Stick to it! It’s hard but in the long run you’re better off.

Further…you really have NO idea what you WILL do until you are there.

Great breakdown of Pete’s method. I don’t know if saw, but Pete’s book has been turned into a vook — a blend of text and video. You get the best of a workout video paired with the best of a workout manual, all in one platform. More details are here: http://90second.vook.com

best, Maria

[disclaimer: I work at Vook]

It is because of the apples found in Canada that Europeans can have their one a day.

One of the few things that I have found to work and do what it claims is the Clarisonic. Admittedly, it took awhile to get me to try another gadget but I love my Sonicare toothbrush so I understood the concept. You’re totally right about 100% makeup removal. That alone makes it worth it.

Ok, for those of you who don’t know me I promise that I don’t work for Clarisonic or receive any type of commission from them. Plain and simple, I’m just a huge fan of their product, completely love it and use it almost daily (including while traveling).

My maternal family has wacky cholesterol levels and our blood is being studied at the University of Utah. My total cholesterol is 91 with my HDL at 65, my LDL is 23, and my triglycerides are 31. Doctors always do a double take when they see my blood work! My mom’s is even crazier-she has a total cholesterol of 27, which is HDL only. Her LDL doesn’t register!

This is a good idea. I have trouble with acne and I spend way too much time hating my skin and hiding my face. I have some good assets too, though. I love my naturally pale blonde hair-never spent a penny on dye. I love my super long eyelashes-no Latisse for me, even if I DO need mascara to see them since they are so pale. I have a good figure from hours at the gym.

Anyway, thanks for the reminder to focus on the good and let go of the bad. But I think your nose looks fine.

Most of the super-skinny actors and actresses lead terribly unhealthy lifestyles to get that way. I have a friend who is a cinematographer in LA, and he shakes his head at the rampant eating disorders. I’d rather be healthy and look like myself than copy someone who lives on coffee and cigarettes.

And no, I’ve never purchased anything because a celeb endorsed it. They get paid for doing it, so why would you trust them?

You are absolutely correct. No one of any size looks good in tight clothes. I’m glad that now there are some great health reasons to avoid those ridiculous looking skinny jeans!

There is nothing like having clothes that fit you well. I spent way too many years hiding in baggy clothes that made me look 5 sizes larger than I really was!

However, I’m not uncomfortable naked most of the time. I like my muscles a lot. If I’m in a bad mood though, I’m better off with clothes-otherwise I obsess over the cellulite on the backs of my thighs.

I do love the idea of super-clean skin. I’m a slave to the sonicare toothbrush that they make.

And in my gym, there are guys who plop themselves on a weight machine and talk on the phone for two hours. I don’t understand this-you clearly aren’t working out, so why are you monopolizing the incline bench press?

And while I appreciate a compliment as much as the next girl, I’m at the gym to work out, not socialize. If you have a quick compliment on my musculature, I have no problem with that-I will drop others a quick compliment as well. However, don’t stick around and hit on me while I’m doing walking lunges-they’re hell, and I’m just trying to finish my workout so that I can shower and rest. I’m sweaty and out of breath, I’m not in the mood to flirt!

regards
Shanti,

After reading your article on change, it is very inspiring. I am a registered dental hygienist in Orlando and I work for two different doctors. About four weeks ago I got laid off from one of them. I was working three days, hourly rate, $31.00, nine hour days. Now I’m just working one eight hour day with the other doctor. Today, I was sent home at 12:00, because they could not fill the schedule. My regrets, are that I was’nt working full-time for just one doctor, because I probably would still have a job. Well, it is what it is and I still have a mortgage pymt. every month of $1100.00.
I am concerned about paying my bill, but I’m hoping something positive will come out of this situation. I have been in worst situations and am very familiar with change. Sometimes it just takes reading an article like this to motivate me. Thanks for the motivation, hopefully I will find something soon, even if its not cleaning teeth all day.

Amy

Your site has a calm, understated appearance. This works well for some things, but I found the site difficult to read–I realized I was squinting! It would be much easier to read (and remember) if it had more color. The density of the colors you use could be bumped up with the gray font being almost black, the pale aqua and blue being darker, etc. I am a tech writer, I have a great computer and monitor, and I have never had trouble reading other sites.

I would not bother writing this, except that your blog is worth reading.

Anne

I Have been living alone for 14 yrs. Being alone made me more independent, trust worthy, broad minded, impartial in dealing with people&circumstances. Specially with the proffession I have.

Affirming that it is lonely, sad some of the time, but at least i hold my time to do anything without hesitation and permission from anyone.

