Comments on: 6 Steps to Stop Being Manipulated

By: mel

mel — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 01:48:28 +0000

I’m into this situation for the longest time, my husband wants me to yield on him always, but i oftentimes fight him over such situation.He and his family have such dominant attitude/character.I’ve been wanting to get out of this relationship, but my problem is the negative effects on my kids. Everytime i would confront him for some mistakes he committed, or other issues about us he’ll always shout at me, w/c i really don’t like, he won’t and never ever accept his mistakes..he always make nonsense justification just so to show to me, he never get wronged..I am a person who would not talk or say anything if somebody is shouting/yelling at me.

By: mario

mario — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:35:41 +0000

I don´t speak English, but I translated this articles. Very good
Thank you very much.

By: Mrs. P.

Mrs. P. — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 03:05:50 +0000

It’s nice to read others notes; I get a better perspective on my own situation with my family. They’ve stayed away from me because I wanted to be cheer them in their lives, you know, be that positive uplifting family member (and goofily quote movies we’ve seen) where everything is okay and life just happens. But I’m too happy, too energetic, too dreamy, wanting to do activities that are cheap and we could all do. Naw, Ma, Pa, Bro say no. Bro is a black hole, no matter how much communication I throw his way he does not respond. We are artists like Ma so that’s got to be where his solitariness stems from. Ma is a good superficial conversation laughter type person, fun for a bit and then we part until the next time: we don’t take our relationship seriously but acknowledge it with gusto! Pa is just so quiet, he can only handle my giddiness to a point then it’s time for me to go home. Boy am I glad I read this stuff because I can see I’ve been after my bro’s respect or a nod of acknowledgement in my direction, for over a decade. . time to slap myself or dunk the mind to “live & let die” (relationship speaking) the ones who aren’t compatible, even if we are related. Such is life. Been there done that don’t wanna go back. I know how you feel I felt the same way & this is what I found out: cry a river build a bridge & get over it. Dunk the mind! It needs refreshing. You you you can doooo it. You are you’re own best friend, and your worst clothes critic but that’s beside the point. Thank you.

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:47:02 +0000

I just finished reading the 8 Toxic personalities to avoid and saw a link to this article. Well, to start off I just came back from getting married (destination wedding) and my mouth dropped when I read the first one. My now mother in-law was about 5 out of the 8 but mostly the Manipulative Mary. She seriously tried to ruin my time before the wedding, the wedding and after! Even after all her attempts, I kept quiet and played nice. I didn’t realize what she was doing until I read the article. OMG now I know! I seriously felt drained and that I really didn’t get to fully enjoy my time there. I actually cried when I got home thinking that maybe the time went by to fast. Now I see it was her, draining the joy out of everything, being manipulative and judgmental. After reading this I’m diffidently staying away from her. I mean I thought it was me and that I was crazy, but then my parents noticed it and said something when I arrived back home. I never met anyone so toxic!

By: Brett Blumenthal

Brett Blumenthal — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:50:22 +0000

Alina, I’m sorry that you are unhappy. The best thing to do is to try to take a step back and think about your future. Are you going to be happy in this relationship in the long term? Will you always feel unhappy? Further, if you have verbalized this to your boyfriend? If so, and he still doesn’t care, that seems like a bad sign.

By: Alina

Alina — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 17:56:16 +0000

Hi, need your advice…

Thanks for this article, now I realized that my boyfriend is a manipulator, alwyas for himself. He forget all special occasion, he never give even one flower, but always ask me some help and I always give him gift, even gift for his relatives. And I feel, he would not change. It’s hard to leave someone that you love unconditionally. But it’s disappointing.

Thanks–Alina

By: Sassy

Sassy — Fri, 29 May 2009 16:12:18 +0000

I was married to a very manipulating man for over 26 years. It was very frustrating but not as frustrating as being divorced from this person and still being manipulated. I finally am taking charge of my life and saying “NO” for the first time. It is very liberating.

By: Brett Blumenthal

Brett Blumenthal — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:41:28 +0000

Marie, you are indeed in a very difficult situation. It sounds like your mother is very needy and probably doesn’t know how to get things without manipulating people. And, unfortunately, the longer an individual does this, the harder it is to get them to see what they are doing. Don’t let her guilt you into things…she made the choice to have you and as a parent, parents are SUPPOSED to take care of their children. Now that you are taking care of her, you should try to tell her that you are doing everything you can and that her lack of appreciation is hurting you. Stand up for yourself…you are the only one who can. Also, believe in yourself. Don’t let others tear you down. You deserve better than that.

