list isn’t short enough.  It gets so crazy that even the idea of a vacation is more of a hassle than a pleasure, because g_d forbid you take time off, you’ll have MORE to do when you get back!  Right now, this is me. 

Over the last month and a half, I have once again managed to not ’say no’ to two more things put on my plate.  And with those two new things, the ‘have to do it all’ mentality that I can’t seem to lose, hasn’t enabled me to eliminate, sacrifice or side-bar anything to make time for those two new things.  And as predictable as the earth’s rotation, the pressure has officially gotten to me, leaving me feeling tapped out and desperately needing a vacation.  New Year’s just can’t come soon enough.

For whatever reason, taking time off seems to be a real challenge.  Taking even a ‘mental health’ day is difficult.  We don’t want to waste precious, so hard to accrue, vacation time by using up a random day to decompress (Remember A. Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall getaway?).  As a result, vacations become this mega-kahuna-built-up expectation of a great escape from…life.

Even though some of us manage to find ways every day to release stress in small ways (E.g., exercise, a bath, yoga, deep breathing, reading a book, etc.), it isn’t always enough…is it?  For me, exercise is a huge stress releaser, but every day worries never completely leave my mind.  When I go on vacation, however, I find that all of the nagging little thoughts and relentless have-tos somehow subside and I gain a new perspective on life.  And THAT is what is so wonderful about vacations.  NEW PERSPECTIVE. 

So, my question to you is how do YOU get new perspective?  Do you have to go on a trip or on an extended vacation to do so?  Or have you found a miraculous Total Recall escape?

Related Topics:

• How to Beat Post-Summer Blues
• The Art of Living in the Moment
• Walking the Tightrope: Maintaining Work/Life Balance
• The Price of Not Saying ‘No’
• Techniques to De-Stress Your Life
• Why is it So Difficult to Relax?
• Other Mind/Body Topics

by Brett Blumenthal

Growing up, I always found something to not like about myself.  I still do.  For instance, I have always had what my mother lovingly refers to as a ‘regal’ profile.  Regal, in my mind, was always a nice way of saying big.  I’m not going to run out and chop off my nose, but it is definitely one of those things that I wish were a little less ‘regal’.  Going back to my childhood, I had extremely light blond curly hair and was extremely fair.  So much so, that my schoolmates would heartlessly call me an Albino.  Suffice it to say, there are a few emotional scars.

So often, it is easy for us to focus on what we don’t like about ourselves.  We don’t like our double chin, our extra five pounds, the color of our hair, our pimples…the list seems to go on forever.  Granted, media and bullies don’t help.  Focusing on the negative and honing in on all of our faults, not only is harmful to our self-esteem and body image, but it can cause us to become blind to our assets:  the things that are beautiful about us and should be celebrated.  In short, finding things to love about ourselves is way MORE important than finding things to criticize.

As I’ve gotten older, I have finally started to enjoy my assets.  I’ve started acknowledging them and feeling thankful for them.  For instance, I’ve never had to dye or perm my ultra blond wavy hair, saving me SO much money over the years!  And although I won’t bore you with all of my ‘assets’, I have come to appreciate my derriere and my eyes, among a few other things.  Granted, my nose hasn’t made the list, but all in all, I’m thankful for the good qualities that make up for my ‘regal’ flaw.

Taking time to focus on our good qualities takes practice.  Especially if we aren’t used to complimenting ourselves and rely on the external world’s approval.  But, with a little practice we can become much better, enjoying the qualities of our assets.  Here are a few ways to get your mind into a self-loving mindset:

1. Get out of Looking and Start Feeling: Inner beauty is far more lasting than outer beauty.  Start celebrating your inner qualities that make you beautiful (E.g., You are a loving wife and mom, you volunteer at the local shelter, you are a phenomenal cook, you have a beautiful voice, etc.).  Make a list of these and keep them as a reminder of what makes you beautiful as an individual.
2. Celebrate-You Day: Dedicate one day or evening a month to celebrating you.  Dress in something you love and do your hair the way you like it best.  Do something you love and enjoy yourself. 
3. Take Some Photographs: On your personal ‘Celebrate-You Day’, get a friend or family member to take some pictures of you.  Take lots of them so that you can be sure that you will be happy with at least one or two.  Get prints and frame the ones you like best.
4. Find your Assets and Accentuate Them: Don’t be afraid to look at yourself in the mirror.  Be honest with yourself and find the things you love…or even like.  Maybe you have great legs.  Maybe you have great arms.  Maybe you have beautiful eyes.  Stay focused on the positive and don’t allow yourself to criticize the things you would change.  Do this at least once a week and enjoy it.  It will get easier with time.
5. Take a Break from Media for a Month: Often, we compare ourselves to what we see in magazines and media.  Take a break from your favorite publications, TV Shows and movies and instead, spend your time outdoors, gardening, knitting or anything else you enjoy.  You can always TeVo your shows and hold your magazines for vacation reading! 

