Comments on: 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid

By: Britt

Britt — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 20:24:14 +0000

Another personality is definitely “Better than you Betty”. Everything of theirs is better than anything you could possibly have or do. Sort of a “Disrespectful Danny” with a twist. Unfortunately, these people are very insecure and oftentimes a bully too. Its all image, even at the sacrifice of others on their own team.

I really like the more positive take on the world and life and try to remember that all these personalities are really people who have issues. Remember though, these are their issues and not yours. Once you take on responsibility for others’ actions and issues like those described above, your life will become toxic. Mine was for a while. I am getting better at cutting the web that they try and wrap you up with – its a much healthier outlook. Good luck and one love to you all.

By: janie

janie — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:54:02 +0000

Thanks for this eye opener,it just really made me realize that there are such people or so called friends or even family members that can suffocate you or even kill you on what you believe in like what is Good and Happiness.Living in a different country, I’ve met a lot of manipulative marys, incensere Illisas, debbie downers, etc,and as much as possible avoided this kind of people.And lately thinking that people might think I’m weird or snob for being by myself, in actual sense being alone helps me knowing myself better. Of what can make me happy,of how to be good on others and then meeting new friends worthy than being stuck with those kind of people. I have peace and quiet within myself which is important to make me focuse to face the reality of life. thanks again.

By: Miranda

Miranda — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:46:33 +0000

I was married to a man who embodied most, if not all, of these toxic qualities. I’ve always been sunny and optimistic, yet it began to take such a toll. When I finally looked up, I no longer recognized myself. It’s embarrasing for me to admit, and I chided myself for feeling like someone else was responsible for MY unhappiness. Aren’t we taught that no one can make you unhappy? Then I realized that he wasn’t the reason, my choice to be around him in spite of it, and allowing the behavior to continue was my own fault. Once I realized my own roll in perpetuating it, it was liberating. I couldn’t change him…but I could change me. It took much more stregnth than I thought I was capable of, but I finally left him. We are still in contact, due to our children; however, I don’t allow or accept toxicity from him. I’ve found peace and freedom, and I regained my IDENTITY. I simply wished him well, and moved on, with a huge weight lifted.

By: James

James — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:57:42 +0000

I would like to share with you the things that helped me overcome my toxic traits. I grew up with toxic parents and not knowing any better became just like them. When I reached my 40’s I began to realize that this behaviour was not normal. I then tried everything to help me change. Sure all the self help stuff worked for a while, but the old toxins would always resurface. Then I had a godly revelation: make it my daily goal to JUST OUT NICE evey person in my life. I was cured!!!! It was such a freeing feeling!!! All my toxic traits slowly left me for good. It’s sounds crazy but putting others first joyfully everyday gas made my life soooo much better and peaceful

By: shelly

shelly — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 01:33:05 +0000

I was raised by a mother with a number of toxic traits & have worked to avoid “waiting for the other shoe to drop” but still have spent countless years with other toxic people trying to change them. Now at age 50 I can only hope that these emotional vampires get what they “deserve” & thankfully generally they do. By continuing to spend time rehashing the wrongs we have been done we also continue to allow them to “drain” our happiness. I have a ongoing battle avoiding this type of person since I “want to help” but toxic people don’t want help they love their miserable exsistence & aren’t satisified being miserable alone their misery tends to be the ONE thing they don’t mind sharing!!! Run, Run, Run from these people, life is too short!

By: mollymorgan

mollymorgan — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 23:38:47 +0000

My husband is all 8 of these people, rolled into one miserable person. He is constantly complaining about everything and everyone in his life and constantly dissatisfied. Not surprisingly, he is not healthy, becoming more physically ill over the past couple of years as (I believe), the negativity has taken a physical toll. I have tried everything I possibly can to help him (except counseling which he desperately needs but refuses to even consider). My next step is divorce, since I obviously cannot make him happy. I’m sure my departure will just reinforce all the negative thoughts he ever has had, but I am worried about my own state of mental health.

By: meile

meile — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 22:38:49 +0000

as soon as i read some of these “toxic” personalities i realized that almost all of them reflected on some of my best friends.
it made me think about that maybe i should start to find friends who won’t make me feel “worthless” nor “depressed”.
i don’t need friends who never think about my opinions on things and never realize when they are wrong.

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 22:23:09 +0000

What about Sarcastic Sara? I know it may be a bit of Insincere Illisas but constant sarcasm about your dreams, goals or even crazy ideas gets old quick. My husband and I each identified ourselves as one of these toxic personalities and vowed to change. Or at least point out to each other each time we begin to act as such. We also wanted to add Unreliable Ursula. When you put your trust into someone that they are going to come thorugh, you put a lot of emotion into that person. When they fail to come through, time after time, and you feel hurt, time after time, it takes a toll on your emotional well-being. Great article!

By: margaux

margaux — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:12:45 +0000

I lived and worked in art world in gallery. one person more than others was a dising danny . usually gay. there was alot going on and i do not fit any ofthe traits of any of those people. i always wondered like who do these people have friends. doesnt any one care to swat them. i did. iw as not afraid to stand up to toxic people. and it wa the one person who wanted people to get rid of me. probably because i was not afraid and i saw more than deaf dumb blind around me who pandered to them out of insecurity. for my burden in life from a toxic family o got rid of full of toxic bullies and others . i should have been the weak fence that these people felt i was . instead ihad strong hold on my life an dgod and kept up my life despite. that made me the winner. so i was always in threat of someone doing me in.
about some few years ago another sick person got into my life. i felthe was a satans send from some of the people who did not want me torise. he was the worst case example of jerks ego , toxic. negators nad someoen who wanted his friend to see him as a big shot.
he also wanted to kill me to shut me up. he did things to me to make me sick .
even when i got rid of him the fear of what i knew this person held below surface was just like my family. and he was still able to get access to me. he also developed like most of these people do, psychic interest to invade invalidate and cripple others and not be seen. it is a game..
i had medical issues and these people used my medical issues i was growing out of as a means to try to take me down. they could not do that unless my doctor ignored me. and he did. to my death. i was left a weak target to a mass of these kinds of people until despite my brave fight i was left alone , vulnerable and then taken down fighthing to end and became sick. the person who came out of the battering breaking down of my mind brain washing and twisting into madness , became a sick toxic cocktail of all of these people.
i had gotten to a doctor suffering exahustion in june. this man began to act as if he cared. i noticed also he moved to fast. and i had seen enough toxic doctors to.i heard this voice come over me and tell this man to aske me wehre my art was in a abusive manner. an attackthat could damge me and make me lose my fight.
instead of caring that i was in extreme negelct. he got a mad look in his eye, a gleam and like he was being told what to say the words came out of his mouth. in a hostile assault where was my art?? hu hu..
????? i was sent into shock and my brain and body felt under assault and then not safe in this mans commpany. He was hearing voices i heard coming or channeled to him and he did not act to care for me but listen to his master voice and abuse me.
i did not go back. my body soon became exhausted and suffered break down from lack of medical care. if thsi man had acted to treat me then instead of listen to voices.i wouldnt have fallen to the games of bullies marys dannies susans and others who through my life had an aim to kill me. their aim came from Jelousy. Jelousy of my humble life i worked for they refused to. these people like to take others down to look up.. being strong and standing up to them is key . they do not rule.. they want to feel they can..

