Comments on: Stand by your Man…

By: Zola

Zola — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 10:15:00 +0000

I’m highly impressed and I appreciated every comment but there is one thing that keeps baffling me. It takes two to tango, unless the man is a gay. These men (CHEATS) always go out with other women, so whats in the mind of those other women they go out with? If in the future those women are married would they entertain their husbands going after other women too?
We always blame the men but we’ve forgotten that at times the women also play a role in tempting the men. I believe the message here needs to go not only to the men but also the women who at times are the cause. I’m yet to see a man of low standard cheating because no woman will welcome you anyway.
I stand to be corrected. Thank you.

By: Ivan

Ivan — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:10:04 +0000

It seems to me this is similar to a person not having children telling someone how to raise thier kids. Women today are being raised in such a political enviroment where every action is a way of “degrading, humiliating or somehow controlling women”. and When something happens between a man and a woman in this society, the woman seemingly has to answer to the collective group of women out there looking for signs of an infraction. You know, maybe the women who “stand by their man” actually want to- MAYBE THEY ARE BEING STRONG by standing by their man- for their own reasons. You know nothing abou their relationships, the ups and downs, the unfilled needs of the man or the woman in any of these relationships. There are two sides to every story. When I saw the title of your article, I thought there was going to be a change in tide, something refreshing, perhaps a Defense of Marriage – and working to make society better through understanding- perhaps “Standing by your man, and woman” was going to invovle better communication and achieving balance in life- perhaps working to strengthe relationships that we have would be a good lesson to teach our children, and teaching them about “consistency” and dependability- in that when they come home, they find the same two parents there. That would be a radical change in society.

By: Nicola

Nicola — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:21:50 +0000

At the end of it all guys, we all need to get back to the basics of life, that is, let go and let God, for those of us who are christians we tend to try to fix everything on our own and we need to remember based on our belief we cant do it all on our own, we must trust God to help us. Forgiveness is a key factor in our relationships, when we can find it in our hearts to forgive each other no matter what, we can overcome any storm (hurt,betrayal, abuse), we may not forget anytime soon, we may not even be able to be with that person ever again, we may not even had belong with them in the first place, but we have to be able to get on with our life either way. For all the men out there who continue to do wrong by your women – try to do better, your women love you all, they expect the best of you and they want a long and happy life with you. For all the women who continue to have the bad luck of abusive relationships, hold on, be strong, put your foot down, take care of your family, support your husbands, but do all this with continuous prayer, ask God to help you through it all, trust me you cant fail, God work in misterious ways-remember the fruit of the spirit is LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, MEEKNESS, SELFNESS CONTROL, RIGHTEOUSNESS, TRUTH, let your character represent christ, be true to yourself, God will take care of the rest

By: Dana

Dana — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 09:43:33 +0000

I, like most of you, used to feel that if my husband ever cheated on me that would be the end of it. I’d be completely done with him and would have no problem walking away from a man who both, broke my trust and disrespected me. However, my views have changed slightly, even though I am a single woman. I realized recently though that when you make a vow to marry a man, you say, “for better or worse”. I would NEVER stay with a man who had no respect for me and cheated on me with women as let’s say, Tiger Wood did. But I do think that when you marry someone, you don’t marry someone you would ever think would cheat on you in the first place. That being said, I think it is very situational and you can’t just say that these women, just because they’re in politics, they don’t respect themselves and they just tolerate their husbands cheating for the status or power OR that their standing by their husband means they don’t value themselves. It’s very situational, and you don’t know how you’d react until put in the situation. What if for example, you as a wife, weren’t there for your husband. You were spending late nights at work, constantly doing stuff for the kids, hanging out with your family, trying to make time for your girlfriends.. caught up in all kinds of regular things that could realistically happen. Your husband, with you not ever being around, was feeling neglected and a woman at his office happened to throw herself at him constantly and had been doing so for months so he, as all of us do, just happened to make a mistake. And after it happened, he didn’t keep doing it, but he felt remorse. And he confessed but told you that he was sorry, it would never happen again, you weren’t there for him as a wife (not that he’s putting the blame on you) and he just fell into temptaion. But… he was willing to do whatever it took to work through it with you, knowing you wouldn’t forgive him right away, and do whatever it took to gain your trust back. He would make more of an effort to be a family with you and the children and would never let it happen again and would even seek counseling with you and a pastor from your church or psychologist if you thought it would help. You’re saying you still wouldn’t stand by your husband? If you AND your husband are truly in love (which i’m not saying ya’ll aren’t), I don’t think you’d be so quick to say you wouldn’t stand by your man.. But that’s just my opinion, I suppose.