When I am sad and feeling the solitary depression, I eat anything at any time, I take a walk, watch movie, travel, or drive around, then get home at any time.. It is so very relaxing when at home alone and quiet after a whole day of mingling with children and adult, and reflecting before going to sleep the good memories of each day. And learning to teach my self to forgive but not forget in order not to commit the same mistake I made each day… Coz the less mistake I make, the less pain, i give to my mind&soul, the less pain I have, is the more happiness&accomplishment of being alone..

Being alone is not a life to pity, but a kind of life to be admired. For if it is hard to raise and support a family, it is concurring in raising a oneself without anyone or without a family beside you.

Yes, self-awareness is essential on the road to our spiritual growth and personal developments. These 6 points (1) empathy (2) admission (3) man in the mirror (4) tolerance (5) humility (6) likeability along with your questions are a great list for folks to look over in thinking about where they fit in on the continuum of self-awareness.

Here’s to growing in self-awareness

Dr. Jennifer Howard

http://www.DrJenniferHoward.com

That said, I understand the airline’s point, that they will lose aLOT of money if they have to give away seats. I also understand how it’s embarassing for someone to have to purchase 2 tickets. But the airlines stand to lose alot more money than each individual person.

You see, people who pay for 18 inches should not have a part of those 18 inches taken away by someone else. Not by that person’s rear or by that person’s head or by that person’s elbows. If I could, I would put up walls instead of armrests between seats so everyone could be sure where the boudaries are while having someplace to lean their head and take a nap.

Children, even infants, should be charged for the use of an 18-inch seat, as well. Even babies take up space and can easily intrude into the 18 inches the passenger beside them has paid for. Everyone would be more comforable if that toddler had his own space to sit and play without dropping stuff on his neighbor.

For each person, a standard rate and standard seat. If you need more, fine: pay for it.

Also glad that you distinguished between the styles. As you stated and as Maria noted above, yoga can range from a mild and relaxing series to pretty intense aerobic/strength training.

I know of one yoga teacher who trained for a marathon using yoga exclusively – obviously the intense versions. So the right type will definitely substitute for a run in getting the cardio challenge you mentioned.

Go to a Bikram studio and hold a challenging pose for 2 minutes in a 95 degree room and I guarantee your heart rate will hit the “good substitute for a run” level- and without the repeated impact stress on joints.

Thank you greatly for giving us the truth about exercise and suggesting many ways to improve our workouts. Kindly suggest ways to help us motivate ourselves to begin and maintain an exercise routine; this is
very much the crux of the problem for millions of us who have not made
exercise a part of our daily routine.

Thank you again

On the other hand, sugar (and natural foods in general) have been in the human diet for thousands of years. So, I think I’ll stick with natural foods and opt out of the HFCS experiment.

I froze, canned and dried the extras and enjoyed them all winter. (Notice everything is in the past tense because this year I move the tomato garden and the plants did very poorly. Better luck next year!)

I wish that planes would have a heavy section

Here’s to helping America get healthy!!

Gina

I’ll say this, I think we should definitely spend money on eduction regarding healthy living. I mean, we currently spend money on abstinence-only sex-ed that don’t even work, we should do all we can to at least help people slim down a bit. If we are paying 2 billion to get “clunkers” off the road, shouldn’t we drop some dough to help the overall health of the country? Maybe there are already programs out there, but they just don’t get the publicity.

I think this is a huge problem, especially for children and something should be done about it. The rub is where personal liberty is concerned, but if you could make people self-select with obvious healthy incentives, then they still have free choice.

Seriously why not just use a glass bottle you can aquire about anywhere for much cheaper?

But anyway, as far as your main question goes, I’d like to know, but probably won’t get my ass to the lab to find out. But if it was easy, yes, I’d like to know my risks. Of course, you can look at your parents and do a bit of the same, no? My dad’s had prostate cancer, and that knowledge has affected my diet, for instance. But I’m not much of a worrier, so I’d probably take the info in stride. Maybe for some others it would be worse.

My yellow lab, Posse, is almost 10 and has been with me since she was 8 weeks. (I had two other labs then as well – Buffy and Nugget – names they arrived with and I couldn’t bear to change. Plus Posse is short for Possum, the name she was given at birth.)

Posse prefers yellow and purple tennis balls in the pool to green and red; knows the meaning of “Ten more minutes” when I want a few more minutes of book time or sleep; has a dog vocabulary of whines, woofs and growls that I can interpret with ease, and in spite of her upbringing surrounded by Auntie Labs, she hates other dogs. Go figure.