By: Emma Mae

Emma Mae — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:18:08 +0000

I wished I had read this article years ago. I was friends with a woman for over 30 years that was negative to the point of being toxic. Her little slips, where she would share a confidence, only she had to put her personal twist on it so that it was ugly.

I am not sure why I hung onto the friendship. Looking back, I cant see anyone being that desperate for a friend………lol But for whatever reasons, this year when she came to visit, when she left in one of her drama exits, I made sure she understood she would not be welcome in my life any longer.

I got about 8 emails each one more venomous than the one before. I was ready to fire off a responce when I decided instead of answering her groundless and hateful accusations, I would validate them for her.

I wrote,

I have nothing but well wishes and hopes for you and your future. I look forward to your success and happiness.

So why not take the time that it took you to write this 8 page email and go outside and enjoy your life.
Emma Mae

She never wrote me another email. Wish them WELL and GONE. (Keep the gone to yourself.) Arguing over who is right or wrong, pointing out the truth is wasting your time with a Toxic Freind or Family Member. We have such little time on this earth to do great things, why waste any of it on something that is NOT going to put anything back into your life.

Great Article, Thanks for posting it
Emma Mae/Ameikins

By: Brett

Brett — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:33:00 +0000

Disappointed Daisy…change is hard! The fact that you RECOGNIZE this behavior in yourself is a major step. Don’t be so hard on yourself…you may want to seek some professional counseling to deal with some of these behaviors. Don’t give up and be proud of yourself for recognizing the way you are and feeling badly about how you impact others…many people can’t do that.

By: Disappointed Daisy

Disappointed Daisy — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:27:41 +0000

This is very true. I am guilty of being a Manipulative Mary, Narcisstic Nancy, Debbie Downer, Judgemental Jim, and Never Enough Nellie. I agree with John. Whether it be a nature or nurture effect It’s harder than people think to change a way you’ve been all your life. I recognize when I’m wrong, and why I’m wrong, but can’t seem to control my reaction to a given situation. I can make up another two I’m guilty of, Sarcastic Sally, and Annoyed Anne. I have a boyfriend who I believe I was drawn to because of his optimistic personality, calm nature, and high self-esteem and confidence. The last thing I would want to do is change his outlook in life, and feelings about himself. He is truly great the way he is. In a previous relationship I had, I realized how terrible it is to be with another person with a toxic personality like myself. I don’t want to ruin my current relationship. This is very sad. I really feel like I can’t control my emotions when I’m faced with any given situation. It really makes me feel like an ugly person and not someone I would want to be with. I’ve read the response given to John and I am very expressive, my boyfriend and family know how I feel about how I act, but what is the point in expressing it when I don’t seem to have the power to do anything about it?

By: Ronni

Ronni — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 04:07:36 +0000

I have been living with three people that embody five of these traits. I recently moved in with them because they assured me that they would help me get back on my feet while going through the break-up of my marriage. To my surprise, I was taken for granted and manipulated in such a way that I felt like I was wrong for wanting my own identity. Everything I did was done for them and when I asked for the same treatment I was looked at as selfish. I know from experience how difficult it is to live in such a way that nothing you do is never enough. It is exhausting and you feel hopeless. Unfortunately, sometimes there is nothing you can do but walk away and never return; and yes, it makes it that much harder when it is supposedly your family that is doing the manipulating.

By: Stacy

Stacy — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:10:37 +0000

Women!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:35:18 +0000

What an eye opener! I can see both my husband of 31 years and my mother in every one of these. It’s pure hell having to live with such a toxic person for so long. Even worse, to have a narcissistic, insincere, dream killing, judgemental mother you can’t confide in. I have to agree that surrounding yourself with fun loving positive people is the best thing you can do for yourself. (I hope I don’t sound too much like a narcissistic Nancy). Being exposed to such types for so long, has caused me to become a toxic individual myself. Fortunately, I’m able to see this and try and improve. As for my husband and mother, in their minds, they’re right and the rest of the world is wrong.

By: JoDee

JoDee — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:45:32 +0000

To Natalie Rogers – Thank you! It is so difficult to pull away from this man, but I am doing my best, trying to stay strong and relying on my family and friends to remind me that he is just not good for me. However, I constantly go back to the good times we had and then of course start to wonder if I would have just stayed quiet and did everything his way – everything would be fine, but I know this is the wrong way to think.

I am not sure and cannot speak about all toxic individuals, but I don’t know that is necessarily true that they can change. Typically they have been this way their whole entire lives and it isn’t easy to change. The funny thing about the man I was involved with and keep referencing knows he is a “bad” man as he always says, sometimes he even finds it funny that he is a “bad” man. Aside from finding it funny, he does know how he treats people is wrong, he knows what he does is wrong, but he never changes, he just keep repeating his actions. He will fess up to being wrong and says he regrets how badly he treated me and should never have done that but within days he is right back to that same toxic individual. I don’t think there is anything or anyone that will really make him want to change and become a better person. Several times I have tried to discuss, yell, lecture, etc him about how his behavior hurts people and like the article says – I believe it truly falls on deaf ears. I desparately wish this man would and could change because there is a part of him I truly and dearly love and I have been witness to the good man he can be, unfortunately for whatever reason by choice or not, he always returns to being that toxic individual.

By: Cindee

Cindee — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:36:57 +0000

To John, your self-recognition is most admirable!! That is the 1st step to any healing process or steps to self-improvement…much like any addiction. I’ve dealt with so many toxic individuals throughout my life and each was unique, some improved and some stayed in denial. Most people, at some point can have or will display these behaviors because we are all human and “no one is perfect” applies here. However, when these behaviors become habitual and/or leave you with a feeling of guilt, remorse, sadness or cause you anxiety, it’s time they be addressed. Counseling of course would help you unveil the reasons why these behaviors are surfacing, but considering you are NOT in denial and expressed your admission to such; I believe you can overcome your demons with some perseverance and consistency with some new ideas.

Now that you know and have admitted to yourself your flaws, perhaps it is time you share your thoughts with those you tend to hurt. By telling someone, “I was wrong to say/do that,” or “I’m sorry for…” If you manipulate someone, try saying something to the effect of, “I just took advantage of you and I didn’t mean to; here, take back the (examples) money you gave me,” or “Here, I’ll take care of it, I was just being lazy and was trying to get out of it.” I think by expressing your thoughts aloud and to the person it affects, it would be humbling for you and give you a dose of humility needed to work on the new and improved you. By doing so, others would also be aware that you “do” and “are capable” of such negative behaviors and they would be more in tune with you and recognize these. More importantly, YOU now know that THEY are on to you, so-to-speak. Eventually, you just might begin to hesitate to proceed with negative behaviors.

Also, try expressing yourself and ask for forgiveness. I really believe once you open the lines of communication, you will become more self-conscious of the things you say or do and also more compassionate to the needs, desires and feelings of others.

Ask others to correct you and politely express themselves to you too if they have negative feelings because of something you’ve said or done.

In any case, you will both will have a greater appreciation of each other and hopefully it will induce more positive emotions in you and in return a desire to continue with positive behaviors.

As for the “narcissistic” side, try practicing giving a GENUINE compliment to people, even strangers! Learn to tell the people stuck in your narcissistic manipulative webs, “NO, this it not about me. This is your moment to shine, “ or “I made you this gift because I wanted to show my appreciation for all you do for me.” It is a glorious feeling making others feel good; it will make you feel good too knowing you made someone happy or made them smile. Learn to appreciate those things.