By: Mike

Mike — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 05:33:14 +0000

Whats all the talk about, seems like you all are already expecting your husband to do some ugly thing seeing that you already know what to do. My take, is expect the best from your man, if he unintentionally falls short of your ideal expectations and is genuingly remorseful and repentant….FORGIVE and help him through the dificult situation just as i presume you would want him to do for you!! Ladies, forgiveness is a better virtue to pass on to your kids.

By: DJ

DJ — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:05:42 +0000

I think a lot depends on who the woman is and what she is getting out of the relationship. I’m pretty sure Hilary was not suprised about Monica (furious, but not suprised). Most women in that situation realize that if the husband goes down in flames the whole family “empire” crashes (ie if hubby gets impeached they go to broke and social “zero” too). IMHO the whole “standing by your man” thing tends to have a self-preservation element when politics, power, or money are involved, not to mention that the wife’s other options are pretty limited if she had been giving up her career to support his. Throw him to the wolves and then what? Go get a job? Live on alimony after an ugly divorce?

I DO admire the women who are strong enough to end it – I feel bad for them, because I suspect that they are more likely to be the ones who DIDN’T know about it until the spouse was caught by the media.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 01:01:59 +0000

Beenthere…I really don’t think you are in a position to say that about her marriage. I am very much in love with my husband, however, if he ever hit me, that would be the end of it. I would never stand for a man thinking he could raise his hand to me…even once. And one of the many reasons why I married my husband is because I knew that with his personality and his experiences, I could reasonably trust that I would never be put into a situation by him to find out “what I would really do.” You should be hurt and offended by anyone that puts you in the situation of “finding out what you would really do if ______ (insert something awful.” Love is always conditional, and there is nothing wrong with that. That doesn’t diminish the love at all. And if your love is really “unconditional”, then you show how little you truly value yourself.

By: Noname

Noname — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 22:43:10 +0000

In response to Beenthere, it’s obvious that you’ve been in a relationship where you “loved”, but it’s also obvious it was unreciprocated. Anyone that says that they love you, and then treats you in any one of the ways described above, does not truly understand the meaning of love. Cheating is a form of abuse, even if it only happens once. I have been there. Love is shown in actions, not words and intentions. And if you are with someone that cheats, lies, or otherwise abuses you, that is in no way an act of love. People do make mistakes, but cheating is a lifestyle choice, not a mistake. And no one accidentally sleeps with anyone else, just like no one physically abuses another on accident. This writer is correct in saying that if you have children, you are sending the message that it is okay to for them to put up with that kind of treatment when they are seeing it from one of their parents. You need to take a closer look at the definition of love and like before you apply it to others. You may have loved your partner, but they weren’t loving you. Plus women that make a firm stand that they will never put up with that type of behavior, typically don’t end up in them at all.

By: Imzadi

Imzadi — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:49:09 +0000

I forgot to mention. This guy has over 20 years in the fitness industry. He calls himself a “Life Fitness Coach”…the whole premise that you can train someone and provide them with the skills to change their life but you can’t control your impulse to disparage the people “closest” to you is insane.

By: Imzadi

Imzadi — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:43:59 +0000

I had what I can’t refer to as a relationship with this individual who in the final analysis found every way to belittle, berate and demean me. The end result is months spent in therapy. Now I am a very strong willed person. I’m accustomed to being on my own. This guy was never satisfied and always found a way to turn around his misdeeds on someone else. By faith I know that I must forgive him. Their is something in me that can’t get past the hurt of the emotional abuse. I’ve gotten down to analyzing the character of those I chose to let get close to me. The list is very small. The criteria of character traits that this person was absolutely lacking, trustworthiness, loyalty, respect. Forgive yes, forget NO WAY! I feel like I would be betraying every woman before me who I am sure he treated this way & then dismissed as TOO SENSITIVE.

By: Beenthere

Beenthere — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:42:07 +0000

It is completely obvious to me, reading your article, that your marriage is one of “like” rather than “love.” Anyone who actually and TRULY loves their partner – knows why you stay. They also know that sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. I have seen it first hand work out and in fact strengthen the union.

Further…you really have NO idea what you WILL do until you are there.