She looks young but her hips are shot, she hates to take her meds, and insists on a potty break and snack at about three o’clock in the morning. We are about to move into a new home without a dog door or a pool for the first time in her life, but I think we will both adapt.

I wish she could fit under my seat on a plane, or that it was easier to ship her via cargo when I come back east for short visits. Most airlines don’t take pets in cargo anymore, especially flights that originate or end in Phoenix during the summer.

And yes, I too have developed allergies to dogs and cats and wake up in the morning stuffy and red-eyed. But I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

Chris

And,I agree with Davida’s comment: As a watsu practitioner, I have experienced many clients who come with either a great fear or dislike of water, and hope to work through this obstacle so that they can begin to enjoy being in water. So far, all of these clients have loved their experience of watsu and it has allowed some to begin to swim or do things they might have never done.

Quite often the water fear mentioned comes from an old and perhaps forgotten trauma, something that no longer applies in reality – being dunked ‘playfully’ by someone you trusted as a child for example.

However, this cannot be accessed cognitively (mentally), it is stored in what is sometimes called ‘body memory’ and can be released through the body in a similar but now safe setting.

Similarly for fear of intimacy and inability to trust. These are some of the topics we are addressing here:

http://aquatictherapist.ning.com/xn/detail/830258:Group:9944?xg_source=activity

Seriously, go out and buy some now, and demand that more groceries carry them. Bring them to the people!

It is a review for Gnu Bars. Gnu bars are fantastic for fiber. I wrote this entry pretasting gnu bars. Also, this review looks at content like protein, which Gnu Bars are a little low in.

-Kaya Cassan

Love your site!!!! Our health is very important without it we have nothing. It is our greatest asset. We need to stay stress free, exercise, eat healthy, drink plenty of water and pray for a healthy lifestyle and well-being.

Does polish work for men? I have seen a few guys who wore it well. They had on colors that looked masculine (black and deep gray) and I thought it made their feet look well groomed and actually rather hot.

I think that if a guy is self-confident, he can pretty much get away with doing what he wants to. And with that kind of attitude, I would find him even more attractive than if he just did what he felt ’safe’ doing.

Um….that sounds like LOADS of fun and all, but guess I’ll have to be “Ok” with looking a little older then!

Medicine is absolutely not the answer. The more pills you take, the worse off your immune system becomes creating the need for more pills to counteract the unbelievable side effects of the pills you’ve already consumed. Keeping in mind that there is a natural substance somewhere on earn that can cure…not treat, but actually cure a disease or problem.

For those that have “acid reflux disease” which was made up by scientists so that they can treat another “disease” should know that all they have is heart burn. I suffer from this myself and found that it’s not that you have to my h avid in your stomach but that you don’t have enough…sunda wierd I know but it’s true. Try this on for size cause it works dr me and EVERYONE else that I know has tryed it….raw unfiltered apple cider vinegar. A tablespoon f this upon having heartburn will instantly rid you of your discomfort by adding a little bit more acid to your stomach to alleviate your “reflux”. The greatest thing about it other than the fact that it stops the burn litterally within 5 seconds of ingesting but that for a several month supply, you only needto shell out $3.50!!!!! That’s it folks. And you don’t have to take it everyday day for the rest of your life!!!! Only when you need it. Unlike “the purple pill people” that tell you to take one a day…which I did by the way for years with absolutely no success.

Like I said before, the works for me and EVERYONE else I know that has tried it. Just keep your options open when it comes to treatment for anything because natural is always better, healthier and cheeper than medicine.

Right there with you, buddy. Very similar..I think my main, only gift is to write. After years of posponement I¨ve decided to pursue it seriously. Thanks also to Iris Koch for her words.

Clearly, population problems comprise the chief thorn. The only two solutions to over-population have ever been one or both of these two: (1) Birth Control. (2) Death control.

Death control is often imposed terribly by nature, in ruthless forms such as famine–which we should remember means individual human beings, much like ourselves and those we love, dying of starvation–and diseases of various kinds and degrees of lethal cruelty.

The hideous means by which certain cruel humans have employed death control on their fellow people are too well known for me to need to scar my post with any such descriptions.

Birth control is the intelligent and humane way. We need more birth control already. Once life extension gets into full swing, it will become imperative, or else many, many otherwise unnecessary deaths will in one way or another afflict our human family, our brothers and sisters, and perhaps our own loved ones and ourselves.

A very dangerous prospect is that of extremely long-living individuals continuing to follow indefinitely that long-ago already-fulfilled injunction to “be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.” One thing that is almost certainly going to need to be done, will be to require submission to sterilization as the price for receiving the blessing of greatly extended life. Of course, people who get great life extension should be allowed to have children before being sterilized; just not every year for the next three hundred years.