Remember, it is a process, so don’t be discouraged if you don’t change overnight. Best of luck to you!!!

By: Midori

Midori — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:23:29 +0000

To Jane,
So how do you or did you make someone (in your case, your husband) realize that they have a toxic personality and what they do/say hurt people around him/her? I agree with you on the first step, realizing the toxic personality, but it is the most difficult part of getting rid of the toxin in people’s personality because they’ve lived with it all of their lives. It is hard to change something that you’ve become accustomed to for so long.

By: Jane

Jane — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 12:44:00 +0000

John, I am married to a man with a toxic personality, so maybe I can give you some advice and motivation. The first step is realizing you do these toxic things. You should congratulate yourself that you are able to see it, as most people can’t. Second, I can’t tell you how much it hurts me when my husband makes a nasty comment, which is often. It feels like he’s stabbing me with a knife and twisting it. Even though the comments are usually not directed at me, they are directed at someone. He either yells at the kids over something trivial or he yells at the TV. So he’s both hurting the kids by calling them idiots, and he’s teaching them to do the same to each other. Both of those are bad. If you have a toxic personality, you need counseling, and lots of it. You need to realize how badly it makes people around you feel. If you can develop some empathy, you won’t do those toxic things. Good luck.

By: John

John — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 08:59:45 +0000

I know for a fact that I’m a toxic individual, and it sincerely pains me to do the stuff I do towards people, especially those I care about. I sometimes wish they’d just kick me out of their lives so they could be free from all of my bullshit. The ones I can most definitely identify with are the Manipulative Mary, Narcissistic Nancy & the Disrespectful Dannys. If there is any way to get rid of these traits, please email me & tell me how. I don’t like the things I do & I hate the fact that I can easily fool myself into thinking that I’m doing things for the right reasons yet I keep doubting myself because I know somehow, or in some way, I’m doing it for all the wrong reasons.

By: Lilli

Lilli — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:51:03 +0000

I’m not kidding, I’m toxic, but I can be nice too.. so..
By the way, you left out Annoying Anne, someone who pesters you into buying stuff THEY want for no reason and calls you constantly that you have to say that your phone is dead to make them stop calling you.
Maybe that should be Control Freak Christy, like someone who monitors over your life and thinks they can control it whether ulike it or not…

By: yeah

yeah — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:12:43 +0000

I read this and the first thing i noticed is how irresponsible it is to say that toxic people you need to avoid and giddy dilusional are better. Both are unrealistic. People who are to giddy build vacant foundations in life and eventually waste alot of time only to realise it all fell down. Giddy people blame others for anything that goes wrong, “how can i be the one to blame, all i do is good all the time.” They set unrealistic expectations etc.. avoid them as well for they will spend their entire life making mistake blinded by glory and rightousness that they will fail to see things clearly.

What you really want in life is someone who doesnt dwell on good or bad but on balancing all things. These people do not over exagerate and build false hopes and they dont rant and whine all day either. They react and plan according to what is in front of them in life. They focus on the task at hand and usally are the most constructive. They dont tell you everything is gonna be ok only to tell you later sorry, and they dont tell you dont even waste your time. They look at the situation and go can anything be done and if so what. Its not about good and bad its about effectivness its about awareness its about realistic life.

You see what it comes down to is priorities and uppers and downers I just dont have the time for either. Both make excuses both are ignorant both are dilusional both sides focus primarily on things that in the end dont do anything at all.

Yeah avoid toxic people if you can but trust me avoid giddy people as well when an emergency happens or a movie does not dwell on happiness but a “plot” they will only talk about whether it made them happy. BORING……..

Do you smile when an earthquake happens. Nope andwill you be happy when you see the damage, nope. Is it healthy to realease anger and frustration or sadness when this happens yep. Does it do any good to be honest with how you are feeling, yep.

Forget the positive and negative there so out of date and boring.

By: Lillian

Lillian — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 04:57:36 +0000

This comment relates to the “Names” given to the various personality types: 5 of your 8 versions of toxic personalities are “female”. One could omit applying names to convey the general nature of these toxic types without “assigning” a gender. And yes, I understand that they’re demonstrative, but a clear non-gendered label would be wonderful. Thanks and keep on rockin’.

By: Lynn

Lynn — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 04:40:22 +0000

I have a neighbor, X friend who is a cronic lair and a prescription drug user, who has been in and out of REHAB. She is manipulative to no end, she turns everything bad she does into an attack on otHers and feels she can hurt people. Than she says, she has done nothing wrong when they defend themselves. Of course, she plays the victim. THis is the ultimate TOXIC…..

By: Trina

Trina — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 04:17:55 +0000

I made a new years resolution for 2010 to not deal with toxic people. So far I’ve been good at not letting them back in. This article made me realize why I need to clear my closet of the negative nellies & debbie downers.. thank you!

By: patti mcgill

patti mcgill — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 03:50:00 +0000

Lol , I have a stepmother who is all of these except for the first ( manipulative mary). Simply because she lacks any sense of being subtle or tactful about anything she says or does to anyone.

By: Natalie Rogers

Natalie Rogers — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:52:06 +0000

This post is specifically for JoDee….I think we must have been dating the same person! I felt as if you were describing the relationship I am currently struggling to remove myself from. Except for the womanizing, we seemed to find the same person….I am also not sure why I am finding it so difficult to kick him out and keep him out of my life! But, at this point I know I must. I just wanted you to know you are not alone! My heart goes out to you….stay strong, my friend.

By: Sharky

Sharky — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:50:57 +0000

I find this synopsis more disturbing than enlightened. Hard times manufacture hardened people and such is the natural order of things. A weak-spined Pollyanna is the first to go when the evil comes a rapin’. True enough- do what you want with your life as it is your only true asset, but also keep in mind that there could well come a time when you will pay a price for keeping your rose-colored glasses on for too long. And with the increase in urbanization and all things unnatural, the toxicity will likely get worse. Humans are animals first- good, bad indifferent.

By: dany

dany — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:10:43 +0000

its unfortunatly a sad world we live in.

for several years “Vanuatu” was N°1 happiest people on earth, there was a show on NATGEO “the visit of the natives” from the of island TANA, they whent to england etc…

I look at the show and apreciated the mentality of the people, to see how simple minded they are,(in the good way), not worried how to get there next million, are how to get even with there neighbour, are manipulating every one around them.
its a race without stigma, totally confortable with them selves, no shame of who they are…

the people over there care trully about family values, and love for their neighbour.

the systeme we are living in(this world), is turning us in to monsters, people that we do not appreciate, the stress of life, money trouble, the movies-the series on TV are full of violence…

ALL of does things are changing the once beautiful human being in something not beautiful.

By: Sheree

Sheree — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 01:51:19 +0000

I believe that it’s good for everyone to be able to at least be able to identify these types of toxic personalities in others. Of course, it will ultimately but their decision, as to whether or not they will continue to hang around these type of people. Once you’ve started tolerating these type of people, especially those who play a major role in your life, it’s hard to stop.

By: Dancing one

Dancing one — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 01:50:57 +0000

The problem with toxic people is that we often don’t recognize that someone has one or more of these traits before we’ve gotten very thoroughly involved with them. I was raised not to just give up on people at the first sign of a flaw. That may be a good trait, but it has also caused me to stay with such people (ex-husband, ex-boyfriend) WAY too long for my own good.