By: marie

marie — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:34:41 +0000

I feel like this is what my mom is doing rght now. She keeps backtracking about what her life has been just to support me, this is how she makes me guilty. She lets me feel that I would not be in my position right now if it weren’t for her which is true. I try the bestest I can to help her family financially, physically and emotionally. It seems that my efforts are not sufficient enough. I just started working which is not easy as well and true enough, my situation is not helping with decision makings. I feel that I need approval from somebody with what I am doing. I cant help it…
I could go on. Right now, I am not even in talking terms with her. I don’t know where to start to overcome this problem. It has been a vicious cycle. We get back in terms because I ask sorry and then again she is upset about something and there goes again another story…
Your article looks promising but the starting off would be very difficult. Right now, she is complaining a lot of health problem which she does not want addressed anyway. I feel bad telling this, but I feel she is using that to manipulate me as well.
I am emotionally exhausted since my year and half stay closer to her… I can’t stay away because I know I am still responsible and they are family.

By: Mana

Mana — Wed, 27 May 2009 15:29:27 +0000

I interferred with my 23 year old daughter’s relationship with a boyfriend who was not ready to commit to her- i was so worried about her- and called him, and asked him to stop calling her and seeing her if he is not ready to commit- this hurted her feelings especially from her back- now i admit that i was extremely wrong – although she understood, where i come from and why i called him- and she also understand where he come from and why it is hard for him to commit- specially at 23 year old. she is in pain and somehow angry with me- i don’t know how to make her feel better about this- it is hurting me and her…any ideas

By: Brett Blumenthal

Brett Blumenthal — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:54:16 +0000

hardatwork. Under normal circumstances, I’d say leave. If you are not appreciated or valued at your company, you are ultimately going to be resentful and unhappy. That said, in these economic times, it isn’t necessarily the best option. You might want to start networking with other companies in your industry, so that when employers start employing again, you are top of mind. If you can focus on a longer term goal, the pain of the day to day with your current company won’t feel as strong. Good luck…

By: hardatwork

hardatwork — Tue, 26 May 2009 17:48:52 +0000

okay so what if you work for a company who condones this kind of behavior? For example, you have great ideas, many others in and out of the company have expressed that they are great ideas but because the people you work with are so self-centered that they immediately disgregard them because they themselves did not think of it. What do you do then?

By: teresa

teresa — Tue, 26 May 2009 16:12:25 +0000

I had a friend like this, she called herself my best friend. I tried everthing to make the friendship work. She tried everthing to use and abuse me. I finally just cut her loose. She tries to contact me, I just blow her off. If I tell her the truth she will find some way to hurt me or my family. Any one who stop’s being friends with her she tries her best to mess up their live’s. Good riddins.

By: David

David — Tue, 26 May 2009 13:10:00 +0000

Daniel makes a good point manipulation is a part of life.At least to some degree. If we’re all “pulling together”, for the better good of the relationship,then manipulation is actually helpful if not abused.

By: daniel

daniel — Tue, 26 May 2009 01:56:44 +0000

To this day I’ve yet to meet somebody who does not manipulate others myself included.That said we all should take steps not to manipulate others.

By: Lyndon

Lyndon — Tue, 26 May 2009 01:23:01 +0000

I was having problems telling people NO! People would not stop asking for my help and wanted it for free. I started having medical problems and they were not around for me when I needed help. I still help others but only on my terms. I come first and if I have time, I will help. I found the 12 step program very helpful years ago.

By: Belle

Belle — Mon, 25 May 2009 15:14:56 +0000

Joshua,
I truly feel for you as you feel you are not loved by your mom….We all have strengths and weaknessess and make wise and unwise decisions. Sadly, as children, we do suffer the hurts inflicted on us from our parents whether it’s psychological, abuse, drug or alcohol issues…In order for us to move on and LIVE our lives, we first have to accept and believe that we are not the cause of our parents lacks. Seek out some counseling resources to help DEAL with certain issues…Self help and discovering yourself and making your life your own is healthy for you. “Empower yourself! Waiting for others to empower you gets you nowhere!”

By: JoAna

JoAna — Sun, 24 May 2009 13:40:03 +0000

I hate to say this but I think my boyfriend is manipulating me. I moved (and my kids) from four hours away to be with him. I changed my whole life and I feel like he’s not even giving me any credit. He only pays half of the utilities and the rent (like he’s supposed to) but then when I really need help, he is reluctant and he won’t even offer. I needed to go to the doctor and I didn’t have the money – for a possibly serious health condition – and again he didn’t offer. He doesn’t help me out in any way. Quite frankly, everyday just adds a little more to that “I am really getting tired of his crap” pile. It’s always about him – I just think that his parents spoiled the crap out of him and they still do.