Opposition to birth control is no longer consistent with a true, lucid love of life.

Just be yourself and have fun if you toot with that person you just met, so what apologize and if you do it nicely and sincerely enough they’ll not only forgive you, they might think it’s “cute”. If not who cares they may not have liked you if you didn’t pass pffffft! It’s fun and natural!

When will women stop buying into this?

I finally made it back to the gym after a while of simply sports and cardio. I’ve been healthy, but steadily putting on some pounds. The older I get, the more I think that the weight training is the big key.

As usual, a great an insightful article that’s provoking me how to fit things in better as well as prioritize.

I can not tell you how many times I have been talked down to, threatened, yelled at and even hit. Yes a customer hit me in the face once because he took my comment as rude when all I said was I am very sorry sir but we are out of that item at the moment. He punched me full out in the face in front of at least seven customers, several of which came to my aide and removed him from the store by force.

Another time, and this one is a doosey, a lady tried to come through the drive through window before we were actually open for business. I hadn’t turned the window dinger on yet so I didn’t even know she was there until she drove up to the window and in a rage began banging on the window with her shoe. I came to the window and apologized, explained to her that we were not currently open. She then began to yell at me about how she had been waiting back there for ten minutes (I had already told her the dinger thing wasn’t on) and when I told her we didn’t open for business until 7 (it was only 6:40) she flew into a rage. Evidently she expected me to fill her order before actual business hours and before we where ready to fill it, and hadn’t gotten anything ready yet ( we had only been there for 10 minutes). I said sure mam we can make that for you, but we aren’t set up yet so it might take a little longer than usual if you don’t mind waiting. She just rolled her eyes and told me that if it was going to take longer than normal dont i think i should get to making her order instead of standing around talking out my ass, that is exactly what she said. Okay, so I had to set up a register very quickly, get the regular kitchen lady to come out of the stocking freezer to make her order, altogether it couldn’t have taken fifteen minutes. The whole time we were working on the order she was honking her horn every ten seconds it seemed like. Finally I came back to the window and she asked me if I was going to take her money. Sure mam, I wasnt just making her order or anything at all, just standing around. I explained to her that I had to wait for the register system to load up, which was also true, and that it had just came up a few minutes ago. She popped off with well you should have taken my money a few minutes ago shouldn’t you. right. This continued until the woman’s food was ready and she snapped the bag from my hand and informed me that I was lucky she didn’t notify the manager. When I notified her of the fact that I was the manager she glared at me like I had just spit in her face and sped off. Good riddance lady.

I think that if more people “of privilege” worked jobs like these at least as teenagers they wouldn’t act as superior. I don’t understand why some people think its okay to talk and behave that way to people. Its not, ever, no matter what the situation, its never okay.

John G

What keeps older people alive and alert is to be implied in their family’s lives. “Parking” someone in a retirement home is simply excluding him/her from life …. beep your expiration date in this active world has passed, you are now a burden which takes too much time to care after.

Japan holds the most centenarians. The majortiy are alert, physically active and have limited health problems. Why? A much better lifestyle than Western countries and they remain with their family, they care for their grandchildren while the parents work. They are respected and often bring their wisdom and experience.

When our western culture will start respecting our elders and stop the egotisic run after the fountain of youth, maybe we will live better older days.

jen
http://www.bodaweightloss.com/blog

Have kept it all off for 2 1/2 years, even with a recent injury that kept me from exercise for a while!

After that retreat, I thought… Junior High kids can sometimes be challenging, but with love and limits, they are just wonderful little human beings, just like all of those little kids @ the elementary school.

Have been teaching them for the past three years, and have got to say, “it’s never boring!”

I thought your comment about WWJD? was right on target.
About 10 years ago, I was in the midst of a really bad workplace bully- fest. The target was on my back. I was the primary breadwinner for the family (yes, I am female!). It was really bad. I was trying to be rational and politically correct, however it did not work. The bullies colluded w/one another. We had relocated to another state for this job, my job. A wonderful, older and wiser co-worker quoted some scripture to me that enabled me to hold steady and plug on:

“Greater is He than that which is in the World”.

My coworker loaned me a gold cross which I wore under my shirts!

People can be so good. Yes, there are some angels out there, and my family is now back “home” where our roots are. (Our home state of Texas)

I have moved on to teaching and met some really “golden” teachers, too.

God Bless!

I wish I could stop craving them but, alas(!), it seems impossible!!!