A good friend and I were both married to very manipulative men. I used to tell her – as long as you recognize that he’s trying to manipulate you, you’re okay. If you start to BELIEVE all the negatives he’s trying to put on you – that’s when you have a real problem. That’s when you start questioning your values, morals, and core beliefs – meaning that your self-esteem starts to die.

Seeing this list was great. It also made me look at myself to see if I possessed any of these traits. None of us are perfect, but taking stock of ourselves from time to time has to be a good thing.

By: emmanuel lucena

emmanuel lucena — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 01:27:32 +0000

I think i myself in most ways is also a toxic person.I always complains in so many things that I do and what I see in others, I always judge and criticize people as if I am perfect. I am married now for 15 years and up to now i can’t control myself when i’m angry with my wife.

By: dd

dd — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 01:18:22 +0000

I have a neighbor who is a few of the listed. She is consumed by what pleases her and only her and hers. She has no consideration for others who live near her as long as she gets what she wants when she wants it. It is hard to deal with.

By: JoDee

JoDee — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:56:07 +0000

I have already posted twice today about these toxic personalities because I am currently trying to rid myself of a very toxic man that has been in my life for 6 years. Problem is he doesn’t go away easily even when he is the one who decided in the first place to end things. He makes it so hard for me becuase he manages to make me feel responsible for everything that was wrong even when he tells me I am not to blame -in the end he just doesn’t want to take the blame. I start to actually believe that I could have been a better person to him when I know that isn’t true because I treated him like he was king of the world – I never hurt him, I bent over backwards time and time again for him. If I or we know all of these things are wrong then why is it so hard to break free from toxic people sometimes?

By: Tinkertoes

Tinkertoes — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:12:06 +0000

I honestly think my mother is 8 for 8 here, and the sad thing is that she is in really bad health and needs my care almost all the time. I don’t see any way to avoid the toxicity. There isn’t a lot of joy in life.

By: Lou

Lou — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:08:36 +0000

Wow, I am all for Vanessa. She is dead on. I have done the same. I have few in my life as I walked away from the state I lived in which made it easier but it is still a painful choice to make. But I think it is the right choice and I am starting over and I am choosing who stays in my life very carefully. It is working much better.

Used up and thrown away, I’m devastated for you that you came away from your marriage so negatively but remember, it is all about learning. You can find the lesson, the real ones, not the angry ones, and let the experience go. And you can forgive. Yes, you can. It takes time. Just do me a favor, dont make the next woman in your life pay for the last one. I have been there and it is death to a relationship. You just spin your wheels because no matter how much she cares or how good she is to you, it will never be enough cuz somebody has to pay for your hurt. Think about it. Took me over 6 years and a couple beatings in the end to get out cuz I knew I could fix it. NOT!!!! I was never going to be able to make up for what those before me had done. Never no matter how hard I tried. Go figure!

Savannah, honey, admitting it is half the battle. Now start letting the real you develop. I am proud of you.

By: Brett

Brett — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 23:37:08 +0000

Deana- I agree that everyone is allowed to their opinion…but you shouldn’t judge people for them. There is a difference.

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 22:35:14 +0000

I decided a few years back that I was very tired of toxic people in my life-it didn’t much matter which toxic traits they had, I just became more and more aware that I was feeling bad. People in your life shouldn’t make you feel bad-they should lift you up, you should be able to count on them, trust them, respect them.

If you come to realize that someone(s) in your life consistently leave you feeling hurt, sad, angry, disrespected, wondering if they care about you & your feelings at all-it’s time to take care of yourself and let them keep all of their cancer-you definitely don’t need it.

That’s what I did, I systematically stopped making excuses for people (that included friends & family) I saw them for who they were & how badly they made me feel & decided “NO MORE!!!”. Since then I have less people in my life but I am MUCH happier.

Sure, will you miss them sometimes? Yeah but will you really miss how crappy they made you feel? If the answer is NO, cutting them from your life & keeping it that way is the right choice-especially when they blame you for things coming to an end or they don’t try to make things better.

There’s a lot of people in the world-find good ones!

By: Used up and thrown away

Used up and thrown away — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 22:21:24 +0000

My ex-wife has at least 5 of these 8 characteristics. She was selfish, narcissistic, greedy, manipulative, and very insincere. She must have choked on our wedding vows, but she looked so happy in the wedding pictures. That was an Oscar-worthy performance if I ever saw one. I now refer to child support as my ex’s “beer money.” Now she can go to the club every weekend, get drunk with her sister, and the tab is on me. It’s worth it, just to have her gone.

By: Deana

Deana — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:58:03 +0000

Regarding Judgmental Jims: Everyone is entitled to their opinions and beliefs. People don’t have to the like everything and everyone. The author of this article is actually being judgmental about the types of people she considers to be Judgmental Jims.

By: savannah

savannah — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:47:15 +0000

I’m toxic. I don’t know how to fix it. I’m negative and insincere, but it’s not that I don’t want to be friends with people or connect with them…I just never know what to say, and nothing i say ever comes out the way i mean for it to. I also was “best friends” with a very manipulative and judgmental girl for several years…it’s almost scary how the effects listed here of such a relationship match up completely with mine. She demolished my self esteem and I constantly changed myself and my beliefs, I became too timid to show who I was. Now I have no sense of identity at all-which is why I’m insincere. I’m not hiding my thoughts or opinions, I just don’t know what they are anymore.

By: JoDee

JoDee — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:34:59 +0000

I keep reading that people say that the toxic people in their lives have drained them and I agree. The man I reference in my earlier post did just literally exhaust me. I was always on edge not sure if I was doing the right thing, was is ok to call him, was ok to ask to do something. There were many times when we were together that we could have a really good time and we liked a lot of the same things, made each other laugh, but there was that toxicity about him. It always had to be on his terms, on his time – when it was ok for him or he felt like it. I don’t think ever really once asked what I wanted and if he did it obviously wasn’t many because I can’t remember any times. As long as I did things his way, didn’t question anything – all was good! Relationships take work but they shouldn’t take every ounce of energy, pride, self esteem and self worth out of you. It feels very good to be able to put this in words. It is kind of theraputic. The last time he called was last night.

By: Missy

Missy — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 20:52:33 +0000

i was friends with a woman who completely drained me. she fit almost all of the characteristics listed above. it was so tiring trying to build her up and even though she said she knew what she needed to change nothing ever did. i finally had to basically cease the friendship for my sanity. i was made to feel like a bad friend. i still care about her but i had to care about myself more at some point.

By: Mike

Mike — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 20:36:24 +0000

Great list. One of my students meets five of these eight personalities, and I’ve stopped letting her spread her negativity around my classroom. She isn’t content until everyone is as miserable as she is and totally focused on her. When I realized she was a black hole and unchangeable, I decided to limit her impact on others. Whenever she tries to bring something negative into a discussion, such as 20% of all students drop out of high school, I counter with the 80% who are furthering their lives and education and contributing to society. It’s been a battle, especially when she realized what was going on. While she will never change, almost everyone else has started to look for the positive (and realistic) angles.

By: mary

mary — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 20:19:21 +0000

wow, in my last job, which was the most exhauting experience of my 30 year carreer, I recognize everyone of those traits in either my team mates or project team! WOW! That’s why I alwyas felt drained, sad, unhappy and started to lose my confidence – I’m lucky, lucky, lucky – i got out and will use this list to make sure it doesn’t happen again!