Enjoy your assets!  You owe it to yourself!  What parts do you love most about yourself? 

Related Topics:

• Sheer Balance Beauty Guide
• Mind/Body and Mental Health Topics
• Do you like yourself better naked or clothed?
• Are there Less Invasive Cosmetic Procedures?
• Do you Need to Educate your Child about Plastic Surgery?
• Being an Ugly Person

1. Learn their communication style and use it!
   In a perfect professional world, your manager has taken the time to understand and accommodate your communication style, but I realize that might not be the case, so here’s your chance to be the bigger communicator! Pay attention to your manager’s behaviors. Do they tend to talk through things in order to come to a decision, or do they get as much information as they can, think about it for a while and then get back to you? Do they like to have a lot of information so that they can come to their own conclusions, or do they want complex situations summed up neatly? Do they like frequent updates on progress, or are they happy to let you do your own thing? All of these are signals about their communication style. Pay attention to these as well as other cues and try adapting your style to theirs. It may seem like you’re bearing the brunt of the sacrifice here, but I guarantee you’ll be happier in the end. A little bit of attention and accommodation will reduce some high-level friction you may be experiencing, and you may even find that you understand each other better.
2. Where there’s a problem – you’ve got a solution!
   This seems like a no-brainer but it bears repeating: don’t go to your boss with a problem if you don’t at least have some recommendation on how to attack it. If you have a recommendation, great! Make that recommendation clear by explaining your rationale. If you’re not sure what the solution is, gather enough information to recommend a next step. Your boss may or may not take you up on your recommendation, but you’ve just killed two birds with one stone: first, you’re giving your boss a heads up on a problem along with a possible course of action – this helps them with their job. Second, you’ve demonstrated that you’re a proactive problem-solving super star! OK, so the super star part won’t happen right away but take this approach time after time and watch the magic happen.
3. Keep them in the loop
   We’ve already talked about communication style – this brings us to making sure the lines of communication are open. The best way to do this is to ensure that you and your manager have some regular method of checking in with one another. When everyone is working at full throttle, sufficient communication can fall to the wayside. My recommendation is to have weekly one-on-one meetings with your manager. Schedule an hour; sometimes that will be too long – others, it won’t be enough – but it creates a forum devoted to sharing information. If you propose this and your boss says no way, try a weekly (or some other regular frequency that works) update email. I learned this from a manger I used to work for – she seriously kicked my butt with work but man alive did I learn a lot from that woman! She worked on several clients and wasn’t physically working in the same place I was most of the time. So she recommended (when she recommended something, it was usually a good idea) that I send her a daily email (probably excessive if you work in the same location with your boss) that provided the following information: what I’m working on, potential issues, what I owe you and when to expect it, and what I need from you. That’s how it was organized.

   When I left that client and started working for a new manager, I tried this with them and they were pleased as punch to receive this information. They said it made their job so much easier and it gave me instant credibility. This also made my job easier because it gave me a forum to bring up issues and ask for help. So find a way to communicate regularly, make sure the method works for your boss and then stick to it. I think you’ll find that your boss, if they don’t already, will see you as someone who is on top of things and transparent about your accomplishments and where you need their support.

4. Make sure they’re the first to know
   When something goes wrong, you see something moving in the wrong direction, or you realize that you’re going to slip on a deadline, this isn’t the time to procrastinate. See above (Where there’s a problem – you’ve got a solution) and make sure your boss is the first to know. While it’s tempting to hunker down – hoping things will blow over while fretting to your colleagues – you don’t want your boss hearing about the problem from someone else. By bringing it to their attention swiftly, you’re demonstrating accountability, respect and loyalty. Although there may be repercussions for whatever happened, you’re giving your manager the information they need to help you handle the situation in a timely way. If you’re quick to reveal problems to your manager first, time after time, this will help build trust and I think we can agree that strengthening trust will help you both, in addition to making your working relationship more pleasant.

These are just a few ways to manage up. Will they wash away the remnants of a bad working relationship? No. Like I said, it’s a two way street, but doing these things might help you and your boss find common ground. You’ll be providing your manager with the information they need to make informed decisions and at the same time, you’ll be demonstrating some really terrific qualities. Finding more ways to show how competent you are can only lead to good things.