HELP!

Thanks for this article, now I realized that my boyfriend is a manipulator, alwyas for himself. He forget all special occasion, he never give even one flower, but always ask me some help and I always give him gift, even gift for his relatives. And I feel, he would not change. It’s hard to leave someone that you love unconditionally. But it’s disappointing.

Thanks–Alina

I love your articles. I think you are a very wise woman. You are healthy and balanced and whomever calls you names, should be ashamed of themselves for thier bad behavior!

If Amercia was really the land of freedom of speech, then French Fries would not have been renamed Freedom Fries a few years back when then French President Chirac strongly opposed the US decision to enter war with Afghanistan. And anti-war protesters would not have been so strongly muzzled and qualified as being unpatriotic!

We have a relative who does not allow her children to speak to other relatives unless she approves of the conversation. Her children are now in their 40’s and she still tries to pull this!! I sent back a message to her -Communist countries endure this type of control of speech. Not in the USA. We can talk to whomever we choose. We do not need her flashback control. If I need to speak to one of her children I will call them directly and talk to them without her approval!!!

Thanks for the information on the site. We all enjoy Knowledge and different Perspectives. Keep up the good work.

Wow! I’m sure there are a lot of coffee drinkers out there that would benefit from reading this!

http://www.healthiertalk.com/power-positive-drinking-0354

That said, my approach is to cultivate an interest in vegetables and less so for fruit, but not to freak out or excessively monitor every little thing my 3 yo daughter eats (she is on the slim side, BTW). It’s the obsessiveness on this issue that causes eating problems and obesity more than anything. We as parents are all caught up in the notion of trophy children–the idea that if your kid is not ‘perfect’ then fix it.

And if your/my kid ends up overweight? SO WHAT! What about focusing on health overall and downplaying appearance? People come in all shapes and sizes, and as long as my child is healthy and happy, I could care less how much she weighs. The worst outcome would be for her to develop an obsession over food and appearance, or worse: an eating disorder.

You have a right to face your accusers. Anything short of that is harassment.

I was once in a situation like yours. I worked for the government, and there was only a 1% causasion component working there. The greater racial component pulled something like that against me, in order TO RUN ME OUT, in order to eliminate that 1% component.

Statements made to me made me realize that.

I possess 3 university degrees; the average worker there possessed a high school diploma. Needless to say, our personalities did not fit. Further, I discovered that violations of state and federal law were routinely committed by other employees – I will not commit any crimes in the course of my work; furthermore, I will not stay there and put myself in the position of potentially being arrested as an accessory to a crime. Therefore, I left.

You may be in this same position and not even realize it.

I resigned because I deserve better treatment than that, and also can earn more money using professional licenses, or working in the private sector where education is revered – it is not appreciated in government, since governmental entities are NOT productive.

You can try to fight the case of the bullies stalking you, but you will probably lose, since your supervisor is an idiot to even listen to the bullies’ later complaints, after she had earlier ascertained that you did not come in late, contrary to the bullies’ earlier assertions.

I would suggest that you leave your company and move UP into a position where you will be surrounded by people as honorable as you. I believe that right now, you are under-employed for your abilities, since emotional stability usually accompanies a higher intellect: realize you are currently in a work position where you are surrounded by emotionally unstable people, and you just don’t FIT IN.

First: I am not “nice.” I act like a law enforcement officer in my demeanor: speak in monotone and say only what is pertient to my work as it relates to the bully – if there is no link, I make that clear, turn and walk away.

Second: I reveal no personal information about myself – I say that I am busy on a project.

Third: If the bully tries to provoke me, I look at them grimly and silently walk away.

As a result, I have had many people ask me if I am a Vice President or FBI, although I am not. I get PROMOTED.

I am a woman, but act like a “man” would – that is the secret.

I do not go to work to make friends, but to earn money. Period.

The bullies find me boring, and look for another target.

If a bully impeded my work, I go up the chain of command and report the bully; when I submit the complaint, I also provide evidence of the damage the bully has created by their behavior.

I do this in my personal life as well. I went shopping for electronics, and the salesman slghtly helped me, then ignored my order. I submitted a complaint to the HQ of the company, including a copy of the receipts from another store I went to later, to get better service. The receipts totalled $3,000. At that point, HQ saw that inappropriate sales performance by the bully cost the company $3,000. He was probably fired.

Continued success -

And the commute ROCKS!

Energy drinks as a substitute are a bad idea as well. Take a look at this article on Red Bull. http://twurl.nl/3lp0rz

Feed your body well, exercise regularly, and get enough rest and you won’t NEED caffeine.