By: JoDee

JoDee — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 20:07:48 +0000

I have dealt with a toxic person the last 6 years of my life. The thing is he wouldn’t even recognize the fact that he is toxic and has been to many people (women) in his life. Do toxic people really have no clue that they are toxic to others in their life? He has 4 of the above personalities – Manipulative Mary, Narcissistic Nancy, Dreamkilling Keith, and Neverenough Nellie. He was and is never intentionally toxic – it is just who he is and always has been. Is that possible? There were times when he let a good person shine through but it never seemed to last long. It was almost as if he was happier being toxic – it is easier that way. It is almost a defense mechanism for him not to get overly close to anyone. Thing is after 6 years he made the decision to call it off, yet over the last 3 months he has reappeared – calling me a few times to get a feel for the waters – can we start talking again. Mind you all the while (6 years included)he has been seeing another woman, but he doesn’t know where that is heading if at all, so I feel like he is keeping me in his back pocket. I have known him for 20 years, but was only in an intimate relationship for 6 years. I kind of knew of his reputation but always thought it was something that went with age – he was young, but unfortunately I have found that he is still the same at the age of 41. I had hoped for the best and kept hoping, but I think I have to stop hoping. Let him be the other woman’s problem(mind you she knows about me and has known) – I guess that is her own bad judegement to stick around him.

By: Leah

Leah — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:55:43 +0000

I realized that I was number 6 on this list. In truth I don’t know how to react to people or how to relate to people on a deeper level, that doesn’t mean that I wish for them to fail and don’t want their well-being. I do agree that this insecure behavior hides what someone is thinking, but that doesn’t mean that person is thinking bad things about you. A lot of times when I don’t have much to say, people just automatically believe that I don’t care or I think bad about them and that’s not true. I don’t automatically hold negative thoughts against people and for the most part I want their well-being.

By: kahwimi

kahwimi — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:19:42 +0000

Love seeing character openly discussed. As one recovering from abuse early in life, I can tell you it is not easy to be perfect. Everyone I came in contact with I either feared or was angry at — nothing verbalized, mind you, but everyone ‘got the message’. Once I became aware/conscious of my feelings and how my thoughts directed them, well, that was the real beginning of my education. Not many people from my past are interested in this type of learning — they don’t want to change anything. I guess I come off too strong, too excited sometimes, and they feel threatened or something. Nobody likes being forced… So I’d just like to share, that when I’m triggered by someone’s toxic behavior, I like to exercise my free will and choose to see myself — recognize my own toxic behavior — own it — then after I see where that came from (being abused) I can let it go. All I can tell you is I am not anywhere near as angry and fearful as I once was, exorcising my demons this way. I don’t know, but it seems safe to say that everyone has experienced pain growing up and has learned some kind of nasty habit as a way to survive. This is not to excuse bad behavior or offer an apology. Just kind consideration of the ’society’ that left its mark…

By: Nikell Norris

Nikell Norris — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:49:50 +0000

This article is so true, time after time people are always telling me that I am such a good friend and I am so helpful, always there when needed and dependable. I will say that, that is how I was raised but I am at a point in my life that I feel drained, no one has ever asked about me. I have a close friend that couldn’t tell you the first thing about what is going on with me, she goes on and on about herself and I deal with it, not wanting to be a bad person. Its wild a few times I have tried to talk to her about what goes on with me and I have timed how long we talk about me it never has exceeded 4 minutes. For many years I have wanted to cut her off but I feel like I would be a bad person for doing so. I wonder will anyone ever give me what I need in a friendship?

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:32:53 +0000

Wow, I didn’t realize how many of the traits listed above permeated from my recent relationship. I do feel so much happier without his negative “what can I do for him, poor him attitude and selfish ways.” His own children aren’t a part of his life because he only wants them around when it’s convenient for him. I am so glad to be rid of unacceptable behavior. As I struggled with my first semester of online college trying to find time to study he would walk in a room where I was doing my homework and throw his hands up in the air with disgust while he cussed me out. But that was only the beginning. As a Loan Officer I lost a client and his happy went to immediate irate mode. He would literally start a fight with me for no reason and make me feel like a Loser. He didn’t care about his own kids so how could I expect him to care about mine. His manipulatice, selfish, negative, abusive ways are no where near me now. I feel the Happy just because. No one to take it away from me and spoil the little things in Life. Finally…

By: Abegail

Abegail — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:27:36 +0000

My M-I-L has all the traits but how can I get rid of her thk fully geographically we r apart so we go thru this 1ce a yr. during thxgiving or christmas or both.But yes initially when I had to spend my first few months of married life she ate all my confidence and my parents taught me to be gud to even the people who r bad to u & I think thats the worst advice you can give bcos some peopl have no self conscience at all ahich could make them feel guilty.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:18:53 +0000

What about Drama Dons? These are the people that seem to exist in a perpetual state of ’soap opera’. No matter what is going on with anybody else, or the world in general, they are in the middle of the worst crisis ever. Their health, finances, families, etc. are more important than anything you might want to talk about. If things are bad, their situation is the worst. If things are good, their’s is the greatest. They don’t want to change anything, they just want you to ride along on their roller coaster. They will wear you out with their constant extremes.

By: Hinda

Hinda — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 09:53:30 +0000

Hello all, haven’t you noticed there are more traits to avoid than traits to admire and acquire in today’s world. Just a thought! but we could elaborate …
Thanks!

By: "Grandma Ruby"

"Grandma Ruby" — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 08:30:03 +0000

I know more people who fall into these categories than I can count! It is really hard to find positive people! – they are so rare! As a result, I sometimes become that way myself! The best “cure” is to “get away” and “meet new people,” so I don’t get “stuck in a rut.”

Toxicity is “catching.” The only way to avoid it is to “escape it!”

Consequently, I have become a great “escape artist!” I invest my spare time in creative activity, and ignore most people around me, unless they have something positive to say!!!! It is amazing how much energy comes from hearing other people say something nice!!!!!

By: john

john — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 07:21:07 +0000

less not forget to take this advise with a grain of salt. This and other articles about peoples traits. there are reasons people come from all areas and have many different view points. With out depressives you would never know how the bright side of things are. With out night how would you know what the day is like?

I hang a lot with so called religious people that have thier wires crossed or something as they all ways seem to think God is going to handle it. Even though the same book they are reading from reads of war after war where people died. in other words when the going gets rough they usually call on the guys that are having a bad a really rotten day for help…. people they wouldn’t even invite for dinner….

Meditate deeper and understand what all this means and be enlightened that the Creator made all sorts of people for certain reasons. If your one of the bright sided people instead of judging the depressed try helping them see a better way through the lessons of your glasses—- each response above judged another person — yet you were the ones to be happy to get away from the same…. he who is with out sin throw the first stone…..

By: pitu

pitu — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 06:44:12 +0000

Wow… It took me more than 3 years to realize that I was not the one at fault…This woman possessed most of the above traits and destroyed my sanity, my happy married life and put me in a complete state of depression.. i still cannot trust anybody anymore. i had to move 3000 miles to get rid of her.

By: Rhonda

Rhonda — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 06:32:43 +0000

I have someone in my life that mistakes my kindness for weakness. I have been struggling about what to do. After reading this article, I am more aware that I need to end this friendship. She takes, takes, takes and never gives. I am drained and am fed up.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 06:28:34 +0000

Toxic people are the worst when it is your family. You have 2 choices, either avoid them completly or do your best to limit their impact. Try to disable your buttons, but if you do, be prepared for a big time attack. Then when you call them on it, you are the person with a problem. I know, and I hate to get to the point where I avoid family, but it is getting to much to take sometimes.