By: Noelle

Noelle — Sun, 24 May 2009 13:19:42 +0000

SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PEOPLE are BUSTED BECAUSE of the “people features”/ “types”listed in the article. I can not comprehend how totally “selfish” some people are in their personal interactions…….I truly believe pets behave more “sanely” than people do….
Perhaps those who are and have been substance abusers are the MOST difficult to deal with and should stick with each other….they become “callous” and expect everyone to “beat to their drummer”…………….

By: Joshua

Joshua — Sun, 24 May 2009 12:50:18 +0000

your articles realy discribes my mom. she always like me to do wat ever she wills. she never smiled @ me, & often i keep asking my self wether she is my real mother. she makes me feel inferior & always compare me wit others. how can i make her love me?

By: MysticMeg

MysticMeg — Sat, 23 May 2009 15:23:40 +0000

My mother-in-law has borrowed $433 from me personally. Her son is in bankruptcy because of her begging and begging. Now when I ask for the money back as I borrowed the money from the bank and they want the money plus interest. Her reply is “I don’t think I owe you any money”. She needed her car fixed and did not have the money for 2 broken axcels and 2 front tires. Her son did not have the money. I used my credit to pay the vehicle garage. Now she has told someone “The vehicle was not repaired!” She’s a senior toxic liar!!! She needs transportation to the doctor and grocery store. No regards to anyone but herself. Called son over one day for a 6 hour furniture moving marathon. Does not want to bathe or wash her hands. I cannot be around her. She tries to suck the life out of me!!!! She only cares for her needs and does not think of anyone else. Her relatives have told be “You deserve a better mother-in-law”. She pulled this as child, as a student and now as a senior citizen. I am unable to purchase groceries because of her-she has taken and taken until I am at a point where it is getting to me. Just what she wants – to upset my life. I have told her on numerous occassions to leave me out of her problems. She is old enough to go to other relatives with large large large bank accounts. She refuses. And now she refuses to pay back what she borrowed to pay for the repairs to her car. My friends will not talke to me about this. My relatives are shocked at her activities. She continues to deny and deny. What is the answer????

By: Lisa Burtress

Lisa Burtress — Sat, 23 May 2009 01:15:58 +0000

My former daughter in law was that way. Lies, manipulation, head-games, it never ended, one thing after another. It would have been fun to be friends with her. It took me years to catch on to it. Now, we have a new daughter-in-law, she didn’t wait to get to know us, she got rid of us at the get go. This seems to have become a “I’ll get what I want no matter what” world and a “it’s all about me” world with no consideration or love of anyone but “my four and no more”. Very sad. This world has really changed. No respect.

By: lena allen

lena allen — Fri, 22 May 2009 00:14:27 +0000

How about the one’s that manipulate, you tell them they are and they tell you that your its all in you head! I know a person like that and they will sit and tell you black is white and think it really is. Can’t argue with those kind, I just stay away.

By: Codi Kutsch

Codi Kutsch — Thu, 21 May 2009 23:27:30 +0000

yeah I got a comment!

Thanks – for writing this article – very good insights all the way around.

By: Valerie Wilmington

Valerie Wilmington — Thu, 21 May 2009 23:19:22 +0000

This article is so on point.It describes my mother to a “T”.I relocated fom Chicago to Florida over 13 years ago and this made her behavior worse and continues to this day.During my divorce hearing my mother,her mother, my ex-mother n law, and her mother appeared at the final hearing hoping that the judge would order me to return to Chicago,God was with me. Over the years she has made many attempts to make life miserable for me.She has publicly humilated me, attempted to kidnap my kids from school,and have me Baker Act. All to no avail.She sees nothing wrong with her behavior and continues to disrespect me. This woman is deeply dsturbed. I have decided not to reconcile our relationship.I just hate that my ex allows the kids to visit with her when they in Chicago for the summer.She undermines my authority when it comes to the kids. Do you think she needs psychiatric help?

By: Kelli

Kelli — Thu, 21 May 2009 21:08:26 +0000

I had been friends with another woman for about 1 1/2 yrs. I had asked her to my birthday party bbq. She never said yes or no. After my birthday, she acted like,”Oh was it your birthday?” I threw her a very nice little birthday party…food, dessert & gifts. She called 30 min before she was due at my house and cancelled. The next day she showed up and couldn’t wait to leave. It was obvious by her behavior. She was fastly becoming unreliable.Then she would call every 3-4 mons and ask when we were getting together. I told her when I was free each time and that was the end of it. Then she would repeat the same flaky behavior for the following year. I finally realized her committment issues were more than I wanted to deal with in a true, sincere and respectful friend. I ended our friendship. It didn’t bother me much as I was ready to check out before that time. Hold true to yourself.