I have tried to quit, do cleanses, cut down, and inevitably the sugar and caffeine creep back up to unhealthy levels, causing god knows what symptoms!

Help! Does anyone out there want to join a sugar and caffeine addict/but want to be healthier support group with me? I am planning to do a cleanse in June for the whole month on my own, but some support would help a lot.

Diana

I believe the root causes of the inability to say no to others lies in self-esteem issues (the lack of), and issues with inability in creating boundaries in one’s life. I feel that this is something that is learned at a very young age, either from examples set by parenting styles and/or directly being taught to a child and how to manage life issues that extend into the adult years.

Most of the time, I’ve only had problems saying no to others in the workplace. I think I felt this way mostly out of fear, and a lack of experience in the working world, and also never being taught how to be assertive and standing up for myself in a non-angry or defensive manner. This took a toll on my work history throughout my younger years, and as a result lead to some very serious problems maintaining a working lifestyle as I aged. I did learn a bit about being more assertive in the process over those years, but it seemed to become more and more stressful for me to manage on any job I had as time passed. As a result, I had what would be called in layperon’s terms, a nervous breakdown at age 37, and became emotionally drained and barely able to function or continue on with life. It lead to severe problems with depression and anxiety that I still am combating to this day.

Now, I’m not saying that every person who overextends will have this same outcome in their life, but if you’re predispositioned in any way to mental health issues, this behavior can contribute in very negative ways and can have detrimental effects on future interactions and relationships.

However, I haven’t had many problems saying no to people in my personal interactions in life. With family and friends, I will be there to help in emergency situations, but if I feel that it’s something a person can do on their own and they’re just being lazy or pushing the envelope, I have no problem making pat excuses or simply saying, “Let me check on that…” and then leaving the ball in their court. Usually, if it’s not an emergency, people like that will give up, and as other’s have said, move on to someone who is availble to help them (or enough of a sucker, imo).

I mostly see the problem of saying no to family and friends occurring with men I’ve been in relationships with. At least 2 of them have had problems with this, and in my observation, have often been used by others as a result, and end up be treated like doormats. I myself am much more cautious about the freeloaders and users in the world, and am much more cynical about people than it seems the men I’ve been with are.

Oddly enough, these men I’ve known have no problem saying NO to me when I need help, so I therefore have gotten very used to being as autonomous as I possibly can be, and rarely ask others for help. Why someone would say yes to casual friends or strangers, but no to their own partner has illustrated to me that the incapcity to say no to others is often a deep seated need for acceptance and to boost a low self esteem by feeling needed by anonymous aquaintances.

One good example of this I can think of, is several years back receiving a phone call from my husband’s step brother, whom I’d never even met, and someone who hadn’t contacted my husband for several years. He called asking to borrow 1500$ from us. After a long conversation, my husband hung up the phone, and actually turned to me asking if we should “loan” him the money. I was appalled and my mouth dropped as I said, “Are you kidding me?? Who is this person calling? I don’t know him and I don’t care if he’s your step brother, that is an unreasonable request.” In fact, I acutally laughed at my husband internally for even considering “loaning” him the money (which in my book, would have acutally been throwing 1500 bucks down the drain).

What puzzles me is the fact that my husband can’t see the folly in this type of request, yet when I make a simple “please take out the garbage” request it’s like pulling teeth from him to get it done.

I hope this helps the people who have problems saying no, to realise how this type of behavior can escalate into sometimes serious life issues and problems, and can hurt those who are sincerely close to you and may need help, but get overlooked.

I too used to be a do-it-aller, and got so stressed out that I became cranky all the time, and yes got sick. I knew my issues were related to my inability to say no, but did not know how to stop. Then someone challenged me to change my knee jerk response of “sure I can do that” to “Let me check my calendar and I will get back to you”. I found that once I allowed myself time to think about the request made of me, I was able to ask myself “do I really want to do this?”, “do I really need to be doing this for this person?” (should the person asking for help be doing this for themselves?). In the case of work, asking your boss to prioritize your to do list is a professional and responsible way of saying “lets check what I have on my plate now”. Once I got just a little bit used to doing this something very interesting began to happen. Those people that I was feeling a little used by, fell away, because all they really wanted was for me to do things for them. When it came to a relationship based on us taking care of ourselves, they weren’t interested, and so they moved on and found someone else “who could better serve them” (yes someone actually said that to me). This same thing is true of families the do-it-aller is not just in the work place. The “can you help mer’s” were forced to do it for themselves. And yes a lot of the time they really made a mess of things. But guess what, the next time they had to do for themselves they did better. They began to grow as independent person. Families who turn to one person for advise, to help out, or to fix something, are taking advantage of that person and robbing them of their own full and authentic life. Those who are not willing to make their own choices and mistakes, and learn their own life lessons are half of the equations, having the strength to say now and let them grow is the other half.