By: Jorge

Jorge — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 04:30:51 +0000

One personality trait I consider extremely toxic is pessimism. Pessimists, like dream killing Keiths take enjoyment out of life. Pessimistic people are very discouraging. If you hang out with pessimists, the dark side of life will always follow you. They see the negative side only. It’s a pain in the ass to hang out with people like these. Look at the following:

Pessimist -> Unlucky -> Anxious -> Depressed

I have studied these four words deeply for last few years and I can conclude that they are strongly related. One leads to the other.

My parents are pessmists and I can assure you that they drain my energy every time I see them. I grew up a pessmist, myself. Environmental conditioning sucks, doesn’t it? I inherited pessimistic outlook. I have studied my way of interpreting life and I’m currently working on changin my personal outlook to optimism. It helps a lot being an optimist. Read the book “Learned Optimism” by Seligman, if interested in the topic.

By: Jill

Jill — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 02:56:23 +0000

Wow I just got rid of two friends who have all these traits. I feel so much better, except they still text and call me and are now spreading rumors about me.

By: bob

bob — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 07:32:57 +0000

life is good again! I recently realized how much of the last 4 years I missed because I was in a constant preoccupied state. Let me explain: I was married 20 years when my wife passed on.We had a ball, raised a village and were great friends. We married young and she possessed none of the above traits, so at age 45 I had zero practical experience. After my grieving period, age 46, I was introduced to the most amazing woman.I could not believe how fortunate I was to meet someone that I was immediately comfortable with. I had no interest in jumping into a relationship but there it was. She ate me alive from the introduction. I count 12 traits listed above that she is expert at. Fortunately for me, I had no clue that her treacherous intentions, behavior and actions were designed to ruin me. I couldn’t conceive it! It didn’t exist in my world. On top of that, I was trying to figure out what was happening so I could put a label on it,not 12 labels. About a yr and a half ago, I had witnessed others and been victim myself to enough Immoral, unethical and persidious behavior that went unpunished and unprosecuted. It took me a yr and a half and a whole lot of research and saving of receipts and documents which found their way to her companies legal dept. for review. Although, she should have been brought up on any number of illegal charges, I’m proud to say I put a stop to it on everyones behalf. They terminated her on the spot and escorted her out of the building. My mom taught me to stand up for myself and others and to challenge unacceptable behavior. Thanks,mom! It feels good.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:46:52 +0000

I was married to a man who had all 8 traits, plus the ones others have blogged above. No wonder I sit here and worry if I am doing things correctly all the time. Having been told for years that I would be nothing without him, blah blah blah, the worry of complete failure now that he is out of my life is HUGE. Also when you have children with a person like this, the damage they do to the children when you finally have had enough and get out, it incredibly horrid. As it says, these traits get worse as the person ages, from 34 -50 it has gotten very bad.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:48:50 +0000

w kent, sorry to hear you are going through that as well. My husband was jealous out of the box about our daughter and could not understand why I was so focused on ‘her care’ when he needed dinner! Granted, she was a newborn and needed constant care and he was a grown up who could take care of himself if he needed to. When I explained this to him, you would have thought I was the most evil, thoughtless, uncaring person in the world. He will go without food now unless I make something, and yes, this type doesn’t notice anything that you do for them, I’m with ya there! But they want YOU to bend over backward for them. There are givers and takers and somehow they end up marrying each other, I don’t know why. With this type, the relationship becomes more like roomates than soulmates.

By: taejonwill

taejonwill — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:03:20 +0000

Good ideas and all, but if the manipulator is a superior at work or a family member, one is going to have to make sacrifices in order to become autonomous and that’s the hard part, rather than just realizing that you are being played. In essence you have to leave the person alone and have to deal without the love and money (children) that this person brings to the table.

By: Ange

Ange — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:45:39 +0000

MAN!!! I just ditched a “friend” who still has every one of those characteristics! She’s like the WORST person to be around! She’s depressed, insecure, and wildly jealous of me. That isn’t based on speculation because I wouldn’t say she were jealous had she not said it out loud!!! She spread rumors about me when I was out of the country, told people I was dumb (even though I’m quite intelligent), told me I couldn’t do anything, told me she would ruin my relationships… Just tried everything to hurt me. And she attached herself to me to find friends. I tried for years to make our “friendship” work, but the older I got, the more tired I grew of her. I finally just told her to piss off one day, a couple months ago. It felt great.

By: LouLou

LouLou — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:31:11 +0000

This is right on target in describing these personalities and the fact that it does get worse with age. You do think you’re the crazy one, because they make you look and feel like you are crazy—that’s not love! In psychology, it’s actually called crazy-making and they waste no time doing it. They get you to question yourself and make you feel like you’re out of line for having an opinion different from theirs right from the beginning. After nine years of it, I finally got out. Best decision I made for my life and my kids! Imzadi is right too—It’s hard to stick to making necessary changes, but it’s sooo worth it in the long run. And these toxic personalities get easier to spot and deal with. By deal with, I mean walk away and don’t look back. It’s your life and life is too short to be treated with disrespect and manipulation.

By: Kayla

Kayla — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:22:49 +0000

ok, i was bored, and i randomly clicked this, and wouldn�t you know it, this describes my mother perfectly. i can�t believe my mother�s personality is all of these rolled into one. it�s like she was BORN to destroy people. of course, telling her this would only cause a war, but it is nice to know i wasn�t crazy growing up, and also why life seems so much better now that i am far away from her, and she has to play on my terms now. thanks for posting this. it was an enlightening read.

By: Kayla

Kayla — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:19:00 +0000

ok, i was bored, and i randomly clicked this, and wouldn’t you know it, this describes my mother perfectly. i can’t believe my mother’s personality is all of these rolled into one. it’s like she was BORN to destroy people. of course, telling her this would only cause a war, but it is nice to know i wasn’t crazy growing up, and also why life seems so much better now that i am far away from her, and she has to play on my terms now. thanks for posting this. it was an enlightening read.

By: friendof

friendof — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:31:27 +0000

don’t forget this personality that is toxic. Pathological liars. They lie so much that they either start to believe what they deem to be true as fact, or they lie so much to one person that the person can no longer tell if they are telling the truth or if they are lying to your face about things. They even go so far as to lie about events that happened with you present so that they will feel better about themselves. another personality trait, Drama creators. They feel their lives are so insignificant the way they are so they must come up with other ways to make themselves feel better, in effect lying, or blowing something out of proportion so that they look like victims when really they are just being overly dramatic.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:21:05 +0000

It’s easy to say to avoid these people and to leave them if you are with them, but the reality is, if you are married to them, with children, there is no easy way out. I have a spouse with multiple traits here and each time I have tried to leave, he has threatened to take my children. Life is not as easy as a blog..oh that it were. I no longer know what I want or could even dream of in a life-long partener, I only know what I have now and that it is a daily struggle to keep a smile on my face for my children.

By: Diana I.

Diana I. — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:58:55 +0000

GOOD GOD—ALL OF THESE 8 TOXIC PERSONALITIES ARE WRAPPED UP INTO 1 PERSON—–MY MOTHER !!!!!!!! IN THERAPY TO BREAK THE CYCLE, BUT IT IS HARDER THAN ONE WOULD IMAGINE. HOPEFULLY, ONE DAY I WILL BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY !!!!

By: Kat

Kat — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:18:57 +0000

to ray… I know exactly what your talking about… It’s like you lock your door to keep them out and they use a battering ram to get back in.

By: Pam

Pam — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:41:33 +0000

I think you have to be careful before you label someone a Judgmental Jim. Some judgment is necessary and good – if the person is telling you that a person is “bad” and the person is a drug addict or perpetual liar, then their judgment is good. A real “Judgmental Jim” makes INAPPROPRIATE judgments about things that don’t really matter, or are untrue.

By: kat s

kat s — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:38:30 +0000

LIARS LIARS LIARS…I think this is the most toxic person you can be around. They mess with your head, they break your heart for their own selfish reason. They will tell you anything to keep you from knowing the truth. They usually do it by telling you how important you are in their life. How much they love you and they are doing it for you!
What they are really doing is disrespecting you, devaluing you and showing a total disregard for you as a person. Their motives are selfish and whenever you try and talk to them, again, they don’t get it and if they do, they swing it around to place the blame on you. Stay away. Stay very far away!!!

By: Corrine Shelton

Corrine Shelton — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:29:33 +0000

The article is good for not only identifying the behaviors of others in your life but for determining if you have some of these characteristics as well. A good look at the man/woman in the mirror is always helpful when trying to improve on a relationship. Some of these traits enable some of the others, which is another valid reason for using the article to help you to own your own weaknesses.

By: RWC

RWC — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:15:41 +0000

JoAna- This is a long shot, but are you referring to a Mark? … You just got to find the strength and end it! Never settle…never.

By: w.kent

w.kent — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 17:09:11 +0000

Wow, I think I am married to one of these. I asked her several years ago when are we going to be able to have a relationship. Her response was when the children are out of high school, then it was when they are out of college, then it when they move out of the house, now it is when you get a job I like. I guess none of the ones I�ve had in the last fifteen + years were good enough. Then when I fix or make something nice this is the same person who waits days, weeks or months before acknowledging with one word once that that was nice. Yes she got jealous of our daughter when I spent time making and fixing things for her.

By: Nancy

Nancy — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:19:18 +0000

What about the “controlers” and “the excluders”? Are they insecure or acting superior because of fear when you’re around?And what about the perpetual sympathtic,sophomoric, rah-rah acting types who underneath are incredibley ambitious and insincere?

By: Sam

Sam — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:18:22 +0000

Due to my experience throughout a duration of 8 years, I have learned (the hard way) that people with toxic personalities WILL NEVER CHANGE. I repeat: THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE.
The plan for my boyfriend and I all along was for us to be together some day. I let him know in so many ways�so many times�that I will not tolerate any of these destructive traits. It is destructive to our relationship�period!

He was manipulative, judgmental, narcissistic,etc. For 8 whole years, I have not just stayed at “square one”�I have went backwards. At the beginning of my relationship, I was a very healthy, happy person, but that has deteriorated over time. Now I’m left to slowly build myself up again.

I really hope this saves precious time for others out there.

By: lola

lola — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:31:30 +0000

I have a stepmonster (i mean stepmother) who has all 8 subjects above pertaining to her less-than-lovely personality. After 20 years i broke free and have NO contact with her. There is NO NICE way to deal with toxic personalities as mention in the above article, they will suck the life out of you, then they will start on your children. I am much happier with the monster out of our lives:)

By: Mark

Mark — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:28:51 +0000

All good stuff. It helps to see that others deal with these issues and how toxic they really are. Learning how to spot the traits is an important first step. You have to be fair and allow people to be human. Where to draw the line and what to do about it are the most difficult questions. A toxic person can get you down and have seriuos effect before you know it. Especialy when blinded by love. If bad times do not give way to the good times on a regular basis, I say life is too short to live like that. Get help or find your way out and move on.

By: Victor

Victor — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:19:58 +0000

I wonder how many commentators here could be considered “toxic” in the eye’s of another? This whole excercise tells us to label and judge those around us when we don’t get what WE want. All people likely could be labeled with at least one trait above and some point in a relationship with another person. Perhaps this is why we as a culture and society continue to become more isolated and lonely. There maybe extreme examples of the above traits that would scream out but perhaps there should be an eight positive traits to seek out, beginning with “forgiveness”…

By: Wade

Wade — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:19:58 +0000

How about realistic Rodger? How about when someone who is 300 pounds wants to break into the MAINSTREAM modeling world, but doesn’t want to diet and exercise? Does that make you a dream killer if you say, you know you have to be a certain size in order to be a model right? If I were to say that to someone, I could be classified as most of these people on this page.

At what point do you tell people the fact that they lack the real drive and motivation to do what they say they want to do?

How many times do I have to listen to morons talk about one week they want to be a writer (with no experience or education), the next they want to be a DJ, and the next they want to go to be a pro football player, before I quit listening to them and say, STOP TALKING!!! EITHER DO IT OR DON’T DO IT!!! SHUT THE F*** UP ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE “GOING” TO DO!!!

You say your going to be an actor and never go go to an audition, you say your going to get ripped for the summer and never see the inside of a gym, and you say your going to go back to school and never even sign up for a class. People never really take the time to analyze why they do things. Most people never think about what it really takes to succeed in life either. They want to be Poison or Motely Crue until they realize that living on Top Ramon, staying in a broken down apartment in the ghetto, sleeping in a van with three other guys and no shower for a week, and not being able to pay your electric bill for two or three years isn’t so fun. They forget that Margaritaville was written in 30 minutes but that he lived on stolen food for YEARS desperately trying to write that ONE song. They forget that having Ryan Reynolds’ abs means that you have to work out TWO HOURS A DAY AND DIET RELIGIOUSLY!!!

I mean as someone who works over 80 hours a week at their dream, these people are extremely insulting to those of us who put in the time, effort, and sacrifice to achieve what we have accomplished.

SMALL NOTE *however I will say most people who achieve a lot tend to never really feel fulfilled and tend to take it out on other people, but that doesn’t mean that they should have a negative effect on your life and you should bail on them. Don’t take what over achievers have to say negatively. Instead try using their mistakes and negative comments as ways to do what you want to do better. Some of these “toxic people” can have the best knowledge of subjects if you use them correctly.

WHAT THIS ARTICLE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IS HOW TO STAY FOCUSED ON YOUR OWN DREAMS AND GOALS AND LESS ON PEOPLE’S WORDS. THAT SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU AND DECIDE IF YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT THE SUBJECT THAN THEY DO OR EVEN SOMETIMES REEVALUATE HOW YOU DO THINGS. DON’T TELL WARREN BUFFET HOW TO MAKE MONEY, UNLESS YOUR BILL GATES. THE ONLY PERSON IN CONTROL OF YOUR HAPPINESS IS YOU!!! IF YOUR WALKING ALONG AND HAVING A GREAT DAY AND SOMEONE CAN CALL YOU FAT AND RUIN YOUR DAY, I WOULD GET OFF YAHOO’S ADVICE CHAT ROOMS AND GET INTO A THERAPY OFFICE. THIS ARTICLE IS A BUNCH OF B.S. FROM SOMEONE WHO OBVIOUSLY HAS NO SENSE OF SELF. WHEN YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU REALLY KNOW ABOUT A SUBJECT, AND WHAT YOUR TRULY CAPABLE OF, THEN NO ONE IN THE WORLD SHOULD BE ABLE TO BRING YOU DOWN.