In my case I let go of being a do-it-aller and found a better life that included better and deeper relationships with my family and real friends, that included real quality time filled with laughter, and joy, stress and guilt free. Can you imagine???

When I found myself in a relationship with a ….. yep, a do-it-aller. The relationship did not work, and ended because there was never any time for us that did not include “just doing this one thing for that other person”, or taking a phone call from a family member who was used to 24/7 access to the “fixer”. Our Valentines day dinner was interrupted by a family member who wanted to talk, at length, about a security system because she had begun feeling less secure in her home. Really???? She had to make the call on an evening she knew we were at dinner trying disparately to have some “quality time together”. Now the fact that my then partner took the call is only an indicator of how deeply seeded the problem was. And after several similar situations, I had to admit there was a serious problem and drew a line. Unfortunately the behavior did not change and the relationship ended. Had it not been for this one issue the relationship would have been the one. Sad!

So to those of you who can’t seem to say no, stop for a minute and look at what you are doing to the people who REALLY need you. Your immediate family. Wife, husband, partners, and children. Let me be the one to tell you that if you don’t stop and focus on yourself and your immediate, family you WILL loose them. Maybe not because they leave you, but relationships will be for ever damaged. If your significant other, and or children are last on your list, because you have filled all of your time exploring new things, or helping others, you are pushing them away. You are choosing your need to do-it-all over them.

Change can only happen when you want to change. Choosing not to change is a choice too! Get professional help if you have to. What ever you do, slow down, and focus on yourself and loved ones, all the rest is filler, and in the scheme of things irrelevant.

Live, Laugh, and Love

Nice article but please, no more factoids!

Laura Allison, LPN

I have actually begun to say no in more areas that I used to always say yes and ever so giving. My yeses to people that were and are close to me was never out of my weaknesses, that I remember when I use to always ask then for favors, etc., they said yes to me more than the no’s, that now since I have became stronger and more independent of always asking them for favors, I have seen a change in their attitudes, especially an ex-boy friend who keeps popping in and out of my life whenever he feels like it and coming to my place always empty-handed looking for what he can get out of me, that he has no good intentions of wanting anything more out of me other than a roll between the sheets, playing me for a fool, that just the other evening he caled me up asking me to borrow some money for gas and cigaretts until he gets paid the following week, that I knew he was only attempting to use me and spending no time with me, while he’s been keeping other company at his place in another Town.He must have thought I was going to continue to be his dam fool, that he could not handle when I repeatedly was asking him questions about what was going on, on his end since I had not been hearing from him and now asking me to borrow some money, that he then wanted to come over my place and get busy, that I knew his motives why, and I told him no, not to come over because of his unresolved issues that I could not resolve for him. He then hung the phone up on me. This guy has got 2 long time 2 jobs. Then he needs to better manage his money for his gas in his car and take care of his own smoking habits.

So many people abuse their own bodies by over eating, eating junk, drinking and doing drugs.. Not to mention that our food supply is highly contaminated with false advertising selling us things we don’t want and don’t even know we don’t want.. I can go on forever!
I do feel that people think there will be some magic pill to save them after they’ve indulged to the point of no return but sadly there wont be.

For example a few of my clients are diabetics and the they use prescriptions usually help one problem but create five more.. what does that mean to the patient?? More drugs.. more health issues.. lower quality of life.. More money for big pharma! crazy right?! Its sad but also true in many cases for many diseases.

Not all meds are created equal but with the science and knowledge we have today we should be living twice as long as we do now. Not comparing ourselves to people in the 1800’s

( Note on sugar- Its not sugar that is bad its the kind of sugar we have in our “American Diets”. High fructose corn syrup to name one of many highly refined sugars.. If you have a sweet tooth you can try a number of natural sweeteners that are not addictive and will satisfy your taste buds)

The most powerful tool you can have in life is knowing your own body and how to take care of it. You are a result of the choices you make so always choose the very best for yourself!

Peace & Love,
Helen Cohen- Holistic Health Counselor
http://www.HelenCohen.com

I did some research and found out that drinking coffee can interfere with your body’s ability to absorb key vitamins which can leave you feeling tired. Test it out and see for yourself! You’ll feel great after the side effects are gone.