WHEN YOU START OUT AT 300 LBS, AND YOU WANNA BE A MODEL AND DROP 50 POUNDS WITH A DIET AND EXERCISE PLAN, YOU KNOW THAT WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU FAT THAT ITS JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU LOOK BETTER THAN THEM. YOU JUST SAY YA I KNOW BUT I’M WORKING ON IT AND IT TAKES TIME TO DROP 100 LBS…WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE WORKING HARD FOR SOMETHING, THOSE COMMENTS ONLY HELP YOU TO WORK HARDER, NOT BRING YOU DOWN, IT’S WHEN YOUR UNSURE OF YOUR GOALS AND HOW TO ACHIEVE THEM THAT THOSE COMMENTS HURT YOU.

There are two types of people in world…Those who do things and those who talk about doing things. Do first, THEN talk…and never get ONE opinion on anything. Humans are innately flawed people and no one is a GOD, so quit letting others affect what you do. Unless they are physically standing in your way, or blatantly sabotaging something you are doing, then it’s probably more something YOU need to deal with not THEM. Don’t make the reason you didn’t achieve something be because someone told you that you couldn’t or that someone “hurt your feelings”. Be real enough with yourself to say that you just plain quit early, gave up, or didn’t try hard enough.

I have NO CLUE why i just went off on this, but I will tell you it has a lot to do with being sick of hearing everyone talk about why they CAN’T DO SOMETHING. I watched a guy with no F***ing hands rip up Tommy Lee on the drums a few months back. NO F***ING HANDS!!! HE USED HIS NUBS AND SWEATBANDS TO HOLD THE STICKS!!!

By: Ralph

Ralph — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:48:34 +0000

20 years with hystrionic wife, very manipulative. Sucked the life out and hen left. oray!). She went the extra mile and slandered me too, so cleared a1ay ALL the false friends. Sad but revealing. Hello new LIFE! Hx sweetie.

By: Imzadi

Imzadi — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:19:33 +0000

Yeah, this blog helps when you are trying to stay away from the toxic person who you’ve come to love realizing this person doesn’t love you and never will. Make a list of the character traits of the people you want to associate with. Then make of the deal breaker character traits that bring you down.

Stick to it! It’s hard but in the long run you’re better off.

By: d.anne

d.anne — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:54:58 +0000

wow! this was spot on target for what i needed to read. while you can conceivably leave a toxic spouse, cutting unhealthy ties with a parent or a child appears a bit more complex. if intensive psychotherapy isn’t a monetary option, atleast occasionally reading something like this and thinking ‘ok; i’m really not totally nuts’ is a great little pick-me-up and ‘thought for the day.’ thanks brett. i needed that.

By: will

will — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:02:55 +0000

Avoid toxic people all together, disassociate and make new friends. I had a very toxic family and now have a more refreshing life. This world is full of actors and actresses with one stage. Bad Energy is a waste of time.

By: toni

toni — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:52:19 +0000

what if you have some one in your life with multiple traits?

By: Smith

Smith — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 16:29:43 +0000

Don’t take advantage of this statement on your life, because you want to see people the way that you want,
I think this 8 point may cause very temporary in life of every human being. life is good and maybe you must learn how to treat them to change their behavior.
I know there are some people that don’t change, so at least you tried.

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 16:30:36 +0000

To JoAna…..
I f you’re certain this is NOT with whom you wish to share your life, GET OUT! get a restraining order, peace warrant, whatever it’s called in your area, but get it. Get your point across, that you WILL NOT be with him anymore, don’t date him one more time to tell him goodbye, tell him via the Sheriff’s Dept, or the Local Police, District Justice, whatever, but make a plan, and GET OUT!!

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 16:24:08 +0000

I married a Manipulative Mary, with narcissistic hi-lights, They are relentless in the pursuit of what they want, whether it is a person, or item, or an idea that they don’t necessarily agree with, but want YOU to believe. I used to collect certain antique items of curiosity. One day, one was missing. Due to the fact that we HAD others around, visitors, guests, etc. I couldn’t very well place the blame on her for it being gone. But, in the years since, most of MY things, of a like nature, were volunteered to church sales, yard sales, etc. Which took me back to the first instance of missing things. It was her, she now says, BECAUSE… there is no because, because those were my things, not hers. But if I suggest she get rid of this or that, SHE comes up with, not MY things.
enough said?

By: Dave

Dave — Sat, 30 May 2009 02:01:23 +0000

Hmm. I was married to Narcissistic Nancy. Yes she was narcissistic and her name was Nancy. Didn’t know about or ignored the personality disorder until she left me. It was all about her…..

By: b martin

b martin — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:19:24 +0000

this is one of the best blog articles I’ve ever read. thanks

By: JoAna

JoAna — Sun, 24 May 2009 13:41:59 +0000

I think I’m dating a manipulative AND narcissistic man. How do I get out of it?

By: ray

ray — Wed, 20 May 2009 01:14:31 +0000

So how would you DEAL with these types if you don’t want to see them?

By: ray

ray — Wed, 20 May 2009 01:10:55 +0000

by avoiding and ignoring these types, you also send them a clear and strong signal that “hey, stay away from me! Don’t want to see you in my life!”…But, the personality type that really bothers me are those who try to FORCE their way into your life, I guess because they hate to see you not intoxicated! you can call them persistent leech! why are they toxic? because they have all the 8 toxic features above plus they are very persistent! of course no worries, because they are very RARE, but I was lucky enough to encounter a few.

By: julie

julie — Tue, 19 May 2009 03:32:06 +0000

there are toxic types ever where, you can not get away, you are right about this. but you have to walk away from them. are try saying something postive are get away from them if you can, if not, dont say a word. thank you for the infor I have learn more today about getting to know other’s. and now it makes sences.

By: nameless nobody

nameless nobody — Mon, 18 May 2009 01:10:27 +0000

And there are probably a dozen or more toxic types of people who aren’t in the list. You get to meet them everywhere and you just cannot avoid them because you happen to work with them, live with them or are married to her/him/it.

The best way to avoid these toxic people is to board a plane and get lost in a deserted island. Bottom line? Learn to DEAL with these types instead of avoiding them.

By: dia-vlo

dia-vlo — Sun, 17 May 2009 11:32:06 +0000

THE SEXUAL CAPRICE – the typical coquettes who likes to do xXx favors for her own bidding.

why they are toxic: they are insanely sexually repressed that they tend to inundate your life with their own xXx world, not mentioning their maniac kind of living. it’s wicked sick!

source: how did i fcuck your mother

By: David Thompson

David Thompson — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:01:47 +0000

Uhhh….(laugh) This is..yes an accurate account of these personality types. Yes , I, in my lifetine have encountered each and every one of these types. But ya know what?..It’s all subjective. What I would add to all this is people have the power to never ALLOW such people to bring them down. ”eat away at your self esteem”???.. That says more about the writer of this article than it does the toxics spoken of. I say if a person allows such toxics to eat away at their self esteem then they never had any self esteem to begin with. But in short, its all subjective. My suggestion with such people is OBJECTIIFY. Don’t disagree. Just do it.

By: Carol Galanty

Carol Galanty — Thu, 14 May 2009 17:08:29 +0000

I especially love the paragraph you wrote about “dream killing”; boy, you hit it right on the head with that one! I’ve been struggling with living with a dream killer and it’s very difficult to constantly have your ideas shot down. Thank you for articulating what I couldn’t quite put into words myself!