If you still want a boost with out the crash I know some great SUPER-FOODS that can give you long lasting energy with added health benefits.

Peace & Love,
Helen Cohen- Holistic Health Counselor
http://www.HelenCohen.com

Peace & Love,
Helen Cohen- Holistic Health Counselor
http://www.HelenCohen.com

Funny that I came across this posting just as I was beginning my second cup of the day, after contemplating whether it was a good idea. I decided it was a bad idea, but then took it anyway. Perhaps I’m addicted…

Great article!

Now THAT one was insensitive brett.. get over it man. The guy showed he cares, even if he was ignorant, and you shud still feel grateful. Imagine had he said “CRY!” instead. sheesh, get over yourself kid.

None of the other co-workers have to deal with this bathroom or lunch issue of being falsly acussed. They come and go as they please and they do theire job in the best way that they see fit. However, I am also bullied when it comes to doing my job as I am told no you can’t do that I want to you can change the menial grunge tasks. If I come up with an idea I will not be given the opertunity to do as a co-worker will take my idea and use it for themselves an refuse to give me credit. I have been told that the custers give me to many gifts. I have even been questioned about how a custermer let me pick my gift and that I should bring it in so they can see it. I have even sted that it is indeed the same gift just a diffrent flavor or color.

I am finding it extremely stressful to work in this environment and I know that I am being harassed and I would like to know if there are any legal steps that I could take if this continues. I am set to have a meeting with the person that told me to my face that I’m late ten minutes everyday and the other people that have said that i leave my work space for large chunks of time have not come forward as of yet and they have remained a mystery. I was told by my boss that any complaints should first be discussed away from the customers directly to the co-worker and then it should come to her if it is not working. this way has not been practiced by these co-workers just me. I really would like for the mystery accusers to come forward I don’t know why they are hiding from me. I tell them when I’m going to the bathroom for what I am going to do in their, and still they wrongly accuse me with out ever coming forward. It is my boss who tells me about the complaints without ever naming names. Should I request that my accusers come forward and meet in her office so that I can hear their bathroom time complaints face to face?

I feel that the co-workers would be happy if I danced around until I couldn’t hold my bodily functions anymore and defecating on my self. This bathroom bulling with time is humiliating and demeaning to me.

I hope you can find a way to lighten your load.

Someone who is “distant and dismissive” does not fit into this category. These are avoidance tactics. Tom obviously has issues including unprofessionalism but he should not be labelled as a bully. By labelling him as such puts Brett into a counter-attack mode meant to put this “bully” in his place, and thus may have attacked too harshly or at the wrong issues, perhaps sub-conciously. I’ve noticed that nowhere in the article did Brett state what Tom’s view of the problems were, nor did she mention any specifics about how Tom was actually being a bully.

I do think that Brett TRIED to behave very professionally in the one-on-one confrontation, and kudos to her.

To “Seriously”: Attacking me is not the professionalism you speak so highly of. This is only my point of view against someone else’s point of view. I appreciate and agree with your assessment of Bretts actions.

My favorite tactic (and yes, being sarcastic) done to me is to CONSTANTLY bring sideways elements or topics into the argument as though they actually mattered. This gets me not only having to talk about those elements – usually only in a means to get BACK on topic, unless it’s close enough to topic that I have to address it – but derails my thought process and what I need to say to them to get the actual point across.

Eventually, interjecting enough non-topic points into the conversation, things get incredibly muddled, and they get me SO off balance and angry I start getting things wrong – which they jump ALL OVER and use to their advantage, bringing me down further and further, and derailing the conversation further and further, derailing any shred of a point I may have had. By then end of what started out as a conversation, I’m left feeling violently trampled on – and having to end the argument before I say something I’ll regret, never having made my point to them, and they happily (metaphorically – they’re ticked, but I mean this in a “satisfied” capacity) leave knowing they have “won”.

And I’m left stewing for days. Yay… Some people just don’t know how to communicate with others in a constructive way.

Generally…I avoid them and do my work. If our work is entertwined, I make sure the higher up sees my part is done and knows I can only do what I can and ask them if there is something they’d like me to do or if there is anything they can do.

When it comes to personal relationships, it’s good to know how most guys view things and vice versa-Mark Gungor has some really funny and TRUEEE insights on that lol. However much the few rude people ruin it for the world, open communication is still the best policy. When asked “What Would Jesus Do?” I say well…when it was time to speak to certain people at certain times He did, and other times, He remained silent and He stood with the world against Him just knowing Who He was and that He was doing what God asked Him to do. Good way for us all to do things and look at them, regardless what your faith is…best example